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Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts

The talking vulva...

So, yeah...have you seen the giant talking vulva from Babeland yet? I am SO. SERIOUS. Really, a giant talking vulva. I would like...I don't know...die? if my vulva talked to me and gave me advice.

Ok, so this one is a lot less threatening, and she doesn't bleed at random on my new clothes (TMI?? Get over it). You can ask her questions and she will answer them for you. You know, like why is the sky blue? Are there really aliens? Why the hell is Rudolph's nose red? Or, well you could ask about sex, toys, sex toys, lubricants, crazy kinky stuff (or rather stuff you think is kinky, but I find cute).

So, what are your questions for the Vulva? You know, since she's here and all...you may as well get a Q&A session. If she doesn't answer I will answer the questions on my blog for you...k? Yeah, I thought you might like that.

So I will open up the floor with my question to the Vulva...
What should I get my best friend for Christmas? She's married and wants to spice her love life up, but she needs to do it discreetly so no one sees what they are doing. She says she wants some toys to use with her man, but doesn't want an obvious vibrator. What is the best gift for her?

While the Vulva is thinking about my answer you need to head on over to Babeland and check out their easy to use Holiday Gift Guide!



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Lube FAIL!!!


Nasty. I totally wish that could be my full review, because that is what the Hot + Sexy warming lubricant is. Nasty. It's gross.

Ok, so here is the actual review...unbiased and all.

Hot + Sexy lubricant comes in a 5 pack with a 1 oz. bottle of each flavor (hot cherry, vanilla, cinnamon, watermelon, and strawberry). I really do like the packaging. It is cute and effective and houses all the lubricants together. The whole package is very pink, which can be bad or good. I see it as good (but I have no issue buying ugly bottles of lube if the lubricant is effective). This pinkness of the pack is not intimidating for those who are looking to spice up their sessions but are easily embarrassed when buying the tools to do so. Plus, if I was not really open to a warming lube, and J brought this home, I might be more inclined to try it since it looks all frilly and shit (that's just me though).

The ingredients had me a little puzzled, I must admit. If you have allergies read each bottle individually. They all have glycerin (even though it isn't listed on the package...it is on the bottles) which can cause yeast infections for some women. If you don't like glycerin, keep that in mind. Also, if you are one who avoids anything with Red Dye 40 know this, Cinnamon, Cherry, and Strawberry all have Red Dye 40 in them...some people avoid this dye like the Black Plague. And the final ingredient that made me say "what the fuck?!?!" Caramel. Yeah, like glycerin wasn't enough...let's add caramel! Really? There wasn't a better ingredient? Caramel is in the Cherry flavor, so yeah...wow.

The Hot + Sexy lube is supposed to be a warming lubricant that gently warms up when blown on. Well, it does warm up...for a second. Certainly not long enough to be useful or pleasurable. The momentary warming was nice, but four seconds of warm does NOT make this a warming lubricant. Which brings me to my next point. Lube. Umm...no.

The lube is thin at best. More like a slightly thick water that has no staying power and needs to be reapplied. If this Hot + Sexy had a decent taste I might be apt to say thin is ok, as is reapplication. However, J said the taste was awful and to "toss that shit, it's fucking useless." Classy J, really.

Now, because J refused to use these lubes a second time...or finish up with me until I washed it all off, I had to taste test these all on my own. Ok...ding ding ding!!! I found the heat! It heated on my tongue, except...that isn't how they are supposed to work. Well, damn. As far as flavor...gross. Cinnamon, watermelon, and cherry are nasty. Watermelon is just fucking disgusting. They are bitter, warm, and have a gross aftertaste. Actually, they all have a pretty bitter aftertaste. Vanilla wasn't totally disgusting, but the aftertaste was enough to never make me use it again. Strawberry tastes like strawberry medicine...so, I guess if you like cough syrup...you're good with this one.

And then comes the water...really. Saliva makes a better lubricant than the Hot + Sexy lube. It has zero staying power. None. At. All. Hot + Sexy is runny at best and makes a huge sticky mess when used, then you have to clean up, but now you have lube everywhere, so you have to do laundry. So now sex, oral or any other kind has just become a giant cleanup process.

Overall, really? Just use saliva and incorporate fruit or something. Save the effort and money and get a better lubricant that isn't just a giant novelty joke. One that does what it claims to do.



A few hot alternative selections:
Warming and flavored: Wet Lotion
Warming, flavored multipack: Razzles
Warming and Glycerin free: System Jo
*Please not I have not tried these personally, but they get decent ratings from (well...Wet and Jo anyway) reviewers I trust.*

Thanks to Eden Fantasys for sending me this product to review.





This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.

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Pink Water Based Lube


So I had a chance to test the ever so popular PINK lube (water based of course) and I can honestly say I liked it. Not "I loved it," not "it was amazing," but just liked. Why? Well, it was lube. Sure, the bottle is all girly and nice, and there is no glycerin, but that is about it. Aside from those attributes it is like any other lube I own.

I was sure this would be revolutionary, but it wasn't and I was not amazed at all. There are still parabens in the lube, and it is made with Aspartame. Gross. It simply didn't last as long as some other water based lubricants that I already had on hand.

What is good about this particular lube is the bottle; it is discreet. You can leave it on the nightstand and no one will really question what it is because it doesn't look like WET or KY. There is no crazy smell, and it is totally awful tasting (in case you feel the urge to give some oral after use). There is a distinct bitter taste to the lubricant.

