Random Curiosities: vanilla

Showing posts with label vanilla. Show all posts

Lube FAIL!!!

Nasty. I totally wish that could be my full review, because that is what the Hot + Sexy warming lubricant is. Nasty. It's gross.

Ok, so here is the actual review...unbiased and all.

Hot + Sexy lubricant comes in a 5 pack with a 1 oz. bottle of each flavor (hot cherry, vanilla, cinnamon, watermelon, and strawberry). I really do like the packaging. It is cute and effective and houses all the lubricants together. The whole package is very pink, which can be bad or good. I see it as good (but I have no issue buying ugly bottles of lube if the lubricant is effective). This pinkness of the pack is not intimidating for those who are looking to spice up their sessions but are easily embarrassed when buying the tools to do so. Plus, if I was not really open to a warming lube, and J brought this home, I might be more inclined to try it since it looks all frilly and shit (that's just me though).

The ingredients had me a little puzzled, I must admit. If you have allergies read each bottle individually. They all have glycerin (even though it isn't listed on the package...it is on the bottles) which can cause yeast infections for some women. If you don't like glycerin, keep that in mind. Also, if you are one who avoids anything with Red Dye 40 know this, Cinnamon, Cherry, and Strawberry all have Red Dye 40 in them...some people avoid this dye like the Black Plague. And the final ingredient that made me say "what the fuck?!?!" Caramel. Yeah, like glycerin wasn't enough...let's add caramel! Really? There wasn't a better ingredient? Caramel is in the Cherry flavor, so yeah...wow.

The Hot + Sexy lube is supposed to be a warming lubricant that gently warms up when blown on. Well, it does warm up...for a second. Certainly not long enough to be useful or pleasurable. The momentary warming was nice, but four seconds of warm does NOT make this a warming lubricant. Which brings me to my next point. Lube. Umm...no.

The lube is thin at best. More like a slightly thick water that has no staying power and needs to be reapplied. If this Hot + Sexy had a decent taste I might be apt to say thin is ok, as is reapplication. However, J said the taste was awful and to "toss that shit, it's fucking useless." Classy J, really.

Now, because J refused to use these lubes a second time...or finish up with me until I washed it all off, I had to taste test these all on my own. Ok...ding ding ding!!! I found the heat! It heated on my tongue, except...that isn't how they are supposed to work. Well, damn. As far as flavor...gross. Cinnamon, watermelon, and cherry are nasty. Watermelon is just fucking disgusting. They are bitter, warm, and have a gross aftertaste. Actually, they all have a pretty bitter aftertaste. Vanilla wasn't totally disgusting, but the aftertaste was enough to never make me use it again. Strawberry tastes like strawberry medicine...so, I guess if you like cough syrup...you're good with this one.

And then comes the water...really. Saliva makes a better lubricant than the Hot + Sexy lube. It has zero staying power. None. At. All. Hot + Sexy is runny at best and makes a huge sticky mess when used, then you have to clean up, but now you have lube everywhere, so you have to do laundry. So now sex, oral or any other kind has just become a giant cleanup process.

Overall, really? Just use saliva and incorporate fruit or something. Save the effort and money and get a better lubricant that isn't just a giant novelty joke. One that does what it claims to do.

A few hot alternative selections:
Warming and flavored: Wet Lotion
Warming, flavored multipack: Razzles
Warming and Glycerin free: System Jo
*Please not I have not tried these personally, but they get decent ratings from (well...Wet and Jo anyway) reviewers I trust.*

Thanks to Eden Fantasys for sending me this product to review.

$0.00Hot + Sexy warming lubricant Lubricant by Doc Johnson Buy from EdenFantasys
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.

Kama Sutra...winner like always

Kama Sutra...when I hear this I think of powders and oils and other sensual items. Umm. I guess not everyone hears that though, which is sad if you ask me (and since this is my blog...you DID). My bestie says she thinks of crazy sexual positions that men try to have their wives do, nearly always resulting in a trip to the E.R. Umm...no, not me. I think of a bohemian style packaging with wonderful scents inside it. And a feather duster for the dusts. Yum.

Ok, so I'll go right ahead and begin with the packaging. The dust bag comes packaged in a tin with the Kama Sutra boho wrapping around it. Once you get the lid off you will find a black bag with a plastic bag in it holding the Honey Dust. And a feather tickler for dust application. The dust is really fine, and it will pouf everywhere if you aren't careful...like baking cocoa style. Everywhere. I mean it.

