Random Curiosities

The talking vulva...

2010-12-15T00:04:00.005-06:00

So, yeah...have you seen the giant talking vulva from Babeland yet? I am SO. SERIOUS. Really, a giant talking vulva. I would like...I don't know...die? if my vulva talked to me and gave me advice.

Ok, so this one is a lot less threatening, and she doesn't bleed at random on my new clothes (TMI?? Get over it). You can ask her questions and she will answer them for you. You know, like why is the sky blue? Are there really aliens? Why the hell is Rudolph's nose red? Or, well you could ask about sex, toys, sex toys, lubricants, crazy kinky stuff (or rather stuff you think is kinky, but I find cute).

So, what are your questions for the Vulva? You know, since she's here and all...you may as well get a Q&A session. If she doesn't answer I will answer the questions on my blog for you...k? Yeah, I thought you might like that.

So I will open up the floor with my question to the Vulva...
What should I get my best friend for Christmas? She's married and wants to spice her love life up, but she needs to do it discreetly so no one sees what they are doing. She says she wants some toys to use with her man, but doesn't want an obvious vibrator. What is the best gift for her?

While the Vulva is thinking about my answer you need to head on over to Babeland and check out their easy to use Holiday Gift Guide!

I may alter it...in the name of all things pretty

2010-12-02T14:49:00.003-06:00

The Beginner Ball Gag (made by Tantus) is so sweet. Really. It's all girly and cute, like a pacifier almost. So basically it pops right into the mouth (the bulbous part should fit completely), and the more narrow part of the gag will be what the wearer's lips will wrap around. This is awesome because, for me anyway, ball gags can give awful cramping in the jaws that can stay for quite a while after use.

My lips and jaw were able to close comfortably around the more narrow part of the gag, but because the base covered my mouth noise was muffled (duh...because that's the whole point). Well, because of the shape and length of the actual gag part I am totally unable to push this gag out of my mouth. J loves that because I can always push gags out with no problem...in fact, I usually do because my jaw is in such pain (BAD sub).

The gag is solid silicone, which is nice because it can be boiled and disinfected, unlike rubber gags. The straps are leather and are fully detachable (again, great for cleaning). They are held on the gag by two metal snaps...just loop through the holes and they snap around them. The main hold is a velcro piece that can be extended to about (without coming apart easily) 8 inches in diameter, and can go as small as about 5 inches in diameter (this isn't a science, so these are approximate, people). The velcro also lends to the ease of removing the gag quickly if needed...remember, you really shouldn't leave someone gagged alone, things can go very wrong.

The straps can stretch over time (as you wear them), so be aware of that. But, because of the design the wearer can simply hold the gag in easily if they slip down some.

The leather can be cleaned by just wiping it down quickly, so don't worry too much about that. The gag can (in addition to being boiled) be thrown in the dishwasher or cleaned with a mild soap and water. Storage is as simple as tossing it into a drawer, or in my case the bag with our cuffs and such.

Overall...I love this gag. I will even be getting a second one to alter. You know the video Christina Aguilera caught so much shit for? The one with the gag {I added a photo so you could see it}? Yeah...I want to do that to one of these. I think it's hot, and I want it! So...there you have it!

$32.99Beginner ball gag

Mouth gag by Tantus

Material: Silicone / Leather

Safety:

Buy from EdenFantasys

Hard boiled eggs anyone?

2010-11-30T14:57:00.010-06:00

When I opened my inbox to see a Couture Collection Bliss assigned to me only 3 minutes after stating I would willingly be Eden Fantasys' review bitch I was shocked. I mean shocked. This is a hot item people, seriously. I own a few items from the Couture Collection, and I love them...so this is a great addition to my collection.

The Bliss is an egg shaped vibe that is rechargeable. Oh, and it is remote controlled as well. So, do you see why these are flying off the shelves? I have the Amante as well, but this is so much nicer because I don't need three random sized batteries. I do need one odd sized battery (12V) for the remote, but that is no big deal really...you can buy them at Walmart or CVS or something like that. Just pick up a few...they should last you a while.

The Bliss is plastic, and therefore can be used with any type of lubricant, but it needs to be covered when sharing because you just never know. The cord is nylon (not a fan of that at all...I wish it was a solid silicone toy, but vibrations don't travel as well). Oh, and just because there is a retrieval cord does not make this safe for anal play!!! Just a quick warning. If it gets lost in your ass I will laugh...loudly. Then I will tweet it and post it to Facebook. You have been warned.

The egg (really...it looks like an egg) is 2.5 inches long and 1.5 inches thick. That may not seem big to you, but GOOD GODS IN HEAVEN ABOVE, that is massive if you ask me. My largest vaginal ball is 1 inch thick and it is too big to be comfortable in me...so wearing this out to dinner is a no go for me...aww. But, I can wear it around the house and such and give J the controller (that was such a bad idea). I would be in the kitchen and he would be across the apartment and he'd set it off. Nice, but it was a ton of fun to play with (note: apartment...about 20 foot distance). Ooh...and about the size...if you don't have strong muscles and are worried about it falling out, I wouldn't. It is large enough to stay in with little to no effort at all.

One true enjoyment for me was having it in and on while I was using a clitoral vibrator. This gave me vaginal stimulation while giving me something to orgasm around. It added more sensation to my solo time.

Ok...the run down:

The whole kit comes with:

The egg
A charging dock (shaped like a heart)
The remote
A battery for the remote
The plug for the charging dock

To use, just plug the dock in and place the egg in the dock. Once the little light on the egg is green, you're good to go.

How it works:

The remote is stupid proof. Really. There is a dedicated on/off switch and the other one just changes the settings. The egg has a small button that you hold for about 4 seconds (it will turn green) to turn it on, and another 4 to turn it off (it will go red). The settings just cycle through, and to turn it off just use the power button. There are 7 settings in all:

Low
Medium
High
Escalating from low to high repeatedly
Pulsing
Fast pulsations
3 short pulses and a longer buzz

Batteries:

Ok, I am annoyed that we need a special battery for the remote...but whatever. The egg, however actually holds a decent charge. We used it for about 2.5 to 3 hours and it was still good to go (not all at once though). The initial charging took about 2 hours(ish), it was green after that so I have to assume it was fully charged. The instruction book gave no indication of how long to charge it the first go. I was mildly tweeked that the instruction book wasn't more thorough, but it really isn't a huge deal.

In actual use:

Well, I did like it...the thing is...
I found the vibrations to be kind of loud. J says they aren't as loud as I think, but to me they sound really loud, and I worry others will hear them. He said as long as there is some background noise they can't be heard, so I guess all is good there. Maybe I am just paranoid that people will wonder why I am buzzing from my vagina...I dunno. I am quirky like that. The vibrations are strong, but I have felt stronger ones (this may be due to the rechargeable feature). I don't mind it being the level it is because, any stronger would mean louder...that, dear readers, ~~could~~ would be bad.

Cleaning and care:

The Bliss is waterproof. No shit, right? Because if it wasn't I would really think twice before inserting it all the way. Since it's waterproof you can just run it under some warm water with a good toy cleaner and be done. Remember to get the cord clean as well, though. You can also wipe it down with alcohol to disinfect it if you want to. Just go the extra distance, you know?

Overall, I am pleased to own this vibrator, and I will continue to love the Couture Collection pieces. Cal Exotics has outdone themselves...well done!

Travel Teaser

2010-11-30T13:49:00.005-06:00

Cal Exotics Travel Teaser from Eden Fantasys

Travel teaser Pocket rocket by California Exotic Material: Plastic Safety: $0.00 Buy from EdenFantasys
Rating:	Vroom:	Bee:

The spikey little nodules that hurt me.

