The talking vulva...

The talking vulva...

So, yeah...have you seen the giant talking vulva from Babeland yet? I am SO. SERIOUS. Really, a giant talking vulva. I would like...I don't know...die? if my vulva talked to me and gave me advice.

Ok, so this one is a lot less threatening, and she doesn't bleed at random on my new clothes (TMI?? Get over it). You can ask her questions and she will answer them for you. You know, like why is the sky blue? Are there really aliens? Why the hell is Rudolph's nose red? Or, well you could ask about sex, toys, sex toys, lubricants, crazy kinky stuff (or rather stuff you think is kinky, but I find cute).

So, what are your questions for the Vulva? You know, since she's here and all...you may as well get a Q&A session. If she doesn't answer I will answer the questions on my blog for you...k? Yeah, I thought you might like that.

So I will open up the floor with my question to the Vulva...
What should I get my best friend for Christmas? She's married and wants to spice her love life up, but she needs to do it discreetly so no one sees what they are doing. She says she wants some toys to use with her man, but doesn't want an obvious vibrator. What is the best gift for her?

While the Vulva is thinking about my answer you need to head on over to Babeland and check out their easy to use Holiday Gift Guide!

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I may alter it...in the name of all things pretty

I may alter it...in the name of all things pretty

The Beginner Ball Gag (made by Tantus) is so sweet. Really. It's all girly and cute, like a pacifier almost. So basically it pops right into the mouth (the bulbous part should fit completely), and the more narrow part of the gag will be what the wearer's lips will wrap around. This is awesome because, for me anyway, ball gags can give awful cramping in the jaws that can stay for quite a while after use.

My lips and jaw were able to close comfortably around the more narrow part of the gag, but because the base covered my mouth noise was muffled (duh...because that's the whole point). Well, because of the shape and length of the actual gag part I am totally unable to push this gag out of my mouth. J loves that because I can always push gags out with no problem...in fact, I usually do because my jaw is in such pain (BAD sub).

The gag is solid silicone, which is nice because it can be boiled and disinfected, unlike rubber gags. The straps are leather and are fully detachable (again, great for cleaning). They are held on the gag by two metal snaps...just loop through the holes and they snap around them. The main hold is a velcro piece that can be extended to about (without coming apart easily) 8 inches in diameter, and can go as small as about 5 inches in diameter (this isn't a science, so these are approximate, people). The velcro also lends to the ease of removing the gag quickly if needed...remember, you really shouldn't leave someone gagged alone, things can go very wrong.

The straps can stretch over time (as you wear them), so be aware of that. But, because of the design the wearer can simply hold the gag in easily if they slip down some.

The leather can be cleaned by just wiping it down quickly, so don't worry too much about that. The gag can (in addition to being boiled) be thrown in the dishwasher or cleaned with a mild soap and water. Storage is as simple as tossing it into a drawer, or in my case the bag with our cuffs and such.

Overall...I love this gag. I will even be getting a second one to alter. You know the video Christina Aguilera caught so much shit for? The one with the gag {I added a photo so you could see it}? Yeah...I want to do that to one of these. I think it's hot, and I want it! So...there you have it!

$32.99Beginner ball gag Mouth gag by Tantus Material: Silicone / Leather Safety: Buy from EdenFantasys

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Hard boiled eggs anyone?

Hard boiled eggs anyone?

When I opened my inbox to see a Couture Collection Bliss assigned to me only 3 minutes after stating I would willingly be Eden Fantasys' review bitch I was shocked. I mean shocked. This is a hot item people, seriously. I own a few items from the Couture Collection, and I love them...so this is a great addition to my collection.

The Bliss is an egg shaped vibe that is rechargeable. Oh, and it is remote controlled as well. So, do you see why these are flying off the shelves? I have the Amante as well, but this is so much nicer because I don't need three random sized batteries. I do need one odd sized battery (12V) for the remote, but that is no big deal really...you can buy them at Walmart or CVS or something like that. Just pick up a few...they should last you a while.