Pink Water comes in a small bottle that looks like it might be a lotion or a soap bottle, complete with a pump dispenser (which J totally broke off 0= ) and a small travel cap that snaps back in place after use. The dispenser drops about a small pea size ball of lubricant on to you.

I wasn't pleased with the consistency of the Pink Water, that is my opinion though. It is very thin and runny, and I do prefer a thicker lubricant. I have found that thickness equals versatility in a lubricant. I like all of my lubes to be good for anal play if needed in a pinch.

Overall, the Pink Water Lubricant is simply so-so. It is good if you like a runny lube that is discreet, but I really prefer functionality over aesthetics. You can get yours (and other sex toys) at Fascinations.

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Here's a toy I can sink my teeth into

Twi-hards everywhere are ecstatic. So thanks to Tantus (and the amazing Carrie Ann, who sent this to me for Christmas) you can now have Edward any time you would like. Seriously. The Vamp. A solid silicone dildo measuring about 6.25 inchs (insertable) long and 1.5 inches thick, the Vamp is just what you would expect from Edward. It is a very pale skin tone with light sparkles that shine in the light, just like the real vampires (you know, if there were any...and if there were, I wouldn't need a dildo...I would just fuck one of them).

At first glance I thought the Vamp was massive. I generally don't get anything over 1.25 inches thick, but I made the sacrifice just so I could tell people I had one. The Vamp holds warmth as well as cool. You can warm it up in a bowl of warm water (please don't use the microwave, you could get hurt...in a bad way), or you can choose to cool it in ice water for that "I am fucking a vampire" feeling.

The head of the toy is very pronounced and offers a lot of sensation upon insertion, but I have to say that the veining and whatnot, yeah, you can't feel it at all unless you are like uber~sensitive. The base is wide enough for safe anal play (and the material can be sanitized) or to be used in a harness for some strap~on play. The silicone is pliable, but is not so flexible that inserting the toy becomes a pain in the ass (literally for some people). The silicone is also slick enough that playing vaginally with no lubricant can actually be done, but remember to use lube while playing anally.

Because of the shape of the head of the Vamp and the slickness of the silicone I don't have too much drag while using it, and it (miraculously doesn't do the infamous "pop" in and out of my body. It actually flows very nicely. I do find myself cleaning off lint all the time, but this is no different from any other silicone toy I happen to own, so no biggie really...I just keep a package of Afterglow wipes by the bed to clean it off with from time to time.

Who might like the Vamp?
Twi~hards world wide. And anyone else who might like a pretty and well made dildo. The size seems large compared to a one inch toy, so don't be shocked when you see it. The size isn't all that huge of a deal, it is still small enough for anyone to use really. Anyone who likes anal play, dildos (in general) and strap~on play might enjoy the Vamp more than they realize. The only thing I would recommend is to know ahead of time what size dildo you like. The Vamp doesn't get wider as it goes in, but rather, it begins that way. It is a phallic shape, and stays true to the size through the entire shaft.

Proper Care & Maintenance
I store my Vamp in a drawstring bag beside my bed {see photo}. I also clean it before and after every use. You can clean your Vamp with warm soap and water, a toy cleaner, boil it, bleach it, or put it on the top rack of your dishwasher. It is fairly easy to maintain. The slickness of the silicone makes all the dust rinse right off. The one restriction to this is lubricant. Water based lubes will not interact with the silicone, but everything else will. I patch tested mine on the bottom and it did not react well with a silicone lubricant, so be careful.

Play safe and have fun :)







product picture
$39.99Vamp
Dildo by Tantus
Material: Silicone
Safety:


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Is this shit even legal???


Ok, so everyone is on this bandwagon, and I thought I would shed some light to any readers who don't already know about the website Healthy Strokes. You can read Epophora's take as well as Saraid's take. Let me being by placing a disclaimer that I am not a physician, but I think I may know just a little more about the female body than this guy. He is an absolute idiot.

I masturbate with a back massager, and I've always wanted to know if that's good or bad. I have really good orgasms and I can masturbate up to 30 times a day. (age 13)

I think it's bad. You should be developing a healthy sexuality so you can successfully have sex with a partner someday. I don't think a massager helps you do that.

Then...

I really want a vibrator but I don't know how to get one. I am not very open with my older sister or mother or any other older woman so I can't ask them. Where can I get one? (age 13)

I don't know that I'd recommend a vibrator at age 13. You ought to get to know your body better first. All I could do is tell you about a bunch of web sites, for which you probably don't have a credit card. (One of the most popular vibrators, the Hitachi Magic Wand, is available on amazon.com for $39.99. I don't recommend a vibrator or any particular brand or website.) You might consider buying one on eBay. Many eBay sellers accept cash or money orders.

I think you'll have to ask someone who has a credit card and/or can go into the kind of local store that sells them. They will probably assume you want it for masturbating.

Um, ok, so you are a hypocrite, right? First they are bad, then you tell a 13 year old to ask someone to buy her one. Oh, and I would never say, hey you want a vibrator? You're 13? The Hitachi, of all things, is right up your alley. Areyoufuckingjoking!?!?!?

Oh and I am totally fucking speechless:

I want a vibrator but I don't know how to get one. Do you think I can go into Le Sex Shoppe and get one? I look old enough for them to think that I am of age. Is it OK if I fantasize about having sex with women. I know I don't swing that way but I would like to try it one day. (age 15)

Vibrators are generally not age-restricted by the government, so I don't think you wouldn't be breaking any law by buying one. Stores like that know that some of their customers are underage and don't make an issue unless they're selling a restricted product. As I suggested above, you might consider buying one on eBay. What you fantasize about is up to you.

