Lube FAIL!!!

Lube FAIL!!!

Nasty. I totally wish that could be my full review, because that is what the Hot + Sexy warming lubricant is. Nasty. It's gross.

Ok, so here is the actual review...unbiased and all.

Hot + Sexy lubricant comes in a 5 pack with a 1 oz. bottle of each flavor (hot cherry, vanilla, cinnamon, watermelon, and strawberry). I really do like the packaging. It is cute and effective and houses all the lubricants together. The whole package is very pink, which can be bad or good. I see it as good (but I have no issue buying ugly bottles of lube if the lubricant is effective). This pinkness of the pack is not intimidating for those who are looking to spice up their sessions but are easily embarrassed when buying the tools to do so. Plus, if I was not really open to a warming lube, and J brought this home, I might be more inclined to try it since it looks all frilly and shit (that's just me though).

The ingredients had me a little puzzled, I must admit. If you have allergies read each bottle individually. They all have glycerin (even though it isn't listed on the package...it is on the bottles) which can cause yeast infections for some women. If you don't like glycerin, keep that in mind. Also, if you are one who avoids anything with Red Dye 40 know this, Cinnamon, Cherry, and Strawberry all have Red Dye 40 in them...some people avoid this dye like the Black Plague. And the final ingredient that made me say "what the fuck?!?!" Caramel. Yeah, like glycerin wasn't enough...let's add caramel! Really? There wasn't a better ingredient? Caramel is in the Cherry flavor, so yeah...wow.

The Hot + Sexy lube is supposed to be a warming lubricant that gently warms up when blown on. Well, it does warm up...for a second. Certainly not long enough to be useful or pleasurable. The momentary warming was nice, but four seconds of warm does NOT make this a warming lubricant. Which brings me to my next point. Lube. Umm...no.

The lube is thin at best. More like a slightly thick water that has no staying power and needs to be reapplied. If this Hot + Sexy had a decent taste I might be apt to say thin is ok, as is reapplication. However, J said the taste was awful and to "toss that shit, it's fucking useless." Classy J, really.

Now, because J refused to use these lubes a second time...or finish up with me until I washed it all off, I had to taste test these all on my own. Ok...ding ding ding!!! I found the heat! It heated on my tongue, except...that isn't how they are supposed to work. Well, damn. As far as flavor...gross. Cinnamon, watermelon, and cherry are nasty. Watermelon is just fucking disgusting. They are bitter, warm, and have a gross aftertaste. Actually, they all have a pretty bitter aftertaste. Vanilla wasn't totally disgusting, but the aftertaste was enough to never make me use it again. Strawberry tastes like strawberry medicine...so, I guess if you like cough syrup...you're good with this one.

And then comes the water...really. Saliva makes a better lubricant than the Hot + Sexy lube. It has zero staying power. None. At. All. Hot + Sexy is runny at best and makes a huge sticky mess when used, then you have to clean up, but now you have lube everywhere, so you have to do laundry. So now sex, oral or any other kind has just become a giant cleanup process.

Overall, really? Just use saliva and incorporate fruit or something. Save the effort and money and get a better lubricant that isn't just a giant novelty joke. One that does what it claims to do.



A few hot alternative selections:
Warming and flavored: Wet Lotion
Warming, flavored multipack: Razzles
Warming and Glycerin free: System Jo
*Please not I have not tried these personally, but they get decent ratings from (well...Wet and Jo anyway) reviewers I trust.*

Thanks to Eden Fantasys for sending me this product to review.

$0.00Hot + Sexy warming lubricant Lubricant by Doc Johnson Buy from EdenFantasys

This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.

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Morality

Morality

If you have none, no morals, no ethics...

Please go the hell away...

Don't tell me I can't take to my blog to rant...

Don't tell me you care about my feelings...

Don't bullshit the people who got you where you are...

This all makes you a GIANT ASSHOLE.

That is all.

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Update from hell peoples :)

Update from hell peoples :)

What have I been doing lately? Well besides watching the 1000 year flood waters recede back into the nasty ass Cumberland River where they belong, I have been packing and whatnot to move.

My Mother's Day was spent handing out cupcakes down the road from my house to other moms whose homes were under water when Nashville flooded. Oh yeah, in case you have been living under a rock, we found Atlantis...it is really called Bellevue and it was totally submerged. Much like I nearly was because my retarded ass needed to try to go to church. Yeah, that worked out well. I was flooded out of my subdivision, and evacuated to "higher ground." Bullshit. My so called "higher ground" flooded in front of my eyes and I made a mad dash through 3 feet or so if water to another city to wait out the rain. Hey, did I mention my kids were at home with J's mom while the fucking city flooded and I wasn't sure I would ever see them again. Yeah, that was great.

My birthday is in a few weeks as well...ugh. J is in San Diego working, and I am here, and I miss him horribly. I just don't know what to make of it all at this point. We were lucky this month, so let's see what is in store for us in the future :) Oh and the tree photo is to show you just how high some of the water in our area rose...mind you this is a dry area any other day.

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Is this shit even legal???

Is this shit even legal???

Ok, so everyone is on this bandwagon, and I thought I would shed some light to any readers who don't already know about the website Healthy Strokes. You can read Epophora's take as well as Saraid's take. Let me being by placing a disclaimer that I am not a physician, but I think I may know just a little more about the female body than this guy. He is an absolute idiot.

