Wednesday, January 20, 2010
So, seven years ago I was a size zero with B cup boobs, thick legs (which I thought were totally sexy) and long thick dark hair. I looked as Latin as my genetic roots are. I am of an American-Italian decent, so I really portrayed that well. And I loved my body, I felt good. I always wished I had bigger breasts, but hey, that could be done, right? Then I met J.
Well, I got pregnant and my body was shot to hell. I was underweight at a whopping 98lbs, so I gained a ton of weight. I looked like a fucking whale, and NOT a cute one. When I had my daughter I lost 90% of the weight, but not all of it. I was devastated. I knew that would happen, but it hurt me to look at my new "mommy" body. After a ton of working out and dedication (thank you USMC for giving me the strength to do that one), I was at a place where I was happy with my body. J was deployed and he came home to my new body. Then, he got my new body pregnant. Again. Ugh...
I had my second daughter and never really could lose all the weight due to several medical issues after giving birth. Four years later I was finally happy with my body again. Thank God for that. Then I got sick...FUCK ME. I began to gain weight because of medications and hormones...here we go again. I am still not happy with my body to the fullest extent (in part due to Alopecia, so now I have a belly and I am going bald...fucking awesome), but I have made a decision.
I am going to look at one part of my body and love it for a month. I started with my breasts...I nursed one child, they grew, and they aren't all saggy, so damn it I will love my breasts. I stand in front of the mirror, and as I cringe at my belly or my ass, I look at my breasts and say..."well, at least you two look good." Then I walk away. I am working on the parts I don't like, but I will learn to love the ones I cannot change.
Why am I writing this? Because so many girls and women hate their bodies. I vote we all ban together and vow to learn to love what we have. Nothing is more powerful than self love. They say you will never really love anyone until you learn to love yourself first. So let's all do that, learn to love ourselves first. Then we can pass this amazing knowledge onto our daughters. And they can pass it onto their daughters, and so on and so forth. I know most women know all this, but I am suggesting we all try to do it together, as a group. When you have a support group you are more likely to commit and see through that commitment.
I may never learn to love every part of my body, but maybe I can learn to be ok with it. To all of you who have mastered this:
You are my heroes!!!