2010 Holiday Wishlist

2010-11-23T22:32:00.006-06:00

Meme instructions from Essin’ Em:

Step One
- Make a post to your blog, tumblr, facebook, myspace, what have you. The important thing is to make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want and that people can see the post.
- If you wish for real possible things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it’s your address or just an email address at which you can be contacted by potential wish-grantors, real or imaginary.
- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your post, so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two
- Surf around your friends list/blogroll/RSS feeds (or friends friends, or just random places ) to see who has posted their list.
- If you see a wish you can grant, and it’s in your heart to do so, make someone’s wish come true. Sometimes someone’s trash is another’s treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don’t want or a gift certificate you won’t use–or even know where you could get someone’s dream purebred Basset Hound for free–do it.

You needn’t spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn’t to put people out, it’s to provide everyone a chance to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not–it’s your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just…wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you’ll have the joy of knowing you made someone’s holiday special.

Ok, so I will join in and make my list available for others to see. I am willing to pay shipping on items that need shipping...it's a give and take, ya' know? Also, I am willing to trade. If you have a toy swap account, take a gander at mine and see if there is anything you are willing to trade out for.

Wishlist:

1. Domain hosting for one year and possibly even blog design (I actually really like the one I have now though).

2. A custom corset.

3. POPPY TARTAN APPLIQUE GLAM by Coach

4. To have my hair dyed the way I want by a professional

5. My tattoos, I want two of them

6. $200 for Stampin' Up! supplies

7. ~~This waist cincher (red or black) in a medium~~ {got it in red}

8. As always anything off my wishlists.

9. Anyone who happens to know a set of amazing Drs who can keep me from ending up in the hospital again...let me know or send 'em my way.

Check out some other lists too:

The one and only Mistress Kay

Dangerous Lilly
Essin’ Em
Lucid Obsession
The Blogging Slave
Dusk in Chains
True Pleasures
Screaming Violet
Julietta

CONTEST: Win a pack of Penis Bandz

2010-11-21T23:29:00.004-06:00

Alright, I am having a small contest and someone will win a pack of Penis Bandz.

Penis Bandz are 100% silicone bands (just like those silly bands your kids are all into right now) that are shaped like a penis. They are just awesome. I was sure they'd be all weird and awkward, but nope, they aren't. They can be worn on your wrist or in your hair or on your keys, where the hell ever you want to have them.

What could I possibly use these for? Simple! I have lots of engaged friends...this would be a fun gift for a bachelorette party or a fun prize at a lingerie party. I love these parties, so this item is right up my alley for that.

You can head on over to www.PenisBandz.com and check out the bands themselves. If you want to win a free set of Penis Bandz, just follow the directions:

You can win your own set of 12 bandz from me. The giveaway begins today, and ends December 3, 2010 at 10pm PST.

Ways to enter:

1. Leave me a comment here!!! (required for entry...once)
2. Follow me on Twitter (once)
3. Tweet about my contest (one entry per day...don't forget to put @JsCuriousAlley in there as well as #PenisBandzJCA in the tweet or it won't count...please comment with the link each time you tweet).
4. Write your own blog post and link it to mine (once)
5. Follow Penis Bandz on Twitter (once)
6. Follow my blog (once)

READY....SET....GO!!!!

Laya Laya LayaSpot me...I wanna be dirty

2010-11-11T22:00:00.008-06:00

The Laya Spot by Fun Factory has some power behind it's name. Is it as amazing as everyone claims it is? Well...

First off, let me begin with the fact that I owned a Better than Chocolate before I owned the Laya Spot. So, how do they compare? Easy. I much prefer Laya Spot. The Laya Spot is small enough to fit in the palm of your hand (and I am small) comfortably, and the control buttons are simple to use. There is no accidentally touching it and sending the toy into another mode or off or anything nuts like the BTC.

The Laya Spot is intended for clitoral stimulation rather than vaginal stimulation. It is made of Elastomed which can be cleaned with warm water and toy cleaner and is safe to use with water or silicone lubricants (yay!). Since this is meant as a clit toy, lube isn't 100% needed, but if you like it, you're safe. Now, the motor was a bit rumbly, but it was quiet too. For the quietness of the vibrations the power of them was awfully strong (and I am very sure that was terrible English). There are several different levels of vibrations and patterns to choose from, and the control panel is built into the vibrator.

Since the Laya Spot is so small (4 inches) it is very easy to use, and comfortable as well, during sex. I am able to easily access my clitoris without a giant vibrator taking up my entire hand for added stimulation. Plus it doesn't scream "I'm a sex toy!" like other vibes might, so leaving it out isn't cause for alarm when we have company.

Let's go over the controls really fast: Pressing + will turn it on and increase the power. Holding + for a few seconds will change it to a pattern vibration. Pressing + will then change the patterns. Pressing - will change the patterns back. Holding - for a few seconds will go back to a steady vibration, and just keep pressing - until it is off. That is the only issue I have...it took me a while to get used to the controls. Now? I love it.

Lube FAIL!!!

2010-11-08T09:27:00.003-06:00

Nasty. I totally wish that could be my full review, because that is what the Hot + Sexy warming lubricant is. Nasty. It's gross.

Ok, so here is the actual review...unbiased and all.

Hot + Sexy lubricant comes in a 5 pack with a 1 oz. bottle of each flavor (hot cherry, vanilla, cinnamon, watermelon, and strawberry). I really do like the packaging. It is cute and effective and houses all the lubricants together. The whole package is very pink, which can be bad or good. I see it as good (but I have no issue buying ugly bottles of lube if the lubricant is effective). This pinkness of the pack is not intimidating for those who are looking to spice up their sessions but are easily embarrassed when buying the tools to do so. Plus, if I was not really open to a warming lube, and J brought this home, I might be more inclined to try it since it looks all frilly and shit (that's just me though).

The ingredients had me a little puzzled, I must admit. If you have allergies read each bottle individually. They all have glycerin (even though it isn't listed on the package...it is on the bottles) which can cause yeast infections for some women. If you don't like glycerin, keep that in mind. Also, if you are one who avoids anything with Red Dye 40 know this, Cinnamon, Cherry, and Strawberry all have Red Dye 40 in them...some people avoid this dye like the Black Plague. And the final ingredient that made me say "what the fuck?!?!" Caramel. Yeah, like glycerin wasn't enough...let's add caramel! Really? There wasn't a better ingredient? Caramel is in the Cherry flavor, so yeah...wow.

The Hot + Sexy lube is supposed to be a warming lubricant that gently warms up when blown on. Well, it does warm up...for a second. Certainly not long enough to be useful or pleasurable. The momentary warming was nice, but four seconds of warm does NOT make this a warming lubricant. Which brings me to my next point. Lube. Umm...no.

The lube is thin at best. More like a slightly thick water that has no staying power and needs to be reapplied. If this Hot + Sexy had a decent taste I might be apt to say thin is ok, as is reapplication. However, J said the taste was awful and to "toss that shit, it's fucking useless." Classy J, really.

Now, because J refused to use these lubes a second time...or finish up with me until I washed it all off, I had to taste test these all on my own. Ok...ding ding ding!!! I found the heat! It heated on my tongue, except...that isn't how they are supposed to work. Well, damn. As far as flavor...gross. Cinnamon, watermelon, and cherry are nasty. Watermelon is just fucking disgusting. They are bitter, warm, and have a gross aftertaste. Actually, they all have a pretty bitter aftertaste. Vanilla wasn't totally disgusting, but the aftertaste was enough to never make me use it again. Strawberry tastes like strawberry medicine...so, I guess if you like cough syrup...you're good with this one.

And then comes the water...really. Saliva makes a better lubricant than the Hot + Sexy lube. It has zero staying power. None. At. All. Hot + Sexy is runny at best and makes a huge sticky mess when used, then you have to clean up, but now you have lube everywhere, so you have to do laundry. So now sex, oral or any other kind has just become a giant cleanup process.

Overall, really? Just use saliva and incorporate fruit or something. Save the effort and money and get a better lubricant that isn't just a giant novelty joke. One that does what it claims to do.