I masturbate with a back massager, and I've always wanted to know if that's good or bad. I have really good orgasms and I can masturbate up to 30 times a day. (age 13)

I think it's bad. You should be developing a healthy sexuality so you can successfully have sex with a partner someday. I don't think a massager helps you do that.

Then...

I really want a vibrator but I don't know how to get one. I am not very open with my older sister or mother or any other older woman so I can't ask them. Where can I get one? (age 13)

I don't know that I'd recommend a vibrator at age 13. You ought to get to know your body better first. All I could do is tell you about a bunch of web sites, for which you probably don't have a credit card. (One of the most popular vibrators, the Hitachi Magic Wand, is available on amazon.com for $39.99. I don't recommend a vibrator or any particular brand or website.) You might consider buying one on eBay. Many eBay sellers accept cash or money orders.

I think you'll have to ask someone who has a credit card and/or can go into the kind of local store that sells them. They will probably assume you want it for masturbating.

Um, ok, so you are a hypocrite, right? First they are bad, then you tell a 13 year old to ask someone to buy her one. Oh, and I would never say, hey you want a vibrator? You're 13? The Hitachi, of all things, is right up your alley. Areyoufuckingjoking!?!?!?

Oh and I am totally fucking speechless:

I want a vibrator but I don't know how to get one. Do you think I can go into Le Sex Shoppe and get one? I look old enough for them to think that I am of age. Is it OK if I fantasize about having sex with women. I know I don't swing that way but I would like to try it one day. (age 15)

Vibrators are generally not age-restricted by the government, so I don't think you wouldn't be breaking any law by buying one. Stores like that know that some of their customers are underage and don't make an issue unless they're selling a restricted product. As I suggested above, you might consider buying one on eBay. What you fantasize about is up to you.

While vibrators are not really *restricted* by age per say, um...she isn't 18 and cannot legally enter a sex store you fucking moron. OMFG. OMG.

Ummm.....yeah, he seems to be a lot on the incestuous side. Right, because I would be cool with my older sister fucking me with a vibrator. Good Lord.

Is it OK to help your younger sister who is 12 to masturbate with your vibrator? I don't touch her myself. I use the vibrator. (age 16)

I don't see anything wrong with that. Of course, once you've shown her how, you won't need to help anymore.

Holy fuck...what the...why? Just why???

Are there any household items that can serve as lubes? Where can I get them? How do I use them? How do I keep my mom from noticing I masturbate? P.S. I love your site. (age 14)

Lots of young people use lotion, Vaseline, or ordinary saliva as lubes. Just apply a drop or two to the area that you are stimulating. I think if you clean up and don't leave sex toys and sexy pictures lying around, she won't notice.

Lotion? Vaseline? Umm, dude, chicks shouldn't stick that shit in their vaginas. Oh. My. God. Does anyone else see the issues here?

Why do males masturbate more than females?

As discussed elsewhere on this site, masturbation is universal among males past puberty, while only three quarters of females have done so by their 18th birthday. Remember why males masturbate:

1. They enjoy it
2. To release built-up sexual fluids; and
3. To keep their sperm in good condition for fertilization.

These last two reasons amount to a biological imperative for males to masturbate. Females don't share this biological imperative. So the only reason they do it is because they enjoy it. Considered in this light, it's understandable that (1) more males masturbate; and (2) males are more likely to make a regular habit of it.

Because I have never looked at J and said "fuck me, fuck me now or I might die." Oh, and it isn't a biological necessity, apparently he has never heard of asexuals. Just fucking amazing. He also says that not ejaculating for two weeks causes prostate damage. Asshole, this isn't true, if it was there would be a ton of unhappy males out there. J has gone months with nothing while he was deployed or training, it is possible. Oh and another thing, you don't need to jack off to keep your sperm healthy. In fact doing so too much will lessen chances of pregnancy, hence doctors telling fertility patients to only have sex during ovulation to increase the chance of pregnancy. Of course he might know this shit if he googled it.

So why don't I warn against heterosexual experimentation too? Because this isn't a two-way street; many females would reject a male for having engaged in homosexual activity, but no gay men would reject one for having experimented heterosexually. So it's rational for a male to postpone homosexual experimentation until he's certain he's gay.

Please, I beg of you please, tell me if I am wrong here: This is a generalized assumption, and there is a such thing as bi-sexual activity...I would know. So, having said that, how can one assume no gay male would reject another based on past sexual activity/preferences? Being gay is not so taboo that there are only six of them out there, so they can be just as picky as the next. To me this is the equivalent of saying all men like to watch lesbians. It simply isn't true.

I could go on and on and on...please for the love of all things do not let your kids get advise for retards like this one. I have two daughters and I fear everyday that someone will give them bad info like this. These kids who are taking his advise are in a bad position, they cannot be sexually healthy using this site. Besides, I am pretty fucking sure he is some 45 year old fat, bald guy with bad acne that has never been laid before and is living in his mom's basement jacking off to all the questions asked by 12 year olds. Sorry, but is how I feel about the situation.

Oh, one other thing, this whole TMS bullshit? Yeah, so if a guy can't masturbate on his stomach how does this asshole suggest he perform missionary sex (even though I think missionary is horrid)?

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