The Bliss is plastic, and therefore can be used with any type of lubricant, but it needs to be covered when sharing because you just never know. The cord is nylon (not a fan of that at all...I wish it was a solid silicone toy, but vibrations don't travel as well). Oh, and just because there is a retrieval cord does not make this safe for anal play!!! Just a quick warning. If it gets lost in your ass I will laugh...loudly. Then I will tweet it and post it to Facebook. You have been warned.

The egg (really...it looks like an egg) is 2.5 inches long and 1.5 inches thick. That may not seem big to you, but GOOD GODS IN HEAVEN ABOVE, that is massive if you ask me. My largest vaginal ball is 1 inch thick and it is too big to be comfortable in me...so wearing this out to dinner is a no go for me...aww. But, I can wear it around the house and such and give J the controller (that was such a bad idea). I would be in the kitchen and he would be across the apartment and he'd set it off. Nice, but it was a ton of fun to play with (note: apartment...about 20 foot distance). Ooh...and about the size...if you don't have strong muscles and are worried about it falling out, I wouldn't. It is large enough to stay in with little to no effort at all.

One true enjoyment for me was having it in and on while I was using a clitoral vibrator. This gave me vaginal stimulation while giving me something to orgasm around. It added more sensation to my solo time.

Ok...the run down:

The whole kit comes with:

• The egg
• A charging dock (shaped like a heart)
• The remote
• A battery for the remote
• The plug for the charging dock

To use, just plug the dock in and place the egg in the dock. Once the little light on the egg is green, you're good to go.

How it works:

The remote is stupid proof. Really. There is a dedicated on/off switch and the other one just changes the settings. The egg has a small button that you hold for about 4 seconds (it will turn green) to turn it on, and another 4 to turn it off (it will go red). The settings just cycle through, and to turn it off just use the power button. There are 7 settings in all:

• Low
• Medium
• High
• Escalating from low to high repeatedly
• Pulsing
• Fast pulsations
• 3 short pulses and a longer buzz

Batteries:

Ok, I am annoyed that we need a special battery for the remote...but whatever. The egg, however actually holds a decent charge. We used it for about 2.5 to 3 hours and it was still good to go (not all at once though). The initial charging took about 2 hours(ish), it was green after that so I have to assume it was fully charged. The instruction book gave no indication of how long to charge it the first go. I was mildly tweeked that the instruction book wasn't more thorough, but it really isn't a huge deal.

In actual use:

Well, I did like it...the thing is...
I found the vibrations to be kind of loud. J says they aren't as loud as I think, but to me they sound really loud, and I worry others will hear them. He said as long as there is some background noise they can't be heard, so I guess all is good there. Maybe I am just paranoid that people will wonder why I am buzzing from my vagina...I dunno. I am quirky like that. The vibrations are strong, but I have felt stronger ones (this may be due to the rechargeable feature). I don't mind it being the level it is because, any stronger would mean louder...that, dear readers, could would be bad.

Cleaning and care:

The Bliss is waterproof. No shit, right? Because if it wasn't I would really think twice before inserting it all the way. Since it's waterproof you can just run it under some warm water with a good toy cleaner and be done. Remember to get the cord clean as well, though. You can also wipe it down with alcohol to disinfect it if you want to. Just go the extra distance, you know?


Overall, I am pleased to own this vibrator, and I will continue to love the Couture Collection pieces. Cal Exotics has outdone themselves...well done!

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Travel Teaser

Travel Teaser

Cal Exotics Travel Teaser from Eden Fantasys

Travel teaser Pocket rocket by California Exotic Material: Plastic Safety: $0.00 Buy from EdenFantasys
Rating:	Vroom:	Bee:

The spikey little nodules that hurt me.

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Laya Laya LayaSpot me...I wanna be dirty

Laya Laya LayaSpot me...I wanna be dirty

The Laya Spot by Fun Factory has some power behind it's name. Is it as amazing as everyone claims it is? Well...

First off, let me begin with the fact that I owned a Better than Chocolate before I owned the Laya Spot. So, how do they compare? Easy. I much prefer Laya Spot. The Laya Spot is small enough to fit in the palm of your hand (and I am small) comfortably, and the control buttons are simple to use. There is no accidentally touching it and sending the toy into another mode or off or anything nuts like the BTC.