You aren't going to want to put the powder into the pouch without the plastic baggy because of the fine nature of the powder. It will go through, it will make a huge mess, the whole nine. I actually keep mine in the tin without the bags at all. This works for me because of the ease of just being able to dip the feathers in and get to the powder.

Ok, now in actual use? Kama Sutra for the win! This Honey Dust is AMAZING!!! Seriously. It is so versatile it is disgusting. You can powder yourself before sex, after the shower (be sure you're dry first please), before a date, or just to go to the store. Really, this is a great item to make you feel sensual. And the duster is excellent for some sensual teasing in the bedroom :)

I wear mine daily, I have two flavors, Honey and Raspberry. It gets humid during summer so I put some on before I go anywhere in order to keep a bit more dry. The powder keeps you dry, as would any body powder with cornstarch (the main ingredient...along with glucose and flavoring). Just like diaper powder keeps a baby's bottom dry, this does the same for us adults (and it smells wonderful at the same time). I use it on my cleavage and my inner legs to keep dry and comfortable...and being kissable is a great side affect.

I also put the powder on after every shower (once I am totally dry). This gives me a slight scent and a very light taste...that way, when J kisses my neck, he isn't tasting perfume. Now, this does need care when used around the vaginal area because of the sugar in it (I sure am not a fan of yeast infections).

Honey Dust wears well during the day without the nasty clumping and gathering one would expect. It seems to just rest on the top of the skin and give a satiny feel to the skin. It comes off very easily in the shower and vacuums up if {try again...when} you spill it.

I have been using this product for years, and will continue to use it. I love it, and highly recommend it!!!

$25.99Honey dust

Powder by KamaSutra

Buy from EdenFantasys

BabeLicious Lubricant

Babeland sent me a bottle of their BabeLicious lubricant in Chocolate Orange flavor. The BabeLicious line reminds me of a high end line of products. Not in looks or packaging, but rather in the actual product itself. I was very impressed.

BabeLicious is a water based, glycerin, and paraben free flavored lubricant that is safe to use with all toys and during sex. I have to say though, I loved using this for oral. The flavor was so amazing and it added just a little bit of fun. And since it isn't super ridiculous thin like most flavored lubes I have tried (they are usually like colored water), it actually worked like a real lubricant. I won't go as far as to say that it is like a woman's natural lubricant, because it isn't, but it wasn't all gross like most of them are.

We were able to use the lube with a condom, and it never gave up on me. I will say that if the lubricant dries it will get tacky and you will need to add a little water to it to reactivate it. The lubricant avoids stickiness (and the whole yeast infection causing nastiness) by being glycerin free. BabeLicious is not overly sweet; the taste is light...more like a scent than an actual taste to it. It worked really well orally for me. Now, the scent does linger after washing...which is weird, but whatever. As long as it tastes as good as it does, I don't really care about the scent lingering, plus it kept my girly bits smelling delightful.

It comes in a 2 oz flip top tube (kind of like a short thick toothpaste tube) that is simple and discreet. You can leave it on your bedside table and it will look like a hand lotion from afar, so don't panic that people will know what is by your bed.

Thanks to Babeland for sending me this product in exchange for a review.

Takin' out the trash

Hey, there are like a hundred networking sites out there now, so I chose a few and I am on them now, so come follow me or join me :)

Twitter

Facebook

Tumblr

Yahoo id: JsCuriousAlley

So you have those, now you can follow and see what I am up to each and every second of the day. Ridiculous, I know. But, I can tell you that you might get a few funny links from Tumblr or from Twitter...or at least on Twitter you can see a billion other reviewers online.

As well, you may notice my blog changing over the next few days. No biggie, no major overhaul. Just a light spring clean and takin' out the garbage. It will be better than it was in the beginning when I finish getting rid of certain things.

Holy blog blow up Batman

Oh geeze. Ok, the only reason I am posting this is because I posted in the forums, but I am not giving those children the time of day at this point. For anyone wondering what the fuck I am talking about...well you can get the idea without me linking you to the post to add to the drama department.

So where do I stand? Let me begin with the fact that the company that is causing the drama is one of my favorite companies, and I am really flustered at the maturity levels of certain people there (well, lack there of anywho). So, basically the banning of a member took place. Hey, whatever, it's your website, your company, and your forums. Who the hell am I to tell you not to ban someone. My issue lies, not in the fact that Epiphora (yes, I am totally plugging her and sending my traffic her way...get the fuck over it) was not given a valid reason for being banned, but rather the pointless act of announcing it in its own thread. WTF?