A few hot alternative selections:
Warming and flavored: Wet Lotion
Warming, flavored multipack: Razzles
Warming and Glycerin free: System Jo
*Please not I have not tried these personally, but they get decent ratings from (well...Wet and Jo anyway) reviewers I trust.*

Thanks to Eden Fantasys for sending me this product to review.

$0.00Hot + Sexy warming lubricant Lubricant by Doc Johnson Buy from EdenFantasys
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.

Kama Sutra...winner like always

2010-11-02T17:38:00.004-05:00

Kama Sutra...when I hear this I think of powders and oils and other sensual items. Umm. I guess not everyone hears that though, which is sad if you ask me (and since this is my blog...you DID). My bestie says she thinks of crazy sexual positions that men try to have their wives do, nearly always resulting in a trip to the E.R. Umm...no, not me. I think of a bohemian style packaging with wonderful scents inside it. And a feather duster for the dusts. Yum.

Ok, so I'll go right ahead and begin with the packaging. The dust bag comes packaged in a tin with the Kama Sutra boho wrapping around it. Once you get the lid off you will find a black bag with a plastic bag in it holding the Honey Dust. And a feather tickler for dust application. The dust is really fine, and it will pouf everywhere if you aren't careful...like baking cocoa style. Everywhere. I mean it.

You aren't going to want to put the powder into the pouch without the plastic baggy because of the fine nature of the powder. It will go through, it will make a huge mess, the whole nine. I actually keep mine in the tin without the bags at all. This works for me because of the ease of just being able to dip the feathers in and get to the powder.

Ok, now in actual use? Kama Sutra for the win! This Honey Dust is AMAZING!!! Seriously. It is so versatile it is disgusting. You can powder yourself before sex, after the shower (be sure you're dry first please), before a date, or just to go to the store. Really, this is a great item to make you feel sensual. And the duster is excellent for some sensual teasing in the bedroom :)

I wear mine daily, I have two flavors, Honey and Raspberry. It gets humid during summer so I put some on before I go anywhere in order to keep a bit more dry. The powder keeps you dry, as would any body powder with cornstarch (the main ingredient...along with glucose and flavoring). Just like diaper powder keeps a baby's bottom dry, this does the same for us adults (and it smells wonderful at the same time). I use it on my cleavage and my inner legs to keep dry and comfortable...and being kissable is a great side affect.

I also put the powder on after every shower (once I am totally dry). This gives me a slight scent and a very light taste...that way, when J kisses my neck, he isn't tasting perfume. Now, this does need care when used around the vaginal area because of the sugar in it (I sure am not a fan of yeast infections).

Honey Dust wears well during the day without the nasty clumping and gathering one would expect. It seems to just rest on the top of the skin and give a satiny feel to the skin. It comes off very easily in the shower and vacuums up if {try again...when} you spill it.

I have been using this product for years, and will continue to use it. I love it, and highly recommend it!!!

$25.99Honey dust

Powder by KamaSutra

Buy from EdenFantasys

Cinch me, pinch me

2010-10-22T09:57:00.006-05:00

It's no secret that I love my lingerie and that I am deeply obsessed with corsets. So, I decided I needed to get myself a new waist cinch. The problem there is that most cinches are plastic boning, which makes for a suck-ass pinched waist. Then I saw the Princess Satin Cinch over at Eden Fantasys.

Read my full review.

Pink Water Based Lube

2010-09-02T17:05:00.001-05:00

So I had a chance to test the ever so popular PINK lube (water based of course) and I can honestly say I liked it. Not "I loved it," not "it was amazing," but just liked. Why? Well, it was lube. Sure, the bottle is all girly and nice, and there is no glycerin, but that is about it. Aside from those attributes it is like any other lube I own.

I was sure this would be revolutionary, but it wasn't and I was not amazed at all. There are still parabens in the lube, and it is made with Aspartame. Gross. It simply didn't last as long as some other water based lubricants that I already had on hand.

What is good about this particular lube is the bottle; it is discreet. You can leave it on the nightstand and no one will really question what it is because it doesn't look like WET or KY. There is no crazy smell, and it is totally awful tasting (in case you feel the urge to give some oral after use). There is a distinct bitter taste to the lubricant.

Pink Water comes in a small bottle that looks like it might be a lotion or a soap bottle, complete with a pump dispenser (which J totally broke off 0= ) and a small travel cap that snaps back in place after use. The dispenser drops about a small pea size ball of lubricant on to you.

I wasn't pleased with the consistency of the Pink Water, that is my opinion though. It is very thin and runny, and I do prefer a thicker lubricant. I have found that thickness equals versatility in a lubricant. I like all of my lubes to be good for anal play if needed in a pinch.

Overall, the Pink Water Lubricant is simply so-so. It is good if you like a runny lube that is discreet, but I really prefer functionality over aesthetics. You can get yours (and other sex toys) at Fascinations.

BabeLicious Lubricant

2010-08-10T22:43:00.001-05:00

Babeland sent me a bottle of their BabeLicious lubricant in Chocolate Orange flavor. The BabeLicious line reminds me of a high end line of products. Not in looks or packaging, but rather in the actual product itself. I was very impressed.

BabeLicious is a water based, glycerin, and paraben free flavored lubricant that is safe to use with all toys and during sex. I have to say though, I loved using this for oral. The flavor was so amazing and it added just a little bit of fun. And since it isn't super ridiculous thin like most flavored lubes I have tried (they are usually like colored water), it actually worked like a real lubricant. I won't go as far as to say that it is like a woman's natural lubricant, because it isn't, but it wasn't all gross like most of them are.

We were able to use the lube with a condom, and it never gave up on me. I will say that if the lubricant dries it will get tacky and you will need to add a little water to it to reactivate it. The lubricant avoids stickiness (and the whole yeast infection causing nastiness) by being glycerin free. BabeLicious is not overly sweet; the taste is light...more like a scent than an actual taste to it. It worked really well orally for me. Now, the scent does linger after washing...which is weird, but whatever. As long as it tastes as good as it does, I don't really care about the scent lingering, plus it kept my girly bits smelling delightful.

It comes in a 2 oz flip top tube (kind of like a short thick toothpaste tube) that is simple and discreet. You can leave it on your bedside table and it will look like a hand lotion from afar, so don't panic that people will know what is by your bed.

Thanks to Babeland for sending me this product in exchange for a review.

i-Vibe and Toyfluid

2010-06-14T23:41:00.003-05:00

I have never owned, or even used a pocket rocket before, so this was a welcomed first for me. I kept reading about how they are the basic and must have in a toy box, so when I was offered one by Vibrator.com I jumped at it. I loved the idea, plus I can offer up the perspective that someone who has never used a pocket rocket before might find helpful. I received the i-Vibe to test out. It is smallish and cute, mine is blue. I love the translucent look of the toy itself. It even comes with a textured (a group of rigid little nodules that aren't as painful as they look) cap that can be removed to reveal the basic three metal nobs on top of the toy.

It takes a single AA battery, so there isn't a ton of power, but since it is for clitoral stimulation and not insertion that shouldn't be too much of an issue. The battery insertion is basic, just twist the base to the left and drop the battery in plus side down. Done. Then, there are two settings, on and off. Simple as can be. I can see why the pocket rocket is such a hot item. The simple design, the relatively powerful (yet very buzzy) vibrations and the quiet noise level all make for an excellent first toy.

Now, I wish I could say I loved this toy to pieces, but I didn't. Honestly the flaw isn't in the vibrator itself. The basic use is just to simple and the vibrations just aren't deep enough for me. For anyone else considering this toy? Here are some great things about it:

*The vibrations are centered at the top where the toy connects with the clitoris
*Non-porous and easily cleaned (toy cleaner wipes are easiest)
*Can be used with any lubricant
*VIbrations are relatively strong
*Easy on/off dial base

See? While I may not have loved it, I can see why so many people do. Even J noted that it could be a great first time toy for a lover...you know, like a gift. Plus, it's pretty.