The Laya Spot is intended for clitoral stimulation rather than vaginal stimulation. It is made of Elastomed which can be cleaned with warm water and toy cleaner and is safe to use with water or silicone lubricants (yay!). Since this is meant as a clit toy, lube isn't 100% needed, but if you like it, you're safe. Now, the motor was a bit rumbly, but it was quiet too. For the quietness of the vibrations the power of them was awfully strong (and I am very sure that was terrible English). There are several different levels of vibrations and patterns to choose from, and the control panel is built into the vibrator.

Since the Laya Spot is so small (4 inches) it is very easy to use, and comfortable as well, during sex. I am able to easily access my clitoris without a giant vibrator taking up my entire hand for added stimulation. Plus it doesn't scream "I'm a sex toy!" like other vibes might, so leaving it out isn't cause for alarm when we have company.

Let's go over the controls really fast: Pressing + will turn it on and increase the power. Holding + for a few seconds will change it to a pattern vibration. Pressing + will then change the patterns. Pressing - will change the patterns back. Holding - for a few seconds will go back to a steady vibration, and just keep pressing - until it is off. That is the only issue I have...it took me a while to get used to the controls. Now? I love it.

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i-Vibe and Toyfluid

i-Vibe and Toyfluid

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Desire Vibrator

Desire Vibrator

Babeland sent me the Desire Vibe to review. So, I was all like "aww...it's so pretty." Yeah, that was until I saw the damn thing. It's huge! Like oh. my. gosh. huge. So this suck is like ten feet long...ok, maybe not, but it is about the size of my palm twice over. To put into perspective how large and powerful this vibe is, let's begin with the fact that it uses TWO C batteries. Yeah, two C. Umm...that is like a car motor (again, not really, but is it powerful). It is also about 1.5 inches thick, so if you prefer the smaller vibes...keep looking.

It is a basic vibrator. The only thing that truly makes this different in the world of vibrators is the fact that it is larger, and more powerful than most other vibrators. Now, it isn't exactly Hitachi strong, but it is still very very string considering it is battery powered and not electric. Plus, it can be used internally. I know other electric vibes have the attachments and all, but this offers the full strength of the vibrator and offers it internally.

The Desire is sleek, long and pretty. It is a metallic colored plastic, which makes cleaning easy. I don't bleach because of the metallic coloring, but it can be wiped with alcohol to sanitize, plus there is always the basic toy cleaner and water (which I like). It is much lighter than I anticipated, which was great because I don't want to end playing because I have tennis elbow or something crazy like that...that would seriously suck. The dial base that allows fluid escalation in power is another winning feature for me. I don't care much for the buzz pause BUZZ...ugh.

Overall...yeah, it wasn't what I expected at all. It was huge and I thought it would be small, and it performed well when I was sure it would suck.

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Here's a toy I can sink my teeth into

Here's a toy I can sink my teeth into

Twi-hards everywhere are ecstatic. So thanks to Tantus (and the amazing Carrie Ann, who sent this to me for Christmas) you can now have Edward any time you would like. Seriously. The Vamp. A solid silicone dildo measuring about 6.25 inchs (insertable) long and 1.5 inches thick, the Vamp is just what you would expect from Edward. It is a very pale skin tone with light sparkles that shine in the light, just like the real vampires (you know, if there were any...and if there were, I wouldn't need a dildo...I would just fuck one of them).

At first glance I thought the Vamp was massive. I generally don't get anything over 1.25 inches thick, but I made the sacrifice just so I could tell people I had one. The Vamp holds warmth as well as cool. You can warm it up in a bowl of warm water (please don't use the microwave, you could get hurt...in a bad way), or you can choose to cool it in ice water for that "I am fucking a vampire" feeling.

The head of the toy is very pronounced and offers a lot of sensation upon insertion, but I have to say that the veining and whatnot, yeah, you can't feel it at all unless you are like uber~sensitive. The base is wide enough for safe anal play (and the material can be sanitized) or to be used in a harness for some strap~on play. The silicone is pliable, but is not so flexible that inserting the toy becomes a pain in the ass (literally for some people). The silicone is also slick enough that playing vaginally with no lubricant can actually be done, but remember to use lube while playing anally.