Seriously people. That is lame, immature, low class, and mean. There was NO need to announce it to the community as a whole. That was a fucking low blow, and people can say 'til they are blue in the face that it was to be transparent, I call bullshit there. Here is my analogy:

I have a 7 year old. When she and her friends decided one girl was mean and they didn't want to play with her it was all good. Until...wait for it...they told her in front of the other kids in class. WTF? So I grounded said child. Why? Because that is a tasteless move that lowers you to a low class person. It makes you mean. She publicly humiliated (well, she partook in it) this little girl for no real reason. I see this mess the same way. Epiphora was publicly humiliated with no need. This was a bad move. Sorry, but it is pathetic to call yourself a mature adult and behave the way these administrators did.

I take no issue with the company personally, but c'mon people, please try to be nice to one another. Like I said, I have no issue with the banning. That is...well, whatever. I do have a problem with publicly announcing it for no. fucking. reason. All it did was piss people off. So a self proclaimed "positive community" finds it remotely acceptable to humiliate someone? No. Sorry, that won't do it for me. The banning will be whatever in a few days. Epiphora will go on. The thread will remain, however, to remind us all what a low class community we are. Nice.

As of yet, the admins haven't explained anything, and they can't justify their rude post announcing it. I do believe they owe the community in general an apology for their behavior. This is horrible behavior from a professional company that should really know better. I am really offended that they feel the need to announce that they banned someone. You can say it wasn't meant to be humiliating, but it was nonetheless humiliating. And, I am sorry, but I really believe it was meant to do just that.

A lot if folks think the thread was a stupid thread to start in the forums. But, hey if you think it is positive to show people that you are chill with pissing everyone, that is a personal problem. And ya' know what? Karma's a bitch.

The admins need to apologize like we would have our kids do if they fucked up. Man up peeps.

Will I continue to work with them? Yes. They have not wronged me, I just think certain things they have done were childish and pathetic. I have no direct qualms with them, and so I will continue my relationship with said company...I just may not refer anyone else to the forums because this was embarrassing.

Update from hell peoples :)

What have I been doing lately? Well besides watching the 1000 year flood waters recede back into the nasty ass Cumberland River where they belong, I have been packing and whatnot to move.

My Mother's Day was spent handing out cupcakes down the road from my house to other moms whose homes were under water when Nashville flooded. Oh yeah, in case you have been living under a rock, we found Atlantis...it is really called Bellevue and it was totally submerged. Much like I nearly was because my retarded ass needed to try to go to church. Yeah, that worked out well. I was flooded out of my subdivision, and evacuated to "higher ground." Bullshit. My so called "higher ground" flooded in front of my eyes and I made a mad dash through 3 feet or so if water to another city to wait out the rain. Hey, did I mention my kids were at home with J's mom while the fucking city flooded and I wasn't sure I would ever see them again. Yeah, that was great.

My birthday is in a few weeks as well...ugh. J is in San Diego working, and I am here, and I miss him horribly. I just don't know what to make of it all at this point. We were lucky this month, so let's see what is in store for us in the future :) Oh and the tree photo is to show you just how high some of the water in our area rose...mind you this is a dry area any other day.

Babeland Massage Candle

Oh yum. First off, J is a huge fan of a great massage, second, I like a good oil because it helps keep my hands pain free for longer. The Babeland Massage Candle is great. The outer packaging is fun and non-offending (sorry, but I am sick of skanky girls being the cover girls for the newest sexual awakening...some of us don't look like porn stars) while being cute and colorful. Because it is so basic the box can honestly house the candles until you are ready to use them and no one would think twice. It also makes for a great gift box...pop a bow on and you're ready to go.

The candle itself is in a small glass votive holder that is the hourglass shape and is absolutely gorgeous. I leave mine sitting on my night stand next to my body dusts. No one can tell by the outer candle that this is a sensual item in anyway.

When you burn the candle it isn't strong enough to scent the entire room. It is lightly scented (and comes in 4 luscious scents) and can only really be smelled when you apply the oil. The candle melts down slowly to a thin massage oil. The oil spreads very well and it cools down fast enough to be used without prolonged waiting. Your skin will remain soft and supple from the massage. You can even use the oil as a basic body oil after taking a bath (just take care to use only a very small amount). You will be left smelling fresh and feeling wonderful. If you prefer to get the oil off you can simply take a shower and wash it all off.

I couldn't find anything I didn't like about this candle. I do wish it were a bit larger, but that can be remedied by adding more candles to the collection.

Thank you to Babeland for providing me this product in exchange for an honest review.

pardon me, monsieur...

