Hey look...I blogged

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Hey look...I blogged

Well, I looked at my blog today, and I'll be damned if I didn't realize I have been so flippin' busy reviewing that I haven't been posting like a normal person. Really. Sheesh Alley, get with it.

So yeah. Lately I have been having more and more of those I need you and I miss you moments. See, I battle depression, well actually PMDD (or Bipolar...they can't tell because it follows my jacked up cycles). Unfortunately there isn't much they can do for PMDD other than birth control and maybe some meds that I won't get into because you'll look at me like, aww poor girl she's all messed up and her husband it half a world away. Yeah...not me.

So basically I have no hormones...yup you read that right. Very low testosterone, which is so cool, but I also have really low estrogen levels as well...yeah, that sucks. And every now and again my estrogen will even out, except I kind of freak out when it does...oh it is awesome...I yell and scream and cry, just wonderful. Then to top all that off I have high progesterone. I have no idea how that happens. Really. And somehow I keep getting pregnant, fun right? I have had these issues since I was 9...yeah 9, like little girl kind of 9.

Until recently I wanted a hysterectomy, in fact I would beg and cry to doctors to give me one. Now that I am 26 and doctors are willing to consider it, I don't want it...and with good reason. Not only would that take my ability to have children, but it won't solve a damn thing. My patterns basically look like I am going through menopause...uh that will be the same once they take it all out, so what's the point?

Anyway, so why don't I just take birth control and let it even me out? Get this shit: I am allergic to Estrodile (the estrogen component in birth control). Oh, and...the reason I get so violently ill while I am ovulating? Oh, yeah...I am allergic to estrogen. Allergic. To. Estrogen. What the fuck is that about?!?! Seriously?!?! Who the hell is allergic to their own fucking hormones. Oh, because being a chick isn't bad enough with the bleeding once a month and the whole don't touch me I feel gross thing, but now I am allergic to myself! Oh. Oh. Oh...and telling J, holy hell what fun that was. He laughs and says of course you are baby. What? What does that mean? Oh well apparently he already knew I was all kind of fucked up (since when are ovarian cysts fucked up?) and he just assumed that I had to have something really wrong.

But see, this is beyond wrong. This is unnatural. It's, well, it's just sick. Like some kind of sick joke. So what do we do? Mini pill, ok, because I need more progesterone right? So my GYN says NuvaRing. Brilliant! Since the hormone doesn't pass through my whole body I don't get as sick...awesome! So I love my NuvaRing (J hates it, he can feel it when we have sex...I think that's funny). But, umm...I am still super bitch from hell. Antidepressants. That is their answer to everything, I swear to God. It is so retarded. So now I am a happy bitch. That's fun. But that's not all...now that I have some estrogen in my body I cry. All. The. Time. Like at least 3 hours a day is spent crying. Oh for the love of Pete. Really? I fix one small thing and three more present themselves. Amazing.

Well, I guess we will see...