While vibrators are not really *restricted* by age per say, um...she isn't 18 and cannot legally enter a sex store you fucking moron. OMFG. OMG.

Ummm.....yeah, he seems to be a lot on the incestuous side. Right, because I would be cool with my older sister fucking me with a vibrator. Good Lord.

Is it OK to help your younger sister who is 12 to masturbate with your vibrator? I don't touch her myself. I use the vibrator. (age 16)

I don't see anything wrong with that. Of course, once you've shown her how, you won't need to help anymore.

Holy fuck...what the...why? Just why???

Are there any household items that can serve as lubes? Where can I get them? How do I use them? How do I keep my mom from noticing I masturbate? P.S. I love your site. (age 14)

Lots of young people use lotion, Vaseline, or ordinary saliva as lubes. Just apply a drop or two to the area that you are stimulating. I think if you clean up and don't leave sex toys and sexy pictures lying around, she won't notice.

Lotion? Vaseline? Umm, dude, chicks shouldn't stick that shit in their vaginas. Oh. My. God. Does anyone else see the issues here?

Why do males masturbate more than females?

As discussed elsewhere on this site, masturbation is universal among males past puberty, while only three quarters of females have done so by their 18th birthday. Remember why males masturbate:

  1. They enjoy it
  2. To release built-up sexual fluids; and
  3. To keep their sperm in good condition for fertilization.
These last two reasons amount to a biological imperative for males to masturbate. Females don't share this biological imperative. So the only reason they do it is because they enjoy it. Considered in this light, it's understandable that (1) more males masturbate; and (2) males are more likely to make a regular habit of it.

Because I have never looked at J and said "fuck me, fuck me now or I might die." Oh, and it isn't a biological necessity, apparently he has never heard of asexuals. Just fucking amazing. He also says that not ejaculating for two weeks causes prostate damage. Asshole, this isn't true, if it was there would be a ton of unhappy males out there. J has gone months with nothing while he was deployed or training, it is possible. Oh and another thing, you don't need to jack off to keep your sperm healthy. In fact doing so too much will lessen chances of pregnancy, hence doctors telling fertility patients to only have sex during ovulation to increase the chance of pregnancy. Of course he might know this shit if he googled it.

So why don't I warn against heterosexual experimentation too? Because this isn't a two-way street; many females would reject a male for having engaged in homosexual activity, but no gay men would reject one for having experimented heterosexually. So it's rational for a male to postpone homosexual experimentation until he's certain he's gay.

Please, I beg of you please, tell me if I am wrong here: This is a generalized assumption, and there is a such thing as bi-sexual activity...I would know. So, having said that, how can one assume no gay male would reject another based on past sexual activity/preferences? Being gay is not so taboo that there are only six of them out there, so they can be just as picky as the next. To me this is the equivalent of saying all men like to watch lesbians. It simply isn't true.

I could go on and on and on...please for the love of all things do not let your kids get advise for retards like this one. I have two daughters and I fear everyday that someone will give them bad info like this. These kids who are taking his advise are in a bad position, they cannot be sexually healthy using this site. Besides, I am pretty fucking sure he is some 45 year old fat, bald guy with bad acne that has never been laid before and is living in his mom's basement jacking off to all the questions asked by 12 year olds. Sorry, but is how I feel about the situation.

Oh, one other thing, this whole TMS bullshit? Yeah, so if a guy can't masturbate on his stomach how does this asshole suggest he perform missionary sex (even though I think missionary is horrid)?




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Better than old stale chocolate, but not the good stuff

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Meh...it wasn't anything to write home about

And believe me, if it was, I would have. I am a lube whore. I love love love it. You see I have this issue that keeps me in gawd awful pain during sex and we are always looking for a good lube to help us out with some of that. Well, I have been eyeing Liquid Silk for a while now. It is a water based lube, well more of a hybrid really. It contains no glycerin (no stickies later, and no burning now) so I am up for trying it. It does contain parabens, so if you don't like them in your lubricants this is your warning here. Also, as I said, it is a hybrid, while it's water based it does have Dimethicone listed as an ingredient. Dimethicone is a key ingredient in silicone lubricants, and having it in the "hybrid" lubes gives them more staying power over all.

While is use with just me and J this lubricant worked really well. I did experience some burning, but I am not wholeheartedly sure that was caused by the lubricant specifically. We also used it with a condom with no adverse affects. My only concern is that I have heard that some people have had their silicone toys react badly to this lube. That would be devastating to me, so I will not use it on my silicone toys just as a precaution. So, I have heard it, but will not be testing it.

The Liquid Silk lasted without needing any additional applications during sex, so I was very impressed by the staying power it had. It is a milky color and a little thicker in consistency, I am very sure you are thinking of what it looked like going "oh!" I wasn't too fond of the bottle itself. The smaller bottles are very hard to squeeze and take way too much time to get it all out. As far as reapplication, all I had to do was add a little bit of water and it was set to go, but the lube itself actually lasted over an hour. Would I set this out as my go to lube? No, not likely. I liked it, but I am not a fan of parabens, so this wouldn't be a good everyday lubricant for me. But it just might make a great go to lube for you.




Thank you to Babeland.com for sending me the Liquid Silk Lubricant for review.



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Ouch...where the fuck did that come from?