Cutesy, pink and ruffly is all I can say. The Parodon my french cami set is so flippin' cute! So the main material is a solid pink microfiber with white ruffles piped in black. The whole color scheme is very girly and very subdued. Not quite something you might choose as the hottest or sexiest item you own.

The cami runs a little short for my tastes, I prefer stuff longer, bat hey that's just me. The ruffles run along the breast line. They are about an inch thick each and there are three. In theory this should accentuate the breasts, but apparently my breasts are a jacked-the-hell-up shape because they just looked odd and floppy. Since I don't have perky DD boobs this lingerie quickly degraded from hot sex lingerie to cutesy bedtime lingerie. Oops, I forgot the bow. A satin bow adorns the top center of the top. There, now you know...it made that big of an impression.

So while the top is cute, unfortunately the list of cons just outweighs the top's cuteness. Basically, the straight across the breast cut was less than flattering and while sleeping in it I woke up several times with my breast hanging out. No. J is not in town, thank.you.very.much. The straps were fine, normally I would have not liked the placement, you know the outer areas of your breast like convertible strapless bra strap placement, but the softness of the microfiber allowed it to be comfortable. And to add insult to injury on the breast issue, if you don't have a flat abdomen, you can expect the top to continuously roll upward. So if you look at all like me (you know, a girl who isn't quite heavy, but has given birth twice and doesn't have rockin' abs) you can expect your boobs to fall out and the top to fall below them, and then the top will roll upward. Yeah, that's sexy. But I still think the top is cute and kinda like it.

Panties? Yeah, they made it a little higher on my list. They are comfortable for one. The panties are a bikini style cut with the same three inch ruffle line at the top as the cami has. In addition to soft microfiber, and a classic and comfy cut there is a gorgeous key hole cut in the back of the panties at the top with an adorable bow layered over it. I am in love with the panties, can't you tell? Oh, and they are cotton lined on the inside for breathe-ability. They are a classic and flattering design that anyone can comfortably wear.

Care and maintenance? I do all my lingerie (even though this material is strong enough to tough it out regular style) the same. In a lingerie bag. On delicate. In Woolite. Period. No variations. You can also hand wash if you prefer, I am just not that damned motivated about laundry. As for drying, lay flat and allow the pieces to dry. I usually throw mine in the dryer on cool with a dryer sheet to avoid static (because microfiber is the king of static electricity) and to fluff and make the set smell all pretty.

Overall this is a decent set. For me, the panties make the set. I wasn't overly thrilled with the top. I actually found it annoying how it could find a way to insult my body at each turn. Oh well. The panties were amazing, a key holed back to show just enough to entice anyone around you, the frilly ruffles along the top, and the forethought of being lined in cotton were all enough to make me squeal for joy. Honestly, I think anyone would look damn hot in these panties, even Jack Black. This cami set is a cute one for the right body, but for the rest of us who aren't perfect the pardon my french set would likely be best left as a sexy sleepwear outfit.

Is this shit even legal???

Ok, so everyone is on this bandwagon, and I thought I would shed some light to any readers who don't already know about the website Healthy Strokes. You can read Epophora's take as well as Saraid's take. Let me being by placing a disclaimer that I am not a physician, but I think I may know just a little more about the female body than this guy. He is an absolute idiot.

I masturbate with a back massager, and I've always wanted to know if that's good or bad. I have really good orgasms and I can masturbate up to 30 times a day. (age 13)

I think it's bad. You should be developing a healthy sexuality so you can successfully have sex with a partner someday. I don't think a massager helps you do that.

Then...

I really want a vibrator but I don't know how to get one. I am not very open with my older sister or mother or any other older woman so I can't ask them. Where can I get one? (age 13)

I don't know that I'd recommend a vibrator at age 13. You ought to get to know your body better first. All I could do is tell you about a bunch of web sites, for which you probably don't have a credit card. (One of the most popular vibrators, the Hitachi Magic Wand, is available on amazon.com for $39.99. I don't recommend a vibrator or any particular brand or website.) You might consider buying one on eBay. Many eBay sellers accept cash or money orders.

I think you'll have to ask someone who has a credit card and/or can go into the kind of local store that sells them. They will probably assume you want it for masturbating.

Um, ok, so you are a hypocrite, right? First they are bad, then you tell a 13 year old to ask someone to buy her one. Oh, and I would never say, hey you want a vibrator? You're 13? The Hitachi, of all things, is right up your alley. Areyoufuckingjoking!?!?!?