Toyfluid...(recommended)

What lubricant did I use with my i-vibe? Toyfluid by Fun Factory. I love Fun Factory. They have high standards like me. Toyfluid is a water based lubricant that is paraben free (it does contain glycerin, so if you don't react well to glycerin be aware of that). It comes in a sleek (I am guessing) aluminum container that dispenses using a pump rather than the traditional tip up top that tends to leak everywhere. One pump will add enough lube for most people, and it meshes well with your own natural fluids. It did leave some residue, but not enough to concern me.

Because Toyfluid is water based it washes off easily with a quick rinse. It is also compatible with all toy types, especially considering that it is made specifically for use with sex toys. It is rather thin, so I was not a fan of this particular lubricant for use anally, but otherwise it is quickly becoming a favorite of mine and J's. This may be one to keep around, especially if you, like me, enjoy silicone toys.

Desire Vibrator

2010-06-14T23:27:00.002-05:00

Babeland sent me the Desire Vibe to review. So, I was all like "aww...it's so pretty." Yeah, that was until I saw the damn thing. It's huge! Like oh. my. gosh. huge. So this suck is like ten feet long...ok, maybe not, but it is about the size of my palm twice over. To put into perspective how large and powerful this vibe is, let's begin with the fact that it uses TWO C batteries. Yeah, two C. Umm...that is like a car motor (again, not really, but is it powerful). It is also about 1.5 inches thick, so if you prefer the smaller vibes...keep looking.

It is a basic vibrator. The only thing that truly makes this different in the world of vibrators is the fact that it is larger, and more powerful than most other vibrators. Now, it isn't exactly Hitachi strong, but it is still very very string considering it is battery powered and not electric. Plus, it can be used internally. I know other electric vibes have the attachments and all, but this offers the full strength of the vibrator and offers it internally.

The Desire is sleek, long and pretty. It is a metallic colored plastic, which makes cleaning easy. I don't bleach because of the metallic coloring, but it can be wiped with alcohol to sanitize, plus there is always the basic toy cleaner and water (which I like). It is much lighter than I anticipated, which was great because I don't want to end playing because I have tennis elbow or something crazy like that...that would seriously suck. The dial base that allows fluid escalation in power is another winning feature for me. I don't care much for the buzz pause BUZZ...ugh.

Overall...yeah, it wasn't what I expected at all. It was huge and I thought it would be small, and it performed well when I was sure it would suck.

Takin' out the trash

2010-05-21T07:42:00.003-05:00

Hey, there are like a hundred networking sites out there now, so I chose a few and I am on them now, so come follow me or join me :)

Twitter

Facebook

Tumblr

Yahoo id: JsCuriousAlley

So you have those, now you can follow and see what I am up to each and every second of the day. Ridiculous, I know. But, I can tell you that you might get a few funny links from Tumblr or from Twitter...or at least on Twitter you can see a billion other reviewers online.

As well, you may notice my blog changing over the next few days. No biggie, no major overhaul. Just a light spring clean and takin' out the garbage. It will be better than it was in the beginning when I finish getting rid of certain things.

Morality

2010-05-20T00:22:00.002-05:00

If you have none, no morals, no ethics...

Please go the hell away...

Don't tell me I can't take to my blog to rant...

Don't tell me you care about my feelings...

Don't bullshit the people who got you where you are...

This all makes you a GIANT ASSHOLE.

That is all.

Here's a toy I can sink my teeth into

2010-05-17T22:36:00.009-05:00

Twi-hards everywhere are ecstatic. So thanks to Tantus (and the amazing Carrie Ann, who sent this to me for Christmas) you can now have Edward any time you would like. Seriously. The Vamp. A solid silicone dildo measuring about 6.25 inchs (insertable) long and 1.5 inches thick, the Vamp is just what you would expect from Edward. It is a very pale skin tone with light sparkles that shine in the light, just like the real vampires (you know, if there were any...and if there were, I wouldn't need a dildo...I would just fuck one of them).

At first glance I thought the Vamp was massive. I generally don't get anything over 1.25 inches thick, but I made the sacrifice just so I could tell people I had one. The Vamp holds warmth as well as cool. You can warm it up in a bowl of warm water (please don't use the microwave, you could get hurt...in a bad way), or you can choose to cool it in ice water for that "I am fucking a vampire" feeling.

The head of the toy is very pronounced and offers a lot of sensation upon insertion, but I have to say that the veining and whatnot, yeah, you can't feel it at all unless you are like uber~sensitive. The base is wide enough for safe anal play (and the material can be sanitized) or to be used in a harness for some strap~on play. The silicone is pliable, but is not so flexible that inserting the toy becomes a pain in the ass (literally for some people). The silicone is also slick enough that playing vaginally with no lubricant can actually be done, but remember to use lube while playing anally.

Because of the shape of the head of the Vamp and the slickness of the silicone I don't have too much drag while using it, and it (miraculously doesn't do the infamous "pop" in and out of my body. It actually flows very nicely. I do find myself cleaning off lint all the time, but this is no different from any other silicone toy I happen to own, so no biggie really...I just keep a package of Afterglow wipes by the bed to clean it off with from time to time.

Who might like the Vamp?
Twi~hards world wide. And anyone else who might like a pretty and well made dildo. The size seems large compared to a one inch toy, so don't be shocked when you see it. The size isn't all that huge of a deal, it is still small enough for anyone to use really. Anyone who likes anal play, dildos (in general) and strap~on play might enjoy the Vamp more than they realize. The only thing I would recommend is to know ahead of time what size dildo you like. The Vamp doesn't get wider as it goes in, but rather, it begins that way. It is a phallic shape, and stays true to the size through the entire shaft.

Proper Care & Maintenance
I store my Vamp in a drawstring bag beside my bed {see photo}. I also clean it before and after every use. You can clean your Vamp with warm soap and water, a toy cleaner, boil it, bleach it, or put it on the top rack of your dishwasher. It is fairly easy to maintain. The slickness of the silicone makes all the dust rinse right off. The one restriction to this is lubricant. Water based lubes will not interact with the silicone, but everything else will. I patch tested mine on the bottom and it did not react well with a silicone lubricant, so be careful.

Play safe and have fun :)

$39.99Vamp

Dildo by Tantus

Material: Silicone

Safety:

Buy from EdenFantasys

Moonlight Serenade Kit

2010-05-17T16:35:00.002-05:00

Butt plugs, cock rings? What? Lube? Well, ok, most people use lube...but still. I had the chance to review the Moonlight Serenade Kit, and although the name is stupid...well IT IS, I was very pleased with the kit. Let's begin with the fact that it comes with the Bootie Butt Plug by Fun Factory, a Screaming O Vibrating Ring, and a packet of Please Gel Lube (which is, of course water based). To top all that off the whole kit is only $33. The Bootie alone is normally $34...yeah.

So I will begin with the Please Gel Lube, because we all know I have random bottles of lube stashed throughout the house and just have to have like ten bottles on hand at all times...because God forbid I run out of lube. Ok, so...for anyone, and I mean anyone who likes, or even doesn't like lubricant, this is a must have. I know, all you girls are all like "oh my gawd, no, I am always wet and slick!" Liar. I love sex, but my vagina doesn't always agree with me, so I use personal lubricants. The Please Gel Lubricant is a water based and massively thick lube that guarantees vaginal dryness is not going to get in your way of a good time. Seriously, I have tried it, and I know this to be a fact. Since it is water based it can be used with any and all toys, and washes away in water easily. The only downside to that is that shower sex can be difficult. The thickness of the gel allows you to put the lube on and not get a nasty mess and drip all over the damn place. It stays in place and is amazing for anal use. Since it is thick and stays put you don't have to use a half a bottle trying to ensure there is enough lubricant on the toy or whatthehellever your are sticking in your ass (whatever it is, it had better be anal safe if you are an avid reader of my blog). It is also glycerin and paraben free for those who have more sensitivities. I do still prefer silicone lube for anal play when my toys are compatible with it though...just sayin'.