Because of the shape of the head of the Vamp and the slickness of the silicone I don't have too much drag while using it, and it (miraculously doesn't do the infamous "pop" in and out of my body. It actually flows very nicely. I do find myself cleaning off lint all the time, but this is no different from any other silicone toy I happen to own, so no biggie really...I just keep a package of Afterglow wipes by the bed to clean it off with from time to time.

Who might like the Vamp?
Twi~hards world wide. And anyone else who might like a pretty and well made dildo. The size seems large compared to a one inch toy, so don't be shocked when you see it. The size isn't all that huge of a deal, it is still small enough for anyone to use really. Anyone who likes anal play, dildos (in general) and strap~on play might enjoy the Vamp more than they realize. The only thing I would recommend is to know ahead of time what size dildo you like. The Vamp doesn't get wider as it goes in, but rather, it begins that way. It is a phallic shape, and stays true to the size through the entire shaft.

Proper Care & Maintenance
I store my Vamp in a drawstring bag beside my bed {see photo}. I also clean it before and after every use. You can clean your Vamp with warm soap and water, a toy cleaner, boil it, bleach it, or put it on the top rack of your dishwasher. It is fairly easy to maintain. The slickness of the silicone makes all the dust rinse right off. The one restriction to this is lubricant. Water based lubes will not interact with the silicone, but everything else will. I patch tested mine on the bottom and it did not react well with a silicone lubricant, so be careful.

Play safe and have fun :)

$39.99Vamp Dildo by Tantus Material: Silicone Safety: Buy from EdenFantasys

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Moonlight Serenade Kit

Moonlight Serenade Kit

Butt plugs, cock rings? What? Lube? Well, ok, most people use lube...but still. I had the chance to review the Moonlight Serenade Kit, and although the name is stupid...well IT IS, I was very pleased with the kit. Let's begin with the fact that it comes with the Bootie Butt Plug by Fun Factory, a Screaming O Vibrating Ring, and a packet of Please Gel Lube (which is, of course water based). To top all that off the whole kit is only $33. The Bootie alone is normally $34...yeah.

So I will begin with the Please Gel Lube, because we all know I have random bottles of lube stashed throughout the house and just have to have like ten bottles on hand at all times...because God forbid I run out of lube. Ok, so...for anyone, and I mean anyone who likes, or even doesn't like lubricant, this is a must have. I know, all you girls are all like "oh my gawd, no, I am always wet and slick!" Liar. I love sex, but my vagina doesn't always agree with me, so I use personal lubricants. The Please Gel Lubricant is a water based and massively thick lube that guarantees vaginal dryness is not going to get in your way of a good time. Seriously, I have tried it, and I know this to be a fact. Since it is water based it can be used with any and all toys, and washes away in water easily. The only downside to that is that shower sex can be difficult. The thickness of the gel allows you to put the lube on and not get a nasty mess and drip all over the damn place. It stays in place and is amazing for anal use. Since it is thick and stays put you don't have to use a half a bottle trying to ensure there is enough lubricant on the toy or whatthehellever your are sticking in your ass (whatever it is, it had better be anal safe if you are an avid reader of my blog). It is also glycerin and paraben free for those who have more sensitivities. I do still prefer silicone lube for anal play when my toys are compatible with it though...just sayin'.

The Screaming O Vibrating ring is your basic cock ring, it fits around the cock and balls and it vibrates (or, basic rings don't vibrate, you caught me). Let me begin with I really don't care for companies that say they are silicone when it is only partially so. The ring is made of "SEBS Silicone," no, wait...coated in. SEBS is nothing more that TPR Silicone blend. Google it. Not that it really matters as this is meant to be a disposable toy, but hey, I like information. The ring is really stretchy, honestly I was sure it would snap (it didn't). The bullet can actually be removed and replaced, but the ring isn't likely to last you very long after the one 30 minute use you get out of it. There is and on/off switch, so if you have a quickie, you can still use it again. The bullet can be aimed up so that the female (in my case anyway) gets clitoral stimulation while the male gets the prolonged erection and light vibrations. Honestly this only works well for me in a few positions where I am extremely close to J. You can also flip the ring and the vibrations can be solely for the wearer. This offers more intense orgasms for your partner as well as the prolonged erection. Do be careful with these and keep scissors around in case you notice any popped blood vessels...they can happen with these stretchy type rings from time to time.