Oh and I am totally fucking speechless:

I want a vibrator but I don't know how to get one. Do you think I can go into Le Sex Shoppe and get one? I look old enough for them to think that I am of age. Is it OK if I fantasize about having sex with women. I know I don't swing that way but I would like to try it one day. (age 15)

Vibrators are generally not age-restricted by the government, so I don't think you wouldn't be breaking any law by buying one. Stores like that know that some of their customers are underage and don't make an issue unless they're selling a restricted product. As I suggested above, you might consider buying one on eBay. What you fantasize about is up to you.

While vibrators are not really *restricted* by age per say, um...she isn't 18 and cannot legally enter a sex store you fucking moron. OMFG. OMG.

Ummm.....yeah, he seems to be a lot on the incestuous side. Right, because I would be cool with my older sister fucking me with a vibrator. Good Lord.

Is it OK to help your younger sister who is 12 to masturbate with your vibrator? I don't touch her myself. I use the vibrator. (age 16)

I don't see anything wrong with that. Of course, once you've shown her how, you won't need to help anymore.

Holy fuck...what the...why? Just why???

Are there any household items that can serve as lubes? Where can I get them? How do I use them? How do I keep my mom from noticing I masturbate? P.S. I love your site. (age 14)

Lots of young people use lotion, Vaseline, or ordinary saliva as lubes. Just apply a drop or two to the area that you are stimulating. I think if you clean up and don't leave sex toys and sexy pictures lying around, she won't notice.

Lotion? Vaseline? Umm, dude, chicks shouldn't stick that shit in their vaginas. Oh. My. God. Does anyone else see the issues here?

Why do males masturbate more than females?

As discussed elsewhere on this site, masturbation is universal among males past puberty, while only three quarters of females have done so by their 18th birthday. Remember why males masturbate:

They enjoy it
To release built-up sexual fluids; and
To keep their sperm in good condition for fertilization.

These last two reasons amount to a biological imperative for males to masturbate. Females don't share this biological imperative. So the only reason they do it is because they enjoy it. Considered in this light, it's understandable that (1) more males masturbate; and (2) males are more likely to make a regular habit of it.

Because I have never looked at J and said "fuck me, fuck me now or I might die." Oh, and it isn't a biological necessity, apparently he has never heard of asexuals. Just fucking amazing. He also says that not ejaculating for two weeks causes prostate damage. Asshole, this isn't true, if it was there would be a ton of unhappy males out there. J has gone months with nothing while he was deployed or training, it is possible. Oh and another thing, you don't need to jack off to keep your sperm healthy. In fact doing so too much will lessen chances of pregnancy, hence doctors telling fertility patients to only have sex during ovulation to increase the chance of pregnancy. Of course he might know this shit if he googled it.

So why don't I warn against heterosexual experimentation too? Because this isn't a two-way street; many females would reject a male for having engaged in homosexual activity, but no gay men would reject one for having experimented heterosexually. So it's rational for a male to postpone homosexual experimentation until he's certain he's gay.

Please, I beg of you please, tell me if I am wrong here: This is a generalized assumption, and there is a such thing as bi-sexual activity...I would know. So, having said that, how can one assume no gay male would reject another based on past sexual activity/preferences? Being gay is not so taboo that there are only six of them out there, so they can be just as picky as the next. To me this is the equivalent of saying all men like to watch lesbians. It simply isn't true.

I could go on and on and on...please for the love of all things do not let your kids get advise for retards like this one. I have two daughters and I fear everyday that someone will give them bad info like this. These kids who are taking his advise are in a bad position, they cannot be sexually healthy using this site. Besides, I am pretty fucking sure he is some 45 year old fat, bald guy with bad acne that has never been laid before and is living in his mom's basement jacking off to all the questions asked by 12 year olds. Sorry, but is how I feel about the situation.

Oh, one other thing, this whole TMS bullshit? Yeah, so if a guy can't masturbate on his stomach how does this asshole suggest he perform missionary sex (even though I think missionary is horrid)?

Morning sex...

Ugh, I have been hating my mornings. Let me tell you. I get up at 6am to get the kid ready for school, she is out the door around 7am. Then get the other kid to school at 8:30am. All while J is asleep. Not that I mind that part because he will be leaving for Cali soon and will be getting up at like 4:30am to get to work by like 8am. It would be bitchy of me to resent him.