The Screaming O Vibrating ring is your basic cock ring, it fits around the cock and balls and it vibrates (or, basic rings don't vibrate, you caught me). Let me begin with I really don't care for companies that say they are silicone when it is only partially so. The ring is made of "SEBS Silicone," no, wait...coated in. SEBS is nothing more that TPR Silicone blend. Google it. Not that it really matters as this is meant to be a disposable toy, but hey, I like information. The ring is really stretchy, honestly I was sure it would snap (it didn't). The bullet can actually be removed and replaced, but the ring isn't likely to last you very long after the one 30 minute use you get out of it. There is and on/off switch, so if you have a quickie, you can still use it again. The bullet can be aimed up so that the female (in my case anyway) gets clitoral stimulation while the male gets the prolonged erection and light vibrations. Honestly this only works well for me in a few positions where I am extremely close to J. You can also flip the ring and the vibrations can be solely for the wearer. This offers more intense orgasms for your partner as well as the prolonged erection. Do be careful with these and keep scissors around in case you notice any popped blood vessels...they can happen with these stretchy type rings from time to time.

The Bootie, the entire reason this set is so. fucking. amazing. The Bootie us a small ('round abouts three inches long and an inch thick at the widest spot) butt plug made by Fun Factory. It is solid silicone (no silicone based lube) and is very bendable and extremely comfortable. The base, rather than a large round one, is a long line that is made to nestle comfortable between the cheeks. This is a great plug for a beginner or anyone who wants to have prolonged wear time. It is curved (most likely for prostate massage, but I think it may be too small for that) and the neck is thin enough for even the most inexperienced users.

The Moonlight Serenade Kit is perfect for anyone who is looking to try a few toys out on a low budget. You get two toys and a great lube to use. If you are looking to venture into new areas of sexuality this is a great way to start without breaking the bank. Get the Moonlight Serenade Kit and other sex toys at Good Vibrations.

*This product was provided free of charge in exchange for an honest review*

Pet my....seal? Ok!

2010-05-14T08:01:00.004-05:00

Babeland sent me the Perfect Pet vibrator to review for them, and at first I was all "aww, it's so cute," then I was all "damn this baby has some power," finally I was all "did a seal just go down on me." Yes, yes he did. And know what? I am totally cool with that.

The Perfect Pet vibrator is an animal shaped vibe (so if you like cutesy vibes, he ya' go) that packs some serious punch. He is only 6 inches tall and is 1.5 inches thick, the stout stature made me sure he was like 3 inches wide, but no, just half that. He has the face of a seal, complete with whiskers and an adorable nose that is amazing for clitoral stimulation. The shaft has very pronounced ridges, but only about three inches of the toy can be inserted, so I am not too sure these would be the best source of pleasure. The base has a gem on it that, honestly, looks just a little out of place to me, but whatever.

The Perfect Pet uses three AAA batteries (which are INCLUDED...holy shit, I know) that slide into a battery pack that is placed...prongs down...into the vibrator. The base just twists a little to lock. Perfect Pet has some real power for such a small toy. It offers up deep rumbly vibrations that I can't really describe. There are four functions, one of which is a steady vibration...the others are pulsing and patterns. I didn't think this was so perfect for penetration, but I am pretty sure this qualifies as a mini vibrator in some way and is more meant as a clitoral stimulator that can be inserted if you want to. Pretty sure. Not totally though, so don't quote me or anything. Either way, I really, really like the Perfect Pet. The strength of the vibrations along with size and cuteness is the whole package, if you ask me...and, well they did. So there.

Not only is it amazing in use, but the controls are easy as well. A single button on the toy controls the vibration patterns and turns the toy on/off. Plus it is silicone and can be bleached or washed in toy cleaner, and it's cute (I know, I know).

The Perfect Pet is a wonderful vibrator, even if it is a first time vibrator. If you don't own a toy and want something not so...umm...well you know, penis shaped, this is great. Honestly. I really enjoyed it. Keep in mind that it is powerful, so it can be a bit noisy, but just throw a blanket on and shut the door and you should be fine. It may also be a little bit strong for those who prefer lighter vibrations (clearly I don't fall into that category). You can get one here for $35.

Thank you to Babeland for sending me the Perfect Pet in exchange for an honest review.

Holy blog blow up Batman

2010-05-13T22:42:00.004-05:00

Oh geeze. Ok, the only reason I am posting this is because I posted in the forums, but I am not giving those children the time of day at this point. For anyone wondering what the fuck I am talking about...well you can get the idea without me linking you to the post to add to the drama department.

So where do I stand? Let me begin with the fact that the company that is causing the drama is one of my favorite companies, and I am really flustered at the maturity levels of certain people there (well, lack there of anywho). So, basically the banning of a member took place. Hey, whatever, it's your website, your company, and your forums. Who the hell am I to tell you not to ban someone. My issue lies, not in the fact that Epiphora (yes, I am totally plugging her and sending my traffic her way...get the fuck over it) was not given a valid reason for being banned, but rather the pointless act of announcing it in its own thread. WTF?

Seriously people. That is lame, immature, low class, and mean. There was NO need to announce it to the community as a whole. That was a fucking low blow, and people can say 'til they are blue in the face that it was to be transparent, I call bullshit there. Here is my analogy:

I have a 7 year old. When she and her friends decided one girl was mean and they didn't want to play with her it was all good. Until...wait for it...they told her in front of the other kids in class. WTF? So I grounded said child. Why? Because that is a tasteless move that lowers you to a low class person. It makes you mean. She publicly humiliated (well, she partook in it) this little girl for no real reason. I see this mess the same way. Epiphora was publicly humiliated with no need. This was a bad move. Sorry, but it is pathetic to call yourself a mature adult and behave the way these administrators did.

I take no issue with the company personally, but c'mon people, please try to be nice to one another. Like I said, I have no issue with the banning. That is...well, whatever. I do have a problem with publicly announcing it for no. fucking. reason. All it did was piss people off. So a self proclaimed "positive community" finds it remotely acceptable to humiliate someone? No. Sorry, that won't do it for me. The banning will be whatever in a few days. Epiphora will go on. The thread will remain, however, to remind us all what a low class community we are. Nice.

As of yet, the admins haven't explained anything, and they can't justify their rude post announcing it. I do believe they owe the community in general an apology for their behavior. This is horrible behavior from a professional company that should really know better. I am really offended that they feel the need to announce that they banned someone. You can say it wasn't meant to be humiliating, but it was nonetheless humiliating. And, I am sorry, but I really believe it was meant to do just that.

A lot if folks think the thread was a stupid thread to start in the forums. But, hey if you think it is positive to show people that you are chill with pissing everyone, that is a personal problem. And ya' know what? Karma's a bitch.

The admins need to apologize like we would have our kids do if they fucked up. Man up peeps.

Will I continue to work with them? Yes. They have not wronged me, I just think certain things they have done were childish and pathetic. I have no direct qualms with them, and so I will continue my relationship with said company...I just may not refer anyone else to the forums because this was embarrassing.

Dear Mr Postman

2010-05-13T11:08:00.003-05:00

Dear Mr. Postman,

Please for the love of Pete, when you drop a package at the door shake it off. When I got to the door and brought my cinch in there were like 100 mites on it. Please remember that the local wildlife that was flooded out of the creek has managed to make its way to my place (and I am just to fucking nice to kill them all). I had to go back outside, shake off said package, open it and dispose of the box, then bring the cinch in. I was not thrilled at the prospect of opening a box that could have easily housed sex toys in front of my older Southern Baptist neighbors who have a tendency to watch out their windows.