The Bootie, the entire reason this set is so. fucking. amazing. The Bootie us a small ('round abouts three inches long and an inch thick at the widest spot) butt plug made by Fun Factory. It is solid silicone (no silicone based lube) and is very bendable and extremely comfortable. The base, rather than a large round one, is a long line that is made to nestle comfortable between the cheeks. This is a great plug for a beginner or anyone who wants to have prolonged wear time. It is curved (most likely for prostate massage, but I think it may be too small for that) and the neck is thin enough for even the most inexperienced users.

The Moonlight Serenade Kit is perfect for anyone who is looking to try a few toys out on a low budget. You get two toys and a great lube to use. If you are looking to venture into new areas of sexuality this is a great way to start without breaking the bank. Get the Moonlight Serenade Kit and other sex toys at Good Vibrations.

*This product was provided free of charge in exchange for an honest review*

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Pet my....seal? Ok!

Pet my....seal? Ok!

Babeland sent me the Perfect Pet vibrator to review for them, and at first I was all "aww, it's so cute," then I was all "damn this baby has some power," finally I was all "did a seal just go down on me." Yes, yes he did. And know what? I am totally cool with that.

The Perfect Pet vibrator is an animal shaped vibe (so if you like cutesy vibes, he ya' go) that packs some serious punch. He is only 6 inches tall and is 1.5 inches thick, the stout stature made me sure he was like 3 inches wide, but no, just half that. He has the face of a seal, complete with whiskers and an adorable nose that is amazing for clitoral stimulation. The shaft has very pronounced ridges, but only about three inches of the toy can be inserted, so I am not too sure these would be the best source of pleasure. The base has a gem on it that, honestly, looks just a little out of place to me, but whatever.

The Perfect Pet uses three AAA batteries (which are INCLUDED...holy shit, I know) that slide into a battery pack that is placed...prongs down...into the vibrator. The base just twists a little to lock. Perfect Pet has some real power for such a small toy. It offers up deep rumbly vibrations that I can't really describe. There are four functions, one of which is a steady vibration...the others are pulsing and patterns. I didn't think this was so perfect for penetration, but I am pretty sure this qualifies as a mini vibrator in some way and is more meant as a clitoral stimulator that can be inserted if you want to. Pretty sure. Not totally though, so don't quote me or anything. Either way, I really, really like the Perfect Pet. The strength of the vibrations along with size and cuteness is the whole package, if you ask me...and, well they did. So there.

Not only is it amazing in use, but the controls are easy as well. A single button on the toy controls the vibration patterns and turns the toy on/off. Plus it is silicone and can be bleached or washed in toy cleaner, and it's cute (I know, I know).

The Perfect Pet is a wonderful vibrator, even if it is a first time vibrator. If you don't own a toy and want something not so...umm...well you know, penis shaped, this is great. Honestly. I really enjoyed it. Keep in mind that it is powerful, so it can be a bit noisy, but just throw a blanket on and shut the door and you should be fine. It may also be a little bit strong for those who prefer lighter vibrations (clearly I don't fall into that category). You can get one here for $35.

Thank you to Babeland for sending me the Perfect Pet in exchange for an honest review.

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Update from hell peoples :)

Update from hell peoples :)

What have I been doing lately? Well besides watching the 1000 year flood waters recede back into the nasty ass Cumberland River where they belong, I have been packing and whatnot to move.