Anyway...I never get my coffee anymore, and I am often very cranky as a direct result. I like to have my cup of coffee and read all the posts and blogs and whatnot that I can while I wake up. Ugh, I seriously need a new job...anyone want to hire a professional Virtual Assistant? No, seriously, anyone? No, fine. I really do enjoy working from home, and I work better that way, but hey, whatever. So, I never get my coffee, I get up early, I am cranky, and then...

drum-roll please

You guessed it...J wants sex. Are you fucking kidding?!?!? Well, of course I end up doing it, but come on people!!! Can't I get a damn cup of coffee anymore?!? Ok, for my birthday I want everyone to pitch in and get me my Coffee Maker!!! PLEASE :)

Sometimes it can be too much

It's been a while since I have really written a post here. There are reasons for that, though. I had some drama I had to dismiss recently and it was harder than I expected. I ended up losing a friend over it all, not that I really care though. You see a so called friend of mine had an affair...that I can deal with, because you know...shit happens. What I could not deal with was her total inability to take responsibility for what she did. She just kept making excuses rather than saying, yup I did it, here is why, and it was wrong.

Let me begin here. I have a good friend who's great husband allows her to have a boyfriend on the side. Now, I don't know all the details in that relationship, and to be honest they don't really matter all that much. What matters is is the fact that she is honest about her lifestyle. In the other situation, that friend is not honest. She sneaks around, uses us as her excuse. That is the part I take issue with. I don't like that she repeatedly says it was an accident. Umm...so will it be an accident tomorrow? Most people learn from their mistakes, not her.

The part that really grates at me? She had the audacity to call me her best friend. All she does is lie and cheat and she calls me her best friend. I haven't heard an honest thing come out of her mouth in years. Excuse me if I don't think we are actually friends. So I basically told her I was choosing sides in a giant mess she created and that we were no longer friends to any remote extent. Do I feel bad? Not really. I mean, she lies and cheats and is not a good person, so in all I feel I have lost nothing.

In other news...

I was diagnosed with PCOS, clearly it is a rising issue in women. My concern is that I am all about having more kids...you know, like I want 6 or so...

Well, that is on hold for now because I am no longer fucking ovulating. Stupid ovaries. I was really upset about a week ago because of this. Actually, a few weeks ago I broke down and cried because my sister sent me her wedding photos and she's knocked up with damn twins and I can't even get one. AGGGHHH. Can you just hear me screaming into my pillow? Yes, I know I have kids...I want more. I feel like it is the only thing I do right sometimes. I never had issues getting pregnant before and now it is driving me nuts. What makes it worse is that my very best friend has PCOS and she has no kids at all. Plus, her 17 year old cousin just got pregnant. Said friend is almost 27. She is a wreck over it all. I can't even begin to imagine her pain. If I feel this bad because I can't have more, I can't begin to know how bad it feels to not be able to have one. To add insult t injury for her people keep giving helpful alternatives to her...I think she may kill someone. I want to slap a few people for her. It's been a long few weeks.

On the upside I will be moving to San Diego in the middle of May!!! Yay!!!

Squee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So we have been crazy busy over here. J got home and about a week later the dogs got out and ran off to God knows where. I actually got a call saying someone saw one of them running around Harding Rd (mind you that is a big fucking street), like I am supposed to not take my kids to school, call the bank to yell at them, and do my other 39,667 I have to do today just so I can drive for another three hours looking for a dog that is, more than likely, not mine...again. Ugh. But I miss my babies, and I want them home more than you can imagine. I just know someone has my beagle and has seen one of my 200 ads and is refusing to give him back...I hope he bites them in the shins. Ok, I am clearly lacking sleep too.

After the pups ran off I had to go to the Dr for a raging UTI, gee, I can't imagine how I would get one of those (you know, since J is home after a year of being gone). When I got home the MIL has this retarded look on her face and J says to pack our shit, we are moving to San Diego. Are you fucking with me? No, he wasn't he got the job in San Diego, and now...we get to go. Ok, well, he will go in a week or two, then we wait for the midgets to get out of school, then I will get to go out there. Stoked. So, we are looking at apartments, and condos in San Diego, Alpine, and Poway. Yippee!!!

Oh, and to make matters better, I finally got my E-stim vibe in the mail from EF yesterday :)

Meh...it wasn't anything to write home about

And believe me, if it was, I would have. I am a lube whore. I love love love it. You see I have this issue that keeps me in gawd awful pain during sex and we are always looking for a good lube to help us out with some of that. Well, I have been eyeing Liquid Silk for a while now. It is a water based lube, well more of a hybrid really. It contains no glycerin (no stickies later, and no burning now) so I am up for trying it. It does contain parabens, so if you don't like them in your lubricants this is your warning here. Also, as I said, it is a hybrid, while it's water based it does have Dimethicone listed as an ingredient. Dimethicone is a key ingredient in silicone lubricants, and having it in the "hybrid" lubes gives them more staying power over all.