So almost all of you know J came home last week. He was in MS and I had to go get him because he refused to wait until Friday to come home. So I drove to MS Tuesday and picked him up; we stayed the night in AL and came home Wednesday. We had a ton of fun together. I have missed him way too much for my own good since he left.

Then comes Friday night...

Oh my. Where do I even begin. Well, let's start with the fact that he has been gone almost a whole year and hasn't had a chance to really play with me, or any of the newer toys. Sure...he was here in November, but we were in Bostone, NYC and Philly during that time and we had the kids with us. So Friday night came. He seriously didn't want me to know what he was going to do to me apparently. There are never blindfolds in our play, but he used one.
And cuffs
And a flogger
And some clamps
And the Vamp (we won't get into that, but damn I am still sore)
And a g-spot vibe
And who knows what else...

It was like that for a while too.

I am still recovering. That's it.


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Blah, blah, blah...BULLSHIT


Oh sorry, I may feel a rant coming on here. I know, I know...where the hell are the reviews Alley? Well, geeze people give me a moment. I will have a new review or two up by tonight...YAY. Anywho...this blog isn't just about reviews...I have a life too (kinda).

Well, I love Facebook, but good heavens people...

QUIT BITCHING 24/7

I don't care that you haven't slept in two weeks because your child is teething. Been there. Done that. Get the hell over it.

I don't care if your husband won't help with the dishes. Lots of women do dishes all by themselves. Get the hell over it. Oh and if he notices that you spend 12 hours a day on FB bitching about him and he chooses to leave you...it's your own damn fault you idiot.

Gosh people. Aren't we just a wee bit selfish.

I haven't slept in months...sick kids, sick me and my stupid hospitalizations. I have been poked and prodded to Georgia and back. My hair is falling out, I was diagnosed as postmenopausal...blah blah blah. Who the hell really cares.
*Ok, well I care about that stuff, but that isn't the point of this rant*

I really wish people would make a concentrated effort to SMILE. Just once a day. That's all. Just a smile.

On a wonderful up note I had a fun experience online with J today. Hehehe. It was totally innocent until he decided I needed an orgasm. Um...ok? I will take it when I can get it. Plus he should be home soon so let the doors be ready to be locked for a long time!!!

I am demanding at least 48 hours child free. After that I will go back to being Mommy by day and sex toy by...well, whenever J wants. :) I have some restraints that need some SERIOUS attention.

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Hairloss and my sex life?

So if you happen to have read on my other blog you will know by now I was diagnosed with Alopecia (a condition that causes random to total, in my case total, hairloss). The catalyst for the Alopecia is unknown, which is really sickening to me. But what is my most recent concern? My sex life.

Why? Well I know J says he will still love me, and I don't doubt that, but I also know that he likes long hair. It kills me to think that when he comes home I may have, no...most likely will have no hair left on my head. I know he loves me, but what will he think of me? Will he be in shock, will he not mind at all, truly not mind? Will it be unattractive to him? I really believe these are valid concerns of a married woman.

*Sigh*

If you want to see what all is happening and how it all goes you can follow here.

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Sour apples and some sweet fun


I had a great chance to review a super cute gift pack, the Sex Tarts Kit in green apple flavor. This kit includes a small squeeze tube, think hand lotion tube, of green apple (fizzy even) lubricant, a g-spot vibrator, and a set of duo-tone balls all bundled in a cute little plastic package that has a string on top (see photo) to hang it up with.






G-spot vibe:

Ok, so I love my g-spot vibrator. It is the Slimline G (mine is green of course). The vibrator is a total of 8 inches long, 7 of those are insertable. The tip curves to hit the g-spot, and it is about 1.5 inches in diameter at its widest point, although the shaft is about 1/2 inch wide. So basically this toy is meant only as a g-spot vibe. If you love to be filled this will not be your toy. Also, if you need discretion, this is not for you; the strong vibes are matched in loud noise.

If you are new to g-spot play this may actually be a great starter vibrator. The thickness of the bulged tip offers good pressure to the g-spot, and makes finding it all kinds of easy. Plus, the multi-speed function is on a turn dial at the base so that the speeds just roll into one another, making finding your right speed very easy. The slimline vibe is made of plastic, so it is body safe and can be cleaned easily. Just clean with a toy cleaner or wipe it down with some alcohol and you are set to go.

Now, this is a vibrator and there is no mistaking that, so don't leave it out if you are easily embarrassed. It takes two AA batteries, and the motor is actually fairly decent. I was sure it wouldn't be very strong, but I was wrong in my assumptions. The downside is that it feels like the motor is in the shaft, so your hand will get that numb-y feeling from the vibrations. Ooh, ooh...the vibrator is waterproof too. So if you are looking to try female ejaculation, you can try in the shower for faster clean up!!!

Duo-Tone Balls:

I don't know where to begin here...

Let's begin with the material, because that is what I first noticed. The material is plastic with, what feels like, a rubber-cote or TPR coating. It's not very ideal for easy insertion. I like my vaginal exercisers to be smooth and not need lubrication because I prefer to be able to hold them in without added lubricants fighting against me. This was my first issue.

Second. Size. They are huge, way to long for me. I am small, think Oompa Loompa. I am 4'11" and these were relatively painful to wear. The balls are connected with plastic in the middle which added to my difficulty wearing them, so keep this in mind if you are smaller like me. They may be too long to wear comfortably and you may need a set connected by a string or not connected at all (I prefer the latter, personally).