Thank you,

Update from hell peoples :)

2010-05-12T08:42:00.006-05:00

What have I been doing lately? Well besides watching the 1000 year flood waters recede back into the nasty ass Cumberland River where they belong, I have been packing and whatnot to move.

My Mother's Day was spent handing out cupcakes down the road from my house to other moms whose homes were under water when Nashville flooded. Oh yeah, in case you have been living under a rock, we found Atlantis...it is really called Bellevue and it was totally submerged. Much like I nearly was because my retarded ass needed to try to go to church. Yeah, that worked out well. I was flooded out of my subdivision, and evacuated to "higher ground." Bullshit. My so called "higher ground" flooded in front of my eyes and I made a mad dash through 3 feet or so if water to another city to wait out the rain. Hey, did I mention my kids were at home with J's mom while the fucking city flooded and I wasn't sure I would ever see them again. Yeah, that was great.

My birthday is in a few weeks as well...ugh. J is in San Diego working, and I am here, and I miss him horribly. I just don't know what to make of it all at this point. We were lucky this month, so let's see what is in store for us in the future :) Oh and the tree photo is to show you just how high some of the water in our area rose...mind you this is a dry area any other day.

Babeland Massage Candle

2010-05-12T07:11:00.004-05:00

Oh yum. First off, J is a huge fan of a great massage, second, I like a good oil because it helps keep my hands pain free for longer. The Babeland Massage Candle is great. The outer packaging is fun and non-offending (sorry, but I am sick of skanky girls being the cover girls for the newest sexual awakening...some of us don't look like porn stars) while being cute and colorful. Because it is so basic the box can honestly house the candles until you are ready to use them and no one would think twice. It also makes for a great gift box...pop a bow on and you're ready to go.

The candle itself is in a small glass votive holder that is the hourglass shape and is absolutely gorgeous. I leave mine sitting on my night stand next to my body dusts. No one can tell by the outer candle that this is a sensual item in anyway.

When you burn the candle it isn't strong enough to scent the entire room. It is lightly scented (and comes in 4 luscious scents) and can only really be smelled when you apply the oil. The candle melts down slowly to a thin massage oil. The oil spreads very well and it cools down fast enough to be used without prolonged waiting. Your skin will remain soft and supple from the massage. You can even use the oil as a basic body oil after taking a bath (just take care to use only a very small amount). You will be left smelling fresh and feeling wonderful. If you prefer to get the oil off you can simply take a shower and wash it all off.

I couldn't find anything I didn't like about this candle. I do wish it were a bit larger, but that can be remedied by adding more candles to the collection.

Thank you to Babeland for providing me this product in exchange for an honest review.

Club hoppin vibe

2010-05-10T12:20:00.005-05:00

The Club Vibe by OhMiBod is revolutionary, ok, maybe not compared to their other products, but come on! This small bullet can keep the orgasms rolling all night. So what the hell is the Club Vibe? Well, basically it is a small pink bullet connected to a remote that can be set to manual (you turn it on and off), connected to your MP3 player, or just left on to vibrate to the beat of the music (or voices). I was in love. At first it was just a moment of, oh...another bullet, great! I was wrong. This isn't just another bullet, it is powerful and innovative.

The club vibe bullet is an average size, and it comes with a cute pair (unfortunately one size fits all) of black thong panties that can house the bullet with the cord coming out and connecting to the remote that has a small buckle (much like a pager) that can hook to your pants. The vibrator will move to the bass of the music or to voices for differing vibration levels and patterns. The bullet is made up of plastic, so it can be easily cleaned with a toy cleaner. Take care not to get the cord in water.

The vibrations are rumbly. I am not one to prefer the sharper buzzy-er vibration of other vibrators. This is a deep rumble that has more power than the higher pitched vibes. The Club Vibe is strong, strong enough to not need any assistance in giving me orgasm (usually I need a ton of pressure...hitachi style). I love this strong little vibe. It is string enough for me, it can be placed in any set of panties where the liner is opened on one end, and it can truly be worn out discreetly. Beyond that, this is a well made vibe that will last a long time, and it even comes with a carry pouch so you can put it away safely after each use.

You can get your Club Vibe at GoodVibrations.com.

Thank you to Good Vibrations for providing this product for review in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.

pardon me, monsieur...

2010-05-10T07:02:00.008-05:00

Cutesy, pink and ruffly is all I can say. The Parodon my french cami set is so flippin' cute! So the main material is a solid pink microfiber with white ruffles piped in black. The whole color scheme is very girly and very subdued. Not quite something you might choose as the hottest or sexiest item you own.

The cami runs a little short for my tastes, I prefer stuff longer, bat hey that's just me. The ruffles run along the breast line. They are about an inch thick each and there are three. In theory this should accentuate the breasts, but apparently my breasts are a jacked-the-hell-up shape because they just looked odd and floppy. Since I don't have perky DD boobs this lingerie quickly degraded from hot sex lingerie to cutesy bedtime lingerie. Oops, I forgot the bow. A satin bow adorns the top center of the top. There, now you know...it made that big of an impression.

So while the top is cute, unfortunately the list of cons just outweighs the top's cuteness. Basically, the straight across the breast cut was less than flattering and while sleeping in it I woke up several times with my breast hanging out. No. J is not in town, thank.you.very.much. The straps were fine, normally I would have not liked the placement, you know the outer areas of your breast like convertible strapless bra strap placement, but the softness of the microfiber allowed it to be comfortable. And to add insult to injury on the breast issue, if you don't have a flat abdomen, you can expect the top to continuously roll upward. So if you look at all like me (you know, a girl who isn't quite heavy, but has given birth twice and doesn't have rockin' abs) you can expect your boobs to fall out and the top to fall below them, and then the top will roll upward. Yeah, that's sexy. But I still think the top is cute and kinda like it.

Panties? Yeah, they made it a little higher on my list. They are comfortable for one. The panties are a bikini style cut with the same three inch ruffle line at the top as the cami has. In addition to soft microfiber, and a classic and comfy cut there is a gorgeous key hole cut in the back of the panties at the top with an adorable bow layered over it. I am in love with the panties, can't you tell? Oh, and they are cotton lined on the inside for breathe-ability. They are a classic and flattering design that anyone can comfortably wear.

Care and maintenance? I do all my lingerie (even though this material is strong enough to tough it out regular style) the same. In a lingerie bag. On delicate. In Woolite. Period. No variations. You can also hand wash if you prefer, I am just not that damned motivated about laundry. As for drying, lay flat and allow the pieces to dry. I usually throw mine in the dryer on cool with a dryer sheet to avoid static (because microfiber is the king of static electricity) and to fluff and make the set smell all pretty.

Overall this is a decent set. For me, the panties make the set. I wasn't overly thrilled with the top. I actually found it annoying how it could find a way to insult my body at each turn. Oh well. The panties were amazing, a key holed back to show just enough to entice anyone around you, the frilly ruffles along the top, and the forethought of being lined in cotton were all enough to make me squeal for joy. Honestly, I think anyone would look damn hot in these panties, even Jack Black. This cami set is a cute one for the right body, but for the rest of us who aren't perfect the pardon my french set would likely be best left as a sexy sleepwear outfit.

Rain...

2010-05-02T22:01:00.003-05:00

Ok, so we had a little rain today...ok a lot of rain. I left at 8:30 and couldn't get back until almost 1pm. We were totally flooded out! Anywho...

So J and I are getting rid of toys we have doubles of...mainly a ton of bullets. Basically we have all these toys that are the same and it is totally pointless. I am also working on a new video review that will be up this week (hopefully), so that should be interesting enough. It is for a glow in the dark dildo...just try to picture that kick-ass review. I reorganized all my toys today because I was crazy bored. So all my vaginal balls, my Vamp, and my Sexy Bunny are all right next to the bed now. I also have my chocolate sauce, a few condoms, a cock ring, some toy wipes, and nipple clamps in there (this is my corset box). I put most of the other toys in the closet locked in my Devine Playchest.