While is use with just me and J this lubricant worked really well. I did experience some burning, but I am not wholeheartedly sure that was caused by the lubricant specifically. We also used it with a condom with no adverse affects. My only concern is that I have heard that some people have had their silicone toys react badly to this lube. That would be devastating to me, so I will not use it on my silicone toys just as a precaution. So, I have heard it, but will not be testing it.

The Liquid Silk lasted without needing any additional applications during sex, so I was very impressed by the staying power it had. It is a milky color and a little thicker in consistency, I am very sure you are thinking of what it looked like going "oh!" I wasn't too fond of the bottle itself. The smaller bottles are very hard to squeeze and take way too much time to get it all out. As far as reapplication, all I had to do was add a little bit of water and it was set to go, but the lube itself actually lasted over an hour. Would I set this out as my go to lube? No, not likely. I liked it, but I am not a fan of parabens, so this wouldn't be a good everyday lubricant for me. But it just might make a great go to lube for you.

Thank you to Babeland.com for sending me the Liquid Silk Lubricant for review.

Like Hershey's only sexy

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Ugh...marriage

Really. I don't even know where to begin. My stress level is through the roof as I look for a job, J has been bugging the hell out of me about it, and my sister is a pain in the ass on top of all that. I am undeniably tired of the bullshit.

I hate where we live, the schools suck ass, the people are rude, and you can't get a decent Italian meal for shit. I am sick of it and I am SO ready to uproot and move to NYC or somewhere relative to who we really are.

Anywho...I have a butt load of reviews to push out, but I am lost on some of them. Ick. I hate that. Oh well.

Blah, blah, blah...BULLSHIT

Oh sorry, I may feel a rant coming on here. I know, I know...where the hell are the reviews Alley? Well, geeze people give me a moment. I will have a new review or two up by tonight...YAY. Anywho...this blog isn't just about reviews...I have a life too (kinda).

Well, I love Facebook, but good heavens people...

QUIT BITCHING 24/7

I don't care that you haven't slept in two weeks because your child is teething. Been there. Done that. Get the hell over it.

I don't care if your husband won't help with the dishes. Lots of women do dishes all by themselves. Get the hell over it. Oh and if he notices that you spend 12 hours a day on FB bitching about him and he chooses to leave you...it's your own damn fault you idiot.

Gosh people. Aren't we just a wee bit selfish.

I haven't slept in months...sick kids, sick me and my stupid hospitalizations. I have been poked and prodded to Georgia and back. My hair is falling out, I was diagnosed as postmenopausal...blah blah blah. Who the hell really cares.
*Ok, well I care about that stuff, but that isn't the point of this rant*

I really wish people would make a concentrated effort to SMILE. Just once a day. That's all. Just a smile.

On a wonderful up note I had a fun experience online with J today. Hehehe. It was totally innocent until he decided I needed an orgasm. Um...ok? I will take it when I can get it. Plus he should be home soon so let the doors be ready to be locked for a long time!!!

I am demanding at least 48 hours child free. After that I will go back to being Mommy by day and sex toy by...well, whenever J wants. :) I have some restraints that need some SERIOUS attention.

When the hell did I get so FUCKING busy???

Oh. My. Word. When the hell did I get so damn busy? I feel like it has been the week or two from hell. Doctors appointments, more flippin' snow days (because 1/8 of an inch of snow means we can't leave the house, right?), sick kids, lots of reviews, preparing for J to come home, and who know what the hell else. Oh wait. The mother~in~law moved in too.

So about those Doctor's appointments...

Yeah, well it appears I have Alopecia. Yeah. No shit. But the good news is that it can be managed easily. Well, that's more like it. I ended up buying a fall because I couldn't take looking at my nasty scraggly hair any longer, so I covered that shit with a headband fall. So I have a special medication I use daily for a month then twice a month for...well...forever really. Awesome. Just what I needed.

So let's recap shall we. In October I was put in the ER because of H1N1, then I was admitted for a high heart rate and was told I have SVT. Super. So then my doctor decided I am not depressed or crazy, but I have PMDD. OB/GYN treats that with NuvaRing even though I told him I was allergic to Estrodile. NuvaRing makes my hair fall out. Not a little. Over 3/4 of my fucking hair fell out of my head. Why? Because I am fucking allergic to Estrodile. Stupid Dr. My scalp swelled up and my hair fell out. Then blood tests come back saying I am post menopausal. OB/GYN says that isn't possible. Well, test results beg to differ. Ugh...I am just so over all this shit.