Ok, what the hell are they? A vaginal exerciser. You pop 'em in and hold them there using your PC muscles. This set is connected as I mentioned, and inside each ball is another ball that rattles around and stimulates (in theory) your vaginal walls. I have never been stimulated by any vaginal ball, so I cannot attest to that claim well (unfortunately). I can say I did feel these for the 45 seconds they would stay in at a time. There is also a cord attached to make removal easier on the person wearing the balls...it's really no different than a tampon string as far as feeling it goes.

To clean these all I can recommend is washing them in warm water with a good toy cleaner. You cannot boil them because of the plastic and I am not sure you can wipe alcohol on them...I will have to update you on that when I learn the exact material the balls are made up of.

Lubricant:

Ok, so...here is my only real issue with this item:
"Sugar free"
Yet...it contains sucralose, the stuff used to make Splenda, which is derived from sugar itself. Apparently you can label items as sugar free if under a certain amount is to be consumed as serving...being that this is a lubricant you shouldn't be eating it, so that works...technically.

However, on a "I am going to shove this into my vagina" note, the sucralose can have the same undesirable affects as sugar (i.e. yeast infections). Umm, yuck. So I don't recommend this for vaginal use unless you like to itch, burn, and stuff Monistat inside your lady parts. If you don't get a yeast infection easily, you can just ignore my little rant-y issues. I am a bit of a lube snob, so sorry.

Ok, now I did use this vaginally just to test for reviewing (and immediately showered and cleaned off...plus I have a Diflucan pill on standby). It did work well, but I found it to be watery, and so it dried up kind of fast for my liking. I ended up using something else entirely because I don't like to re-lubricate my toys during use. When I say it dried up fast, I mean within like three minutes fast.

I don't really care for green apple (although the taste wasn't so bad to me) so I took this to a friend and had her try it. She liked the flavor, so there you have it, the flavor of the lubricant was excellent. This would be good for giving head or a hand job (I do think you would have to go through a lot for a hand job though, so consider carefully). To be totally honest this lubricant reminds me of something a fifteen year old high school couple would buy just because it is cute, but as a full blown personal lubricant it doesn't quite cut it. Since it is water based it washed off very easily.


Would I recommend this kit?

Yes and no. Yes because of the vibrator; it is just yummy. I would recommend that vibe to anyone who wants a good g-spot stimulator. I don't recommend the lubricant for various reasons, but main ones are the ingredients which include parabens. I would recommend the duotone balls to anyone who believes their body type would be a good match for them; unfortunately vaginal exercisers are a hit or miss kind of thing, so you just have to try them out for yourself.

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Sleek, sexy, pretty....yup, that's all


Ok, so Eden Fantasys allowed me to review the Panache pure sophistication vibrator by Orion. I was so excited, I mean, it is pink, and shiny and it comes with a discreet box to store it in. Um, hello...of course I wanted one.

So a little background info to help you decide what you think of the style and size of the Panache. The Panache is made of plastic and can be used with all types of lubricants, and it can be cleaned with cleanser and warm water or by wiping it down with alcohol. It is 5.25 inches long and all but one of those are insertable. Now, this is a basic type of vibrator, just sleek and slim (only one inch thick)...although it is a bit short. The Panache is waterproof (tested and affirmed, thank you very much!), and has the classic turn style base to control the speed and function(s). I, however, would not say it is multispeed (that insinuates that you can change the speed and count how many speeds there are)...no...it is more like two speeds (high and low) and you can continuously escalate from low to high, and vice versa).

What's so cool about the Panache vibe? Oh, well for me that's super simple...the little storage box it comes with. Pink and shiny like the vibe, but it conceals your toy in plain sight with no sign that there is a sex toy in the room. The container looks amazing! As an added bonus the Panache came with a small storage bag as well. So I can just toss it in my bag and not have to carry the box.

So how was my experience with the Panache? Well, it seems as though discreet may have been done all too well. Rather than becoming a super cute go to toy I think of this more as a toy made for prudish type women who don't want to admit they like their vibrator. My main concern would be the lack of power to the vibrator. The Panache only requires one AA battery, and well, if that doesn't seem like a lot, it is because it isn't. A single AA battery just doesn't offer the "oomph" this vibe needs. The vibrations are a deep rumble with very little actual vibration moving through the vibrator. The highest setting is hardly a warm-up vibration, even for most first time toy users. The vibrations are concentrated in the tip of the vibe, which would be good for clitoral stimulation if they were just a little bit stronger. As for internal stimulation, well you can't possibly feel the vibes inside your body. I was totally unable to reach an orgasm, but I did enjoy using the vibrator. I have to admit, even with small rumbley vibrations this toy can be a good addition to a toy box.

I love the look, and the overall girly style of the toy. I do wish the vibrations were stronger, but hey, I can live with a warm-up toy too. I would totally recommend this vibrator to a girly girl who is looking for a nice warm-up or a toy that potentially takes all night to give you an orgasm. This isn't an amazing toy, but it certainly isn't a bad toy.

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OMG, just OMG. I am truly amazed at people in general already, but sometimes, just sometimes there are people who make you say WTF?

Where is this coming from? Well let me begin with my new idea. Ok, so J had leave recently and came home for a few weeks which was just amazing and wonderful and miss him more than you can imagine...sorry, I am easily distracted (oh, and I am still fucking sore). Where was I, oh yeah, ok so J commented that he wanted to make me squirt (I seriously need a code name for that because it's gross). Now, let's keep in mind that I have never even had a G-spot orgasm in my entire life. Hell I didn't know where my G-spot was until I met J. Really. So I decided that this could be a cool adventure for us to do together. I could get that much talked about book Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot and a good curved dildo. I just thought, well ok this can work.

