Search this blog

Friday, July 24, 2009

Apparently I am a bitch

Ok, so I have had bad, random mood swings lately. I am talking epic mood swings. If J were here he probably would have locked me outside by now for acting like a bitch (act like one live like one right?) I am so frustrated right now, unbelievable. This all started a long time ago, I was like 12. It's all hormonal, which means I should be able to fix it right? WRONG!!! I have a severe deficiency of estrogen. Unreal...worse still...I am allergic to the estrogen itself. What the hell? Who the fuck is allergic to a hormone they produce (well, are supposed to produce anyway) on a daily basis? Are you kidding me!?!? Well, that news floored me, but explained sooooooo much.

The really bad part of all this? J catches all the shit for it. I feel awful after I scream at him for an hour. Of course he yells back and calls me names, but I really do deserve it. I lash out and I get mad and I cry blah blah blah. Regardless of our dynamic, we are married, and we do have real married people issues, and 90% of those are my fault. I am well aware of that. I love him, and I know he loves me too. If he didn't I wouldn't have everything I wanted. Yes, he dominates me, but I will be damned if he doesn't treat me well. And if anyone, and I mean anyone tried to emulate his behavior to me (which is consensual) he would flip. He would be angry not only because I am his and his alone, but because I didn't agree to it and expects everyone to have respect toward me. I am so thankful to have him in my life.

So in short...To J:
I am so sorry for being such a raging bitch lately. I promise you I will get this taken care of somehow. And I love you more than you can imagine.