Also, while I was perusing a blog, I saw the video of Christina Aguilara's "Not Myself Tonight." Umm, that ball gag? I want. I am considering altering the one I have now as a result. BTW, the video is very Madonna-esqu...I kind of liked it. Alright...that's it for tonight.

Is this shit even legal???

2010-04-30T10:37:00.005-05:00

Ok, so everyone is on this bandwagon, and I thought I would shed some light to any readers who don't already know about the website Healthy Strokes. You can read Epophora's take as well as Saraid's take. Let me being by placing a disclaimer that I am not a physician, but I think I may know just a little more about the female body than this guy. He is an absolute idiot.

I masturbate with a back massager, and I've always wanted to know if that's good or bad. I have really good orgasms and I can masturbate up to 30 times a day. (age 13)

I think it's bad. You should be developing a healthy sexuality so you can successfully have sex with a partner someday. I don't think a massager helps you do that.

Then...

I really want a vibrator but I don't know how to get one. I am not very open with my older sister or mother or any other older woman so I can't ask them. Where can I get one? (age 13)

I don't know that I'd recommend a vibrator at age 13. You ought to get to know your body better first. All I could do is tell you about a bunch of web sites, for which you probably don't have a credit card. (One of the most popular vibrators, the Hitachi Magic Wand, is available on amazon.com for $39.99. I don't recommend a vibrator or any particular brand or website.) You might consider buying one on eBay. Many eBay sellers accept cash or money orders.

I think you'll have to ask someone who has a credit card and/or can go into the kind of local store that sells them. They will probably assume you want it for masturbating.

Um, ok, so you are a hypocrite, right? First they are bad, then you tell a 13 year old to ask someone to buy her one. Oh, and I would never say, hey you want a vibrator? You're 13? The Hitachi, of all things, is right up your alley. Areyoufuckingjoking!?!?!?

Oh and I am totally fucking speechless:

I want a vibrator but I don't know how to get one. Do you think I can go into Le Sex Shoppe and get one? I look old enough for them to think that I am of age. Is it OK if I fantasize about having sex with women. I know I don't swing that way but I would like to try it one day. (age 15)

Vibrators are generally not age-restricted by the government, so I don't think you wouldn't be breaking any law by buying one. Stores like that know that some of their customers are underage and don't make an issue unless they're selling a restricted product. As I suggested above, you might consider buying one on eBay. What you fantasize about is up to you.

While vibrators are not really *restricted* by age per say, um...she isn't 18 and cannot legally enter a sex store you fucking moron. OMFG. OMG.

Ummm.....yeah, he seems to be a lot on the incestuous side. Right, because I would be cool with my older sister fucking me with a vibrator. Good Lord.

Is it OK to help your younger sister who is 12 to masturbate with your vibrator? I don't touch her myself. I use the vibrator. (age 16)

I don't see anything wrong with that. Of course, once you've shown her how, you won't need to help anymore.

Holy fuck...what the...why? Just why???

Are there any household items that can serve as lubes? Where can I get them? How do I use them? How do I keep my mom from noticing I masturbate? P.S. I love your site. (age 14)

Lots of young people use lotion, Vaseline, or ordinary saliva as lubes. Just apply a drop or two to the area that you are stimulating. I think if you clean up and don't leave sex toys and sexy pictures lying around, she won't notice.

Lotion? Vaseline? Umm, dude, chicks shouldn't stick that shit in their vaginas. Oh. My. God. Does anyone else see the issues here?

Why do males masturbate more than females?

As discussed elsewhere on this site, masturbation is universal among males past puberty, while only three quarters of females have done so by their 18th birthday. Remember why males masturbate:

They enjoy it
To release built-up sexual fluids; and
To keep their sperm in good condition for fertilization.

These last two reasons amount to a biological imperative for males to masturbate. Females don't share this biological imperative. So the only reason they do it is because they enjoy it. Considered in this light, it's understandable that (1) more males masturbate; and (2) males are more likely to make a regular habit of it.

Because I have never looked at J and said "fuck me, fuck me now or I might die." Oh, and it isn't a biological necessity, apparently he has never heard of asexuals. Just fucking amazing. He also says that not ejaculating for two weeks causes prostate damage. Asshole, this isn't true, if it was there would be a ton of unhappy males out there. J has gone months with nothing while he was deployed or training, it is possible. Oh and another thing, you don't need to jack off to keep your sperm healthy. In fact doing so too much will lessen chances of pregnancy, hence doctors telling fertility patients to only have sex during ovulation to increase the chance of pregnancy. Of course he might know this shit if he googled it.

So why don't I warn against heterosexual experimentation too? Because this isn't a two-way street; many females would reject a male for having engaged in homosexual activity, but no gay men would reject one for having experimented heterosexually. So it's rational for a male to postpone homosexual experimentation until he's certain he's gay.

Please, I beg of you please, tell me if I am wrong here: This is a generalized assumption, and there is a such thing as bi-sexual activity...I would know. So, having said that, how can one assume no gay male would reject another based on past sexual activity/preferences? Being gay is not so taboo that there are only six of them out there, so they can be just as picky as the next. To me this is the equivalent of saying all men like to watch lesbians. It simply isn't true.

I could go on and on and on...please for the love of all things do not let your kids get advise for retards like this one. I have two daughters and I fear everyday that someone will give them bad info like this. These kids who are taking his advise are in a bad position, they cannot be sexually healthy using this site. Besides, I am pretty fucking sure he is some 45 year old fat, bald guy with bad acne that has never been laid before and is living in his mom's basement jacking off to all the questions asked by 12 year olds. Sorry, but is how I feel about the situation.

Oh, one other thing, this whole TMS bullshit? Yeah, so if a guy can't masturbate on his stomach how does this asshole suggest he perform missionary sex (even though I think missionary is horrid)?

Symphony of vibration

2010-04-29T14:39:00.006-05:00

Cal Exotics sent me the Symphony Massager for a Sexpert review. I was a little more pleased with this toy than I have with a lot of the new toys Cal Exotics has been offering. The shape is very reminiscent of the Liberte vibe. It looks like a small personal back massager. The vibrator comes in a clear box, you know, the unmistakable "I'm a sex toy" box that so many toys come in. It is clear, you can see exactly what the toy looks like without ever needing to open the box, which is nice if you are in a physical toy store. The vibrator is in the tip of the toy, always a plus when it comes to feeling the vibrations. The width is only 1.5 inches, but it really has no bearing due to the fact that this is clitoral vibrator. There are five different vibrations you can get with the Symphony:
Moderate (vibe)
Intense (vibe)
TangoQuickstep
Samba

It is also waterproof. The end cap is tight enough that I did have to fight it to get it off the vibrator, but it is well worth the trade to be totally waterproof, in my opinion. There is a single button to go through all the functions (not something I prefer, but it works) located about the lower middle of the toy. The Symphony is shaped to be held comfortably in your hand for solo play, and even has an indent for a finger for added clitoral pressure for those who need it (aka ME). The Symphony is delightfully discreet for the most part. I mean, if you know sex toys you will likely know what it is off the bat, but for others it isn't as obvious. I am actually able to leave mine on my bookshelf next to the bed. I keep my massage oil by it, and no one ever notices it, not even my nosy little 5 year old.
As far as how well it works, I can say that while it did work it was great. Every set of batteries I put in died very fast, but I am assuming that is likely the specific toy I received and not the whole set. The vibrations were not as deep and rumbly as I like, but I know a lot of women who prefer the more high pitched vibrations...if you're one of them, this is an awesome vibrator for you. On a total upside you are free to use either water or silicone based lubricants without fear of damaging your new toy. When the batteries begin to die you will notice that the toy will only to the steady vibration levels for you. It is an excellent indicator that it is time to change batteries.