Well, let's keep in mind I am not particularly interested in getting good at the whole messy juice making thing, I am just very curious as to what it is everyone else finds so fascinating. Part of me wonders if it is just some type of fad brought on by the entertainment, or if women have known about this all along and kept it a very cruel secret. Because, let me tell you that if I find out it is amazing I will be tell random people I meet in the grocery store...ok, well I am in TN, so maybe not like that, but you get the idea of what I mean here.

So where is this all coming from? Well I thought the timing was just impeccable in regards to a blog post I read just a few short minutes ago. I was playing online and re-reading New Moon for the 786th time when a tweet popped up on my TwitterFox application from Toy With Me. Now, for those of you who haven't read her blog, well I am not sure what you're still doing here because really she is great! Really, she is so funny. My favorite story of her's is how her hair caught fire (READ IT). Besides that one there are a ton of others. Today she says squirting is gross and she doesn't get it and how women have way too much to love up to. What's funny is, while I want to learn to do it, I totally see where she is coming from on this blog post.

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Lavender makes the boys go wild, but not the girls...

Ok, so let me begin with a quick background lesson on me for those who are unaware. I am an aromatherapist, I have been using essential oils for nearly everything from cleaning to sunburns for nearly seven years now, so I chose this with a ton of forethought knowing good and damn well what the result would be (reaction wise) regarding myself and my husband.

A quick warning to those who get this:
Lavender will make your man nuts...he will get a hot and horny and you will have to give in. Lavender is a powerful aphrodisiac for men. For women, well we are not quite the same. Lavender relaxes us into a slumber. So, if you are getting this and you are a heterosexual couple keep this in mine, if you are a same sex couple, well you will be on the same page, so no worries to you and go for it!

All that being said. Eden Fantasys sent me a 4 oz. bottle of JO Aroma Mist (lavender obviously) for review. Now, the very first thing I noticed when I opened the box up was the dented bottle and the fact that the label was coming off. Ok, well I got over that when I opened the spray to smell it. YUM. I love pure oils and the sheer power of the smell just screamed PURE ESSENTIAL OIL!!! Believe me, for this amount of pureness, $19 is actually a steal.

The ingredient list is simple: Purified water, lavender oil, and alcohol.

Ok, so I began with spraying my fingers just to see the texture. I was assuming based on the color of the liquid (which is a creamy, gross looking yellow) and the fact that the liquid beaded onto the sides of the bottle that the liquid would be oily and not come off easily (a key characteristic of essential oils). Fortunately the alcohol seems to counteracts that greasiness by drying the oil out. It actually left my hand silky feeling. *Please note I do not recommend using this on your body without knowing the ingredient ratios as essential oils are a skin irritant*

I have used the spray on my sheets (I spray each sheet everyday as I make the bed so the oil will seep in). As of now, none of my bedding has been damaged by the oils in the spray (again I am assuming because of the alcohol). Because it uses just the mist the bottle will last you a long time if used properly. It is for this reason that I don't recommend spraying the air like the bottle says to. I think the scent lasts longer when applied to an actual physical object, like bedding, or a pillow. The bottle does say not to spray a surface (and please note the scent may never fully leave your bedding), so take that into consideration, but the spray will settle on something, so I figure just put it there.

I do sleep better with this on my sheets, and I am more relaxed when I am in my room with this smell in the air. Another option for use for the spray is to open the bottle and put a tablespoon of the liquid into your bath (so you get a bath oil as well). Once you are out of the water you will feel oily for a minute or two, but that will wear off very fast and you will be left with soft silky skin and you will be relaxed as well. I now wonder how this would work (for men) when added with a pheromone lotion or perfume. That will be my next step.

As for storage and clean up...well no one is going to think you a wild and crazy girl for having pretty smelling stuff in your house, so there are no real worries there honestly. I leave mine out on my dresser with no worries at all. I would show it to anyone who asked because it is nothing more than a room spray like you buy at Target or Walmart. No biggie at all. I keep it with all my other oils on a tray (so if it does spill my solid oak dresser won't be stained forever). To clean it off soap and water do the trick rather well because of the fact that the spray is not oily and is dried out quickly. If the spray gets onto your skin and you are worried a quick shower and some shower gel with quickly fix that up for you.

Overall I would really recommend this to anyone I know. I love it, and have even used it on my daughters' beds to help them sleep easier. If you aren't looking for that calming feeling, JO also has two other scents available, you can get Peppermint and Lemon scented sprays as well. So there really is something for everyone in this line of products.

A special thanks to Eden Fantasys for letting me review this item

product picture
Spray by System JO
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.

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You're fucking kidding! Right?


So I had one of those moments today where I had to stop and ask J "you're fucking kidding, right?!?" And nope, he wasn't.

As you well know, J is gone until May...out of the country and not at home to make me scream out himself. So we make do with toys.

J decided at the tail end of our conversation today that I needed to have an orgasm. Ok by me! So he told me to get my favorite glass toy and the Hitachi...hell yes!!!

Ok, well my glass dildo was missing...missing...I have two small children, so that can't be good! I made do with my lovely favorite vibrator sans batteries.

After playing for a while with some heavy thrusting and some manual masturbation along with permission from my wonderful and loving husband I had a great orgasm. No problem it was awesome!