My Mother's Day was spent handing out cupcakes down the road from my house to other moms whose homes were under water when Nashville flooded. Oh yeah, in case you have been living under a rock, we found Atlantis...it is really called Bellevue and it was totally submerged. Much like I nearly was because my retarded ass needed to try to go to church. Yeah, that worked out well. I was flooded out of my subdivision, and evacuated to "higher ground." Bullshit. My so called "higher ground" flooded in front of my eyes and I made a mad dash through 3 feet or so if water to another city to wait out the rain. Hey, did I mention my kids were at home with J's mom while the fucking city flooded and I wasn't sure I would ever see them again. Yeah, that was great.

My birthday is in a few weeks as well...ugh. J is in San Diego working, and I am here, and I miss him horribly. I just don't know what to make of it all at this point. We were lucky this month, so let's see what is in store for us in the future :) Oh and the tree photo is to show you just how high some of the water in our area rose...mind you this is a dry area any other day.

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Club hoppin vibe

Club hoppin vibe

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Rain...

Rain...

Ok, so we had a little rain today...ok a lot of rain. I left at 8:30 and couldn't get back until almost 1pm. We were totally flooded out! Anywho...

So J and I are getting rid of toys we have doubles of...mainly a ton of bullets. Basically we have all these toys that are the same and it is totally pointless. I am also working on a new video review that will be up this week (hopefully), so that should be interesting enough. It is for a glow in the dark dildo...just try to picture that kick-ass review. I reorganized all my toys today because I was crazy bored. So all my vaginal balls, my Vamp, and my Sexy Bunny are all right next to the bed now. I also have my chocolate sauce, a few condoms, a cock ring, some toy wipes, and nipple clamps in there (this is my corset box). I put most of the other toys in the closet locked in my Devine Playchest.

Also, while I was perusing a blog, I saw the video of Christina Aguilara's "Not Myself Tonight." Umm, that ball gag? I want. I am considering altering the one I have now as a result. BTW, the video is very Madonna-esqu...I kind of liked it. Alright...that's it for tonight.

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Is this shit even legal???

Is this shit even legal???

Ok, so everyone is on this bandwagon, and I thought I would shed some light to any readers who don't already know about the website Healthy Strokes. You can read Epophora's take as well as Saraid's take. Let me being by placing a disclaimer that I am not a physician, but I think I may know just a little more about the female body than this guy. He is an absolute idiot.

I masturbate with a back massager, and I've always wanted to know if that's good or bad. I have really good orgasms and I can masturbate up to 30 times a day. (age 13)

I think it's bad. You should be developing a healthy sexuality so you can successfully have sex with a partner someday. I don't think a massager helps you do that.

Then...

I really want a vibrator but I don't know how to get one. I am not very open with my older sister or mother or any other older woman so I can't ask them. Where can I get one? (age 13)

I don't know that I'd recommend a vibrator at age 13. You ought to get to know your body better first. All I could do is tell you about a bunch of web sites, for which you probably don't have a credit card. (One of the most popular vibrators, the Hitachi Magic Wand, is available on amazon.com for $39.99. I don't recommend a vibrator or any particular brand or website.) You might consider buying one on eBay. Many eBay sellers accept cash or money orders.

I think you'll have to ask someone who has a credit card and/or can go into the kind of local store that sells them. They will probably assume you want it for masturbating.

Um, ok, so you are a hypocrite, right? First they are bad, then you tell a 13 year old to ask someone to buy her one. Oh, and I would never say, hey you want a vibrator? You're 13? The Hitachi, of all things, is right up your alley. Areyoufuckingjoking!?!?!?

Oh and I am totally fucking speechless:

I want a vibrator but I don't know how to get one. Do you think I can go into Le Sex Shoppe and get one? I look old enough for them to think that I am of age. Is it OK if I fantasize about having sex with women. I know I don't swing that way but I would like to try it one day. (age 15)

Vibrators are generally not age-restricted by the government, so I don't think you wouldn't be breaking any law by buying one. Stores like that know that some of their customers are underage and don't make an issue unless they're selling a restricted product. As I suggested above, you might consider buying one on eBay. What you fantasize about is up to you.

While vibrators are not really *restricted* by age per say, um...she isn't 18 and cannot legally enter a sex store you fucking moron. OMFG. OMG.

