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Monday, November 8, 2010

Lube FAIL!!!

Nasty. I totally wish that could be my full review, because that is what the Hot + Sexy warming lubricant is. Nasty. It's gross.

Ok, so here is the actual review...unbiased and all.

Hot + Sexy lubricant comes in a 5 pack with a 1 oz. bottle of each flavor (hot cherry, vanilla, cinnamon, watermelon, and strawberry). I really do like the packaging. It is cute and effective and houses all the lubricants together. The whole package is very pink, which can be bad or good. I see it as good (but I have no issue buying ugly bottles of lube if the lubricant is effective). This pinkness of the pack is not intimidating for those who are looking to spice up their sessions but are easily embarrassed when buying the tools to do so. Plus, if I was not really open to a warming lube, and J brought this home, I might be more inclined to try it since it looks all frilly and shit (that's just me though).

The ingredients had me a little puzzled, I must admit. If you have allergies read each bottle individually. They all have glycerin (even though it isn't listed on the is on the bottles) which can cause yeast infections for some women. If you don't like glycerin, keep that in mind. Also, if you are one who avoids anything with Red Dye 40 know this, Cinnamon, Cherry, and Strawberry all have Red Dye 40 in them...some people avoid this dye like the Black Plague. And the final ingredient that made me say "what the fuck?!?!" Caramel. Yeah, like glycerin wasn't enough...let's add caramel! Really? There wasn't a better ingredient? Caramel is in the Cherry flavor, so

The Hot + Sexy lube is supposed to be a warming lubricant that gently warms up when blown on. Well, it does warm up...for a second. Certainly not long enough to be useful or pleasurable. The momentary warming was nice, but four seconds of warm does NOT make this a warming lubricant. Which brings me to my next point. Lube.

The lube is thin at best. More like a slightly thick water that has no staying power and needs to be reapplied. If this Hot + Sexy had a decent taste I might be apt to say thin is ok, as is reapplication. However, J said the taste was awful and to "toss that shit, it's fucking useless." Classy J, really.

Now, because J refused to use these lubes a second time...or finish up with me until I washed it all off, I had to taste test these all on my own. Ok...ding ding ding!!! I found the heat! It heated on my tongue, except...that isn't how they are supposed to work. Well, damn. As far as flavor...gross. Cinnamon, watermelon, and cherry are nasty. Watermelon is just fucking disgusting. They are bitter, warm, and have a gross aftertaste. Actually, they all have a pretty bitter aftertaste. Vanilla wasn't totally disgusting, but the aftertaste was enough to never make me use it again. Strawberry tastes like strawberry, I guess if you like cough're good with this one.

And then comes the water...really. Saliva makes a better lubricant than the Hot + Sexy lube. It has zero staying power. None. At. All. Hot + Sexy is runny at best and makes a huge sticky mess when used, then you have to clean up, but now you have lube everywhere, so you have to do laundry. So now sex, oral or any other kind has just become a giant cleanup process.

Overall, really? Just use saliva and incorporate fruit or something. Save the effort and money and get a better lubricant that isn't just a giant novelty joke. One that does what it claims to do.

A few hot alternative selections:
Warming and flavored: Wet Lotion
Warming, flavored multipack: Razzles
Warming and Glycerin free: System Jo
*Please not I have not tried these personally, but they get decent ratings from (well...Wet and Jo anyway) reviewers I trust.*

Thanks to Eden Fantasys for sending me this product to review.

This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.