Then J tells me to get the Hitachi..."WHAT?!?!" He repeated himself. I said "you're fucking kidding, right?" Nope, not a chance he was joking. He was dead serious. I said no way. He said do as you are told woman. Yup, that did it; I did as I was told. And he made me hold it there for twenty seconds. Do you know how long 20 seconds is when you are rolling out orgasm after orgasm? I was bushed afterward. Way worth every second!!!

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Oh, Jo!


Ok, so it's no big secret that my favorite lube is Jo H2O. Really, I mean it's thick, and water based, c'mon!

So recently I ran out of lube (OMG, I know right) and I needed more. Now the issue was that I was having a burning sensation from all things sex because I have a prolapsed uterus. So I went to a local shop that had nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not that I was willing to buy. The girl recommended System Jo for women stating that it was water based, silicone and oil free (duh, water based, remember?), and glycerin free. What does that mean to me? Well, that means that nasty burning feeling inside me after sex would be no more.

Why? Let's see; glycerin is a sugary substance that can encourage the growth of yeast in women, can we say Monostat? Nice, right. Plus, while it makes the lubricant last longer, it also makes it messy and sticky. I am not one to like getting up after sex say "eww, nasty." Glycerin is also common in soap, have you ever noticed that if you don't clean out really well after washing it can burn. Well, a lot of women have skin that is irritated by glycerin. So, naturally, glycerin free personal lubricants are amazing.

Beyond being body healthy, System Jo Water Based Lubricants are great because they are compatible with all toys. As long as you are using a water based lube there is no need to wonder if the lubricant you are using will damage your toy in any way. Silicone and silicone don't play well together, so I keep water based on hand at all times.

The awesome thing about this lube is that it doesn't dry up in 15 seconds like some other water based lubes do. It is thicker than a lot of other lubricants, and it sticks relatively well to toys. Now, on glass and super slick surfaces it will slide down kind of quickly, so I do recommend putting it directly on your body to avoid a potential mess and a slippery toy (I speak from personal experience here...had a glass wand slip/pop right out of my hand, it was funny though). To reactivate the lube you can just use a few drops of water, lube or saliva and you are good to go again.

It's in a basic pop top bottle that you poor from, so there is no huge mess, but it can be easy to over poor the amount you need. The best part for me is clean up, with some lubes you have to wash with soap and water and rinse repeat, blah, blah, blah...Nope. Not Jo, Jo rinses right off with no problem at all. Love it!

My little bottle of lube sits right on my dresser in plain sight all the time, 24/7. The bottle isn't one of the squirt things that looks like lotion, it doesn't have nakid people all over it, and it doesn't scream "HAVE SEX AND USE ME!!!" Honestly, I it looks like a lot of the hair and skin products I use. No one would give it a second look, including the kids. My little one said "mommy, you left you haiw stuff on dah dwesser." Aww.

I seriously recommend that everyone try this product. With all the benefits it has to offer, how could you not want to buy it. I know the price seems high, but a little goes a long way. My bottle lasts about 4-5 months...uh and I play, a lot! So give Jo a try. Get a bottle, grab a toy, partner, or both, and have at it!!!

Jo warming lubricant has no strong odors, but I wouldn't say odor free completely. If you place your nose directly to the bottle (with the cap off), as I did just to see, you will notice that the smell is reminiscent of bubbles. Really, bubbles. Like the kind you used to blow when you were a kid during summer. Some people may not like this, but it made me giggle, I liked it! I do not recommend this for oral sex. Really and truly. It has a bite to it. Kind of bitter in a not so amazing way. Like the slightest taste of a raw artichoke. Please for the love of all things holy, do not go lick an artichoke if you have no idea what I mean, you won't like it. So there is my little down fall for this product. Icky taste.

As I applied the lubricant I could feel it warming. It was not an overwhelming sensation of heat, just warm enough.

Benefits of Jo Warming Lube:

*Silky feeling
*Glycerin free
*Latex safe
*Nontoxic
*Hypoallergenic
*Colorless
*Gentle warming on contact

Value for Price: 5/5

Overall Star Rating: 5/5

product picture
Lubricant by System JO

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Glamorous Me


So here I am, all of 4'11" tall. I am small, I am irritating (I have been assured of this by J), insecure, have HUGE thighs, and I am slightly more than a whole lot of mean. I was raised with an older sister who stands 5'8" tall, wears a size 1 and wears a 32 D bra. What the fuck!?!? I was robbed at birth, I swear it. All my friends are taller, leggier, and a little thinner than me. My insecurities run very deep, and because of that not a whole lot in my mundane life makes me feel "glamorous." Why do I bring this up?

Secret Agent Mama is running a contest on her blog to win a $100 gift card to Eden Fantasys. Check the post out here. She is talking about glass toys and how glamorous they are. And I do have to admit, glass is so beautiful, it's hard to resist their pull to be used. She has some very sensual photos of a few glass toys up on her blog. Go vote for your favorite photo here. GO! Enter! NOW!

So, what does make me feel glamorous? Well that all depends on my mood. I am a Southern California bred and raised girl, so I love to look and feel like the place I came from. Which looks very out of place here in the farm hills of Tennessee. I generally wear a tee shirt and jeans with my favorite pair of Etnies. I can dress up that same outfit with a sexy pair of heels though, and I feel very at home, and a little glam even. I like to feel pretty with my hair done and jeans on in a casual look. I also like to feel like a princess.