Ummm.....yeah, he seems to be a lot on the incestuous side. Right, because I would be cool with my older sister fucking me with a vibrator. Good Lord.

Is it OK to help your younger sister who is 12 to masturbate with your vibrator? I don't touch her myself. I use the vibrator. (age 16)

I don't see anything wrong with that. Of course, once you've shown her how, you won't need to help anymore.

Holy fuck...what the...why? Just why???

Are there any household items that can serve as lubes? Where can I get them? How do I use them? How do I keep my mom from noticing I masturbate? P.S. I love your site. (age 14)

Lots of young people use lotion, Vaseline, or ordinary saliva as lubes. Just apply a drop or two to the area that you are stimulating. I think if you clean up and don't leave sex toys and sexy pictures lying around, she won't notice.

Lotion? Vaseline? Umm, dude, chicks shouldn't stick that shit in their vaginas. Oh. My. God. Does anyone else see the issues here?

Why do males masturbate more than females?

As discussed elsewhere on this site, masturbation is universal among males past puberty, while only three quarters of females have done so by their 18th birthday. Remember why males masturbate:

1. They enjoy it
2. To release built-up sexual fluids; and
3. To keep their sperm in good condition for fertilization.

These last two reasons amount to a biological imperative for males to masturbate. Females don't share this biological imperative. So the only reason they do it is because they enjoy it. Considered in this light, it's understandable that (1) more males masturbate; and (2) males are more likely to make a regular habit of it.

Because I have never looked at J and said "fuck me, fuck me now or I might die." Oh, and it isn't a biological necessity, apparently he has never heard of asexuals. Just fucking amazing. He also says that not ejaculating for two weeks causes prostate damage. Asshole, this isn't true, if it was there would be a ton of unhappy males out there. J has gone months with nothing while he was deployed or training, it is possible. Oh and another thing, you don't need to jack off to keep your sperm healthy. In fact doing so too much will lessen chances of pregnancy, hence doctors telling fertility patients to only have sex during ovulation to increase the chance of pregnancy. Of course he might know this shit if he googled it.

So why don't I warn against heterosexual experimentation too? Because this isn't a two-way street; many females would reject a male for having engaged in homosexual activity, but no gay men would reject one for having experimented heterosexually. So it's rational for a male to postpone homosexual experimentation until he's certain he's gay.

Please, I beg of you please, tell me if I am wrong here: This is a generalized assumption, and there is a such thing as bi-sexual activity...I would know. So, having said that, how can one assume no gay male would reject another based on past sexual activity/preferences? Being gay is not so taboo that there are only six of them out there, so they can be just as picky as the next. To me this is the equivalent of saying all men like to watch lesbians. It simply isn't true.

I could go on and on and on...please for the love of all things do not let your kids get advise for retards like this one. I have two daughters and I fear everyday that someone will give them bad info like this. These kids who are taking his advise are in a bad position, they cannot be sexually healthy using this site. Besides, I am pretty fucking sure he is some 45 year old fat, bald guy with bad acne that has never been laid before and is living in his mom's basement jacking off to all the questions asked by 12 year olds. Sorry, but is how I feel about the situation.

Oh, one other thing, this whole TMS bullshit? Yeah, so if a guy can't masturbate on his stomach how does this asshole suggest he perform missionary sex (even though I think missionary is horrid)?

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Symphony of vibration

Symphony of vibration

Cal Exotics sent me the Symphony Massager for a Sexpert review. I was a little more pleased with this toy than I have with a lot of the new toys Cal Exotics has been offering. The shape is very reminiscent of the Liberte vibe. It looks like a small personal back massager. The vibrator comes in a clear box, you know, the unmistakable "I'm a sex toy" box that so many toys come in. It is clear, you can see exactly what the toy looks like without ever needing to open the box, which is nice if you are in a physical toy store. The vibrator is in the tip of the toy, always a plus when it comes to feeling the vibrations. The width is only 1.5 inches, but it really has no bearing due to the fact that this is clitoral vibrator. There are five different vibrations you can get with the Symphony:
Moderate (vibe)
Intense (vibe)
TangoQuickstep
Samba