Love your body please

So, seven years ago I was a size zero with B cup boobs, thick legs (which I thought were totally sexy) and long thick dark hair. I looked as Latin as my genetic roots are. I am of an American-Italian decent, so I really portrayed that well. And I loved my body, I felt good. I always wished I had bigger breasts, but hey, that could be done, right? Then I met J.

Well, I got pregnant and my body was shot to hell. I was underweight at a whopping 98lbs, so I gained a ton of weight. I looked like a fucking whale, and NOT a cute one. When I had my daughter I lost 90% of the weight, but not all of it. I was devastated. I knew that would happen, but it hurt me to look at my new "mommy" body. After a ton of working out and dedication (thank you USMC for giving me the strength to do that one), I was at a place where I was happy with my body. J was deployed and he came home to my new body. Then, he got my new body pregnant. Again. Ugh...

I had my second daughter and never really could lose all the weight due to several medical issues after giving birth. Four years later I was finally happy with my body again. Thank God for that. Then I got sick...FUCK ME. I began to gain weight because of medications and hormones...here we go again. I am still not happy with my body to the fullest extent (in part due to Alopecia, so now I have a belly and I am going bald...fucking awesome), but I have made a decision.

I am going to look at one part of my body and love it for a month. I started with my breasts...I nursed one child, they grew, and they aren't all saggy, so damn it I will love my breasts. I stand in front of the mirror, and as I cringe at my belly or my ass, I look at my breasts and say..."well, at least you two look good." Then I walk away. I am working on the parts I don't like, but I will learn to love the ones I cannot change.

Why am I writing this? Because so many girls and women hate their bodies. I vote we all ban together and vow to learn to love what we have. Nothing is more powerful than self love. They say you will never really love anyone until you learn to love yourself first. So let's all do that, learn to love ourselves first. Then we can pass this amazing knowledge onto our daughters. And they can pass it onto their daughters, and so on and so forth. I know most women know all this, but I am suggesting we all try to do it together, as a group. When you have a support group you are more likely to commit and see through that commitment.

I may never learn to love every part of my body, but maybe I can learn to be ok with it. To all of you who have mastered this:

You are my heroes!!!

Yummy Win

Ok, so I am having a Mommy moment here. I did post this on my other blog, along with the recipe if anyone wants it, but I neededto post it here too. I am just so freaking proud of my to die for truffles that I made. I plan to make them for Valentine's day for my kids' classes, but I needed a test run first so I didn't fuck them up completely. Because, that would suck. Ok, I won't bore you with Vanilla type crap anymore tonight. I am going to have a truffle and light my candle and have a glass of wine, oh wait...I have no wine...damn it all. Ok, well 2 outta three isn't too bad.

New progress

Just a quick teaser to a new review y'all should be seeing soon :) So, where the hell have I been? Ok, let's begin with the last minute call from Daddy saying we had tickets to SoCal {home to me} for the holidays. Then I am on a plane. But oh wait! TSA managed to DROP my laptop. After I was done screaming at the guy I grabbed my laptop and boarded my plane. Now I am on a plane. Then I am in Cali with family and my very best friend on earth is getting married! Squee!!! I helped plan a wedding, drank way too much wine on several occasions, convinced best friend's fiance to fix said laptop, saw several family melt downs, and began speaking to my sister again because we both agree Daddy's an ass. All in all, a very bust few weeks. Oh, and I saw a long lost friend who caught her hubby in an affair and was too embarrassed to tell us.

Busy, busy, busy. Then we came back to hell {Tennessee to everyone else}. School was canceled due to slush {they think it is snow}. I can't look for a job while the kids are in my house people!!! School needs to resume. Now my life is back to boring, and I am kind of thankful for that. Oh, and everytime Tweetdeck goes off I reach to answer my phone. I am not in a happy place, but I am working on that. Sex toys won't give me the feeling I need, so I am back to scrapbooking. I have thrown myself into a huge project that I am stoked about! I am trying to get a scrap area together for me...possibly even set up my laptop and do photos for reviews there and all. I am really excited. I am even trying to come up with and idea for finishing the "Little Black Book" I started several years ago for J. Basically it is a book with photos of me for him. Now it will be a little "blue" book though because I bought a new album to put it in. Yay! If you want to you can follow my progress {J don't you even dare follow the book} you can do so HERE.

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