J is good at that. He knows what will make me feel special, and I love him more for it. I like to get dressed up, hair done, make up on, and a nice pair of heels to go out with him. I feel more glamorous when I am with him than any other time. I like to look good and hear him say it. I like being on his arm, or having his arms wrapped around me. I especially like coming home from that night out to finish the night in. That look, you know the one. The look that your love gives you right before the clothes are torn off and tossed to the side because they can no longer bear to look at you wondering what you look like under them (in which case matching your bra and panties is a huge help). I feel not only glamorous, but just down right amazing when I see that hunger burning in his eyes. The lust. Even after the lustful events, when I still have my make up on, my hair is a mess, and I am in my sweats and a tank top, I still feel glamorous. I like to curl up in his lap and know he will never let me go.

So what makes me feel glamorous? J and the way we know and love one another. It's not the clothing, but rather the fact that I can still impress him so much that he still, after 7 years together, lusts for me.

What makes you feel glamorous?

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So...this afternoon I was a raving bitch. I was mean as hell. I am stressed out and tired and super cranky. I received a package...I was so curious. I rushed to the bedroom and opened it.

Holy shit! Wow! This thing is HARSH!!! Oh. My. Heavens.

I asked J (since I can't play with it until told to do so) if I could plug it in and turn it on...WOW. This thing could rock the Earth.

So what am I expecting from my new friend. Orgasms. The kind that happen in under sixty seconds, and then again in another minute, and again, and again, and again...and so on and so forth. I expect to not be let down. I want to rocket myself, just out of sure curiosity, into ecstasy. I have been dying to know what all the talk was about. I need to know what everyone is feeling.

Go to Eden today to get yours:

Hitachi

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Benny Fell Out!


I am feeling a little off today. Mostly in large part because I am so fucking tired all the time. Running and going and moving and never ending bullshit of everyday life. God I miss J more than anyone human girl should ever miss her man. I have a longing just to crawl into his arms and stay there for a week. I feel helpless and lost right now, at least I know he does what he can to alleviate that pain for me.

A few interesting things from yesterday:

I made a trip to Joann's, hoping that I could get out of there in under $20. Yeah right, I am not entirely sure that has ever happened to me before, why the hell would it happen then? I rounded up some chain (not the one I wanted, but whatever), then some link pieces and some swarovski crystals and an amazing belly piece. Kids drove me fucking batty the whole damn time...I paid ($50 oops) a bit over budget, but still I did have to get the pliers for jewelry making, and they were 30% off :) Came home and made a cute body chain set that I love. It sets down into a necklace, and has two nipple chains (that will soon be fixed so they can connect to my rings since I am pierced), the center line runs down to a belly chain and hooks around the waist. Bright silver with AB stones and Lavender crystals.

I am already planning my next one...I want some slave chains for at home with J. I want two sets, one just like I described, but the chain will be about two sizes bigger for the slave look and rather than a necklace it will connect directly to a collar. Then I would also like to make one with wrist cuffs as well (Harem Chains), they make for quite an amazing sight and would look good on any sub or slave, especially if you like to frequent local dungeons...I know I would be well dressed for the occasion.

Then there was the Ben Wah incident...
Are you kidding me? I can hold those suckers in for a while normally, but yesterday they were slippin' and slidin' out in under a minute. I couldn't hold them in for shit! Un.Freaking.Real. No matter how hard I tried they just slid right out. I must have had some serious issues yesterday for that to happen to me. Back to the drawing board...I am going to wear them for an hour today come hell or high water they had better stay in for at least 15 minutes!!! GGGRRRR

Oh and...
Remember that amazing glass plug J bought me? Yeah. It still hasn't quite made it all the way in yet. Yipes! So I tried again yesterday...yup, I got hurt. I still hurt. Unreal. The damn thing never made it in, and I am in pain. The ass pain might well be worth it if that fucking piece of glass would just do what I ask of it. I swear they made it larger on purpose. I am determined...in the next four weeks, I swear it, that stupid thing will find it's way or it will become an overpriced paperweight.

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The Petite Couture

The Petite Couture: Enchanted
by California Exotics

I think my poor mailman thinks I am nuts, and I know he must wonder what I am getting in all these packages because I basically accosted him when my package came last week.

Yes, I have been holding out for a week, waiting for my full review to go live on Eden Fantasies.

So in short, I love it. Soft silicone toys are way cool. I love that it moves and is so very soft to the touch. The only issue I have is more of a personal annoyance with the fact that it somehow collects dust easily. Of course an easy fix to that would be just to wipe it down with a wet wipe, not problem!

Seven inches and very flexible, but not quite enough to hit the G-Spot, unfortunately. The kick ass thing? Ha! This sucker only has TWO buttons. One is strictly on/off and the other is the function button. Seven raging functions, from a very low and hard to hear hum to a vibrating massage of the higher plain vibe. Let's not forget the five other functions of varying speeds and proportions.

Silicone! Wow, it is so pliable. Let's not forget to use water based lubes though. It is a little thin, so not so great for insertion, in my opinion anyway. I did like it for clit stimulation, super fun and lots and lots of options to choose from. I know, I know, a lot of vibes have seven settings, but here's the thing, the setting levels are very different from one another. AMAZING!!!

Click Here for my full review at Eden Fantasies

The Petite Couture: Enchanted
by California Exotics


Noise Level: 2/5
Vibration Level: 4/5
Value for Price: 5/5

Overall Star Rating: 4/5

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