It is also waterproof. The end cap is tight enough that I did have to fight it to get it off the vibrator, but it is well worth the trade to be totally waterproof, in my opinion. There is a single button to go through all the functions (not something I prefer, but it works) located about the lower middle of the toy. The Symphony is shaped to be held comfortably in your hand for solo play, and even has an indent for a finger for added clitoral pressure for those who need it (aka ME). The Symphony is delightfully discreet for the most part. I mean, if you know sex toys you will likely know what it is off the bat, but for others it isn't as obvious. I am actually able to leave mine on my bookshelf next to the bed. I keep my massage oil by it, and no one ever notices it, not even my nosy little 5 year old.
As far as how well it works, I can say that while it did work it was great. Every set of batteries I put in died very fast, but I am assuming that is likely the specific toy I received and not the whole set. The vibrations were not as deep and rumbly as I like, but I know a lot of women who prefer the more high pitched vibrations...if you're one of them, this is an awesome vibrator for you. On a total upside you are free to use either water or silicone based lubricants without fear of damaging your new toy. When the batteries begin to die you will notice that the toy will only to the steady vibration levels for you. It is an excellent indicator that it is time to change batteries.

As I said on actual use before, mine ate through batteries very very quickly. Before it began to die rapidly I did get some great play time in with it. The Symphony is not the mind blowing, orgasm delivering strength some of us prefer, but because of the ease of adding pressure with your own hand the toy is simple to use and does deliver smaller orgasms (for me anyway). I had to use a lot of added pressure, but for someone who likes external stimulation (hell you can really use the Symphony anywhere you damn well please) the Symphony offers a great amount of stimulation. This is awesome for someone who may be newer to toys and wants something simple, with multi-speed options, and discreet. While I might recommend this for people who have a lot of experience with toys, it wouldn't be the first toy I would recommend to them.

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I love bunnies, I really do

I love bunnies, I really do

I really, really, wanted to love this adorable bunny (rabbit) vibrator. But, I didn't. Now, that isn't to say I hated it, just...meh, ok. The Sexy Bunny vibe is cute, I mean damned adorable really. So this vibrator is made of silicone, and let me tell you it is a lint catcher and a half (that's ok though because who can be mad a cute little bunny?); the bunny vibe is a tall bunny rabbit, face and all, so if you aren't too discreet with your toys this is definitely one you can leave out on the dresser. The bunny is just over 1.5 inches thick, about average for a rabbit vibe.

Now, I (I have no idea why though) thought the head rotated...yeah...I was wrong. There are pearls inside that rotate in both directions. Unfortunately you can't feel the pearls at all during use, but they didn't stop working while inserted either and that is a common complaint of rabbit style vibrators. The rotation buttons are on/off and a change direction button. Simple as pie. The vibration levels are low and high. There is a dedicated on/off button (I noticed no loss of motor power while having both going at one time); I only wish there were more speed variations on this toy.

The clitoral vibrator is {like usual, a bullet} a smaller rabbit with long soft ears. The ears do offer some amazing clitoral stimulation, you know, because I was sure that part would be horrible based on past experience and what I have heard. The ears flap fast, so if you don't need firm pressure achieve orgasm this is a great option for you. I prefer pressure, but I was able to get what I needed from the nose of the little bunny.

I have this stored in a small decorative box beside my bed with a little bag of Afterglow Wipes in there as well for easy clean up (be sure to still use toy cleaner and water every now and again to be sure the toy is totally clean). I also keep a small bottle of water based lubricant in there so I don't inadvertently use silicone (which would damage the toy).

The Sexy Bunny is waterproof. I know this for a fact. First, when you open the bottom to insert the batteries (4 AAA) you will notice a second battery cap to seal the battery compartment. I did test this toy in the tub, and it came out like new. Overall this is a quality toy; it is simple, but gets the job done and looks damn cute doing so...as I said, I just wish there were more options with the speed, and that I could actually feel the pearl rotations.

Thank you to Babeland for providing me with this toy to review.

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Bubblicious...I just had to!

Bubblicious...I just had to!

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