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Sunday, January 24, 2010

Sour apples and some sweet fun

I had a great chance to review a super cute gift pack, the Sex Tarts Kit in green apple flavor. This kit includes a small squeeze tube, think hand lotion tube, of green apple (fizzy even) lubricant, a g-spot vibrator, and a set of duo-tone balls all bundled in a cute little plastic package that has a string on top (see photo) to hang it up with.

G-spot vibe:

Ok, so I love my g-spot vibrator. It is the Slimline G (mine is green of course). The vibrator is a total of 8 inches long, 7 of those are insertable. The tip curves to hit the g-spot, and it is about 1.5 inches in diameter at its widest point, although the shaft is about 1/2 inch wide. So basically this toy is meant only as a g-spot vibe. If you love to be filled this will not be your toy. Also, if you need discretion, this is not for you; the strong vibes are matched in loud noise.

If you are new to g-spot play this may actually be a great starter vibrator. The thickness of the bulged tip offers good pressure to the g-spot, and makes finding it all kinds of easy. Plus, the multi-speed function is on a turn dial at the base so that the speeds just roll into one another, making finding your right speed very easy. The slimline vibe is made of plastic, so it is body safe and can be cleaned easily. Just clean with a toy cleaner or wipe it down with some alcohol and you are set to go.

Now, this is a vibrator and there is no mistaking that, so don't leave it out if you are easily embarrassed. It takes two AA batteries, and the motor is actually fairly decent. I was sure it wouldn't be very strong, but I was wrong in my assumptions. The downside is that it feels like the motor is in the shaft, so your hand will get that numb-y feeling from the vibrations. Ooh, ooh...the vibrator is waterproof too. So if you are looking to try female ejaculation, you can try in the shower for faster clean up!!!

Duo-Tone Balls:

I don't know where to begin here...

Let's begin with the material, because that is what I first noticed. The material is plastic with, what feels like, a rubber-cote or TPR coating. It's not very ideal for easy insertion. I like my vaginal exercisers to be smooth and not need lubrication because I prefer to be able to hold them in without added lubricants fighting against me. This was my first issue.

Second. Size. They are huge, way to long for me. I am small, think Oompa Loompa. I am 4'11" and these were relatively painful to wear. The balls are connected with plastic in the middle which added to my difficulty wearing them, so keep this in mind if you are smaller like me. They may be too long to wear comfortably and you may need a set connected by a string or not connected at all (I prefer the latter, personally).

Ok, what the hell are they? A vaginal exerciser. You pop 'em in and hold them there using your PC muscles. This set is connected as I mentioned, and inside each ball is another ball that rattles around and stimulates (in theory) your vaginal walls. I have never been stimulated by any vaginal ball, so I cannot attest to that claim well (unfortunately). I can say I did feel these for the 45 seconds they would stay in at a time. There is also a cord attached to make removal easier on the person wearing the's really no different than a tampon string as far as feeling it goes.

To clean these all I can recommend is washing them in warm water with a good toy cleaner. You cannot boil them because of the plastic and I am not sure you can wipe alcohol on them...I will have to update you on that when I learn the exact material the balls are made up of.


Ok, is my only real issue with this item:
"Sugar free" contains sucralose, the stuff used to make Splenda, which is derived from sugar itself. Apparently you can label items as sugar free if under a certain amount is to be consumed as serving...being that this is a lubricant you shouldn't be eating it, so that works...technically.

However, on a "I am going to shove this into my vagina" note, the sucralose can have the same undesirable affects as sugar (i.e. yeast infections). Umm, yuck. So I don't recommend this for vaginal use unless you like to itch, burn, and stuff Monistat inside your lady parts. If you don't get a yeast infection easily, you can just ignore my little rant-y issues. I am a bit of a lube snob, so sorry.

Ok, now I did use this vaginally just to test for reviewing (and immediately showered and cleaned I have a Diflucan pill on standby). It did work well, but I found it to be watery, and so it dried up kind of fast for my liking. I ended up using something else entirely because I don't like to re-lubricate my toys during use. When I say it dried up fast, I mean within like three minutes fast.

I don't really care for green apple (although the taste wasn't so bad to me) so I took this to a friend and had her try it. She liked the flavor, so there you have it, the flavor of the lubricant was excellent. This would be good for giving head or a hand job (I do think you would have to go through a lot for a hand job though, so consider carefully). To be totally honest this lubricant reminds me of something a fifteen year old high school couple would buy just because it is cute, but as a full blown personal lubricant it doesn't quite cut it. Since it is water based it washed off very easily.

Would I recommend this kit?

Yes and no. Yes because of the vibrator; it is just yummy. I would recommend that vibe to anyone who wants a good g-spot stimulator. I don't recommend the lubricant for various reasons, but main ones are the ingredients which include parabens. I would recommend the duotone balls to anyone who believes their body type would be a good match for them; unfortunately vaginal exercisers are a hit or miss kind of thing, so you just have to try them out for yourself.