As I said on actual use before, mine ate through batteries very very quickly. Before it began to die rapidly I did get some great play time in with it. The Symphony is not the mind blowing, orgasm delivering strength some of us prefer, but because of the ease of adding pressure with your own hand the toy is simple to use and does deliver smaller orgasms (for me anyway). I had to use a lot of added pressure, but for someone who likes external stimulation (hell you can really use the Symphony anywhere you damn well please) the Symphony offers a great amount of stimulation. This is awesome for someone who may be newer to toys and wants something simple, with multi-speed options, and discreet. While I might recommend this for people who have a lot of experience with toys, it wouldn't be the first toy I would recommend to them.

Stress sux

2010-04-29T14:03:00.004-05:00

I am exhausted. Completely. Totally. Irreversibly (ok, maybe not irreversibly, but still). Exhausted. I cannot seem to stay awake for over a few hours at a time. I am stressed out all the time. I love J, but he keeps stressing me out. I hate moving, but I can't wait to get to San Diego so I can just relax for two days and get my damned head on straight.

I have reviews I need to do, cleaning, making sure the kids don't break anything while we are trying to sell the house, and a whole list of other shit I need to keep up on.

What makes it better? We need money. Yup, I need a job and I am freaking the fuck out about it. I guess I shouldn't; I just can't help myself.

That's it for the moment, look for an HNT tonight folks.

I love bunnies, I really do

2010-04-27T22:03:00.005-05:00

I really, really, wanted to love this adorable bunny (rabbit) vibrator. But, I didn't. Now, that isn't to say I hated it, just...meh, ok. The Sexy Bunny vibe is cute, I mean damned adorable really. So this vibrator is made of silicone, and let me tell you it is a lint catcher and a half (that's ok though because who can be mad a cute little bunny?); the bunny vibe is a tall bunny rabbit, face and all, so if you aren't too discreet with your toys this is definitely one you can leave out on the dresser. The bunny is just over 1.5 inches thick, about average for a rabbit vibe.

Now, I (I have no idea why though) thought the head rotated...yeah...I was wrong. There are pearls inside that rotate in both directions. Unfortunately you can't feel the pearls at all during use, but they didn't stop working while inserted either and that is a common complaint of rabbit style vibrators. The rotation buttons are on/off and a change direction button. Simple as pie. The vibration levels are low and high. There is a dedicated on/off button (I noticed no loss of motor power while having both going at one time); I only wish there were more speed variations on this toy.

The clitoral vibrator is {like usual, a bullet} a smaller rabbit with long soft ears. The ears do offer some amazing clitoral stimulation, you know, because I was sure that part would be horrible based on past experience and what I have heard. The ears flap fast, so if you don't need firm pressure achieve orgasm this is a great option for you. I prefer pressure, but I was able to get what I needed from the nose of the little bunny.

I have this stored in a small decorative box beside my bed with a little bag of Afterglow Wipes in there as well for easy clean up (be sure to still use toy cleaner and water every now and again to be sure the toy is totally clean). I also keep a small bottle of water based lubricant in there so I don't inadvertently use silicone (which would damage the toy).

The Sexy Bunny is waterproof. I know this for a fact. First, when you open the bottom to insert the batteries (4 AAA) you will notice a second battery cap to seal the battery compartment. I did test this toy in the tub, and it came out like new. Overall this is a quality toy; it is simple, but gets the job done and looks damn cute doing so...as I said, I just wish there were more options with the speed, and that I could actually feel the pearl rotations.

Thank you to Babeland for providing me with this toy to review.

Bubblicious...I just had to!

2010-04-27T21:21:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I was lucky enough to be sent the Fun Factory click 'n charge Bubbles Vibe by Babeland to review. Um...yes, yes, YES.

Let me begin with the fact that before Bubbles I had zero experience with a Fun Factory toy, plus no experience with a rechargeable toy. Double points for Babeland and Fun Factory for me :)

Ok, well Bubbles is a short and thick vibrator that looks like a stack of, you guessed it, bubbles. It comes in pink and blue (mine is a gorgeous light pink) and is about 1.5 inches thick (it feels a lot thicker though). The staggering of the bubbles makes for some amazing sensations for insertion. It is pure silicone (no silicone lube...don't forget) and about three inches (that can be inserted anyway) long. The silicone is soft and sort of squishy. There are 10...yes 10...speeds, all of which are surprisingly strong for such a small toy. The Bubbles vibe also offers 5 pulsating options!!! Holy shit!

To top all that off it is waterproof! Plus the whole rechargeable thing? Amazing. I was in awe of this toy when I got it. And it is quickly becoming my new go to vibe.

The power of the motor makes this an exceptional vibrator for anyone. If you prefer only clitoral stimulation (like me) this is still a great toy as well; the curve of the bubbles is perfect for comfortable holding for clitoral use. The vibration is felt through the entire vibrator rather than in just the base like in so many other vibes. It is a perfect gift for someone you know who is a toy enthusiast; believe me, they will be thanking you for a while for this gift.

The controls are great. Just hold the + down to turn it on, then just push the + or - to change speeds. To get the multi-functions going hold the + down again and sift through using the +/- controls. It can get confusing during use unless you are only using the multi-speed part, but that is so easily overlooked because of all the other great features.

Now, because this is basically a mini-vibe it isn't the best for g-spot stimulation. Keep that in mind if you are looking for g-spot stimulation in your toy. You can pick up the Bubbles Vibe and all your other sex toys at Babeland.com.

Thank you to Babeland for providing this toy for review.

Morning sex...

2010-04-16T22:42:00.002-05:00

Ugh, I have been hating my mornings. Let me tell you. I get up at 6am to get the kid ready for school, she is out the door around 7am. Then get the other kid to school at 8:30am. All while J is asleep. Not that I mind that part because he will be leaving for Cali soon and will be getting up at like 4:30am to get to work by like 8am. It would be bitchy of me to resent him.

Anyway...I never get my coffee anymore, and I am often very cranky as a direct result. I like to have my cup of coffee and read all the posts and blogs and whatnot that I can while I wake up. Ugh, I seriously need a new job...anyone want to hire a professional Virtual Assistant? No, seriously, anyone? No, fine. I really do enjoy working from home, and I work better that way, but hey, whatever. So, I never get my coffee, I get up early, I am cranky, and then...

drum-roll please

You guessed it...J wants sex. Are you fucking kidding?!?!? Well, of course I end up doing it, but come on people!!! Can't I get a damn cup of coffee anymore?!? Ok, for my birthday I want everyone to pitch in and get me my Coffee Maker!!! PLEASE :)

Sassy Booty Formula

2010-04-15T23:06:00.001-05:00

I will begin with the fact that I have never before tried an anal lubricant. So, basically I have nothing other than your basic water based and silicone based lubes to compare Sassy Booty Formula to. That being said...I must admit I really like this lubricant. I was totally skeptical about it at first, but I like Sliquid so much I had to try it at least once. Let's take a quick look at the ingredients, shall we?

Purified Water, Plant Cellulose, Polyquat 007, DMDM Hydantoin

Ok, now...take a quick glance at the H2O ingredients really quickly please:

Purified Water, Plant Cellulose, Polyquat 007, DMDM Hydantoin

Makes you wonder, right? Yeah, me too. Guess what? They are not the same. Sliquid Sassy is thick, gel like even, while H2O was watery and thinner. It has serious staying power. There is no glycerin and there are no parabens. I had absolutely no discomfort, no burning, and no yeast infection (yes, I had to try it vaginally as well) from using this lubricant. Sliquid Sassy is surprisingly thick, especially considering it is a water based lubricant. I know because I checked, repeatedly.

I prefer water based lubricants because of the chemical compatibility of it with my silicone toys, and having a water based anal lube is great because I never need to worry about ruining my favorite toys with silicone lube again. Now, I won't lie, Sassy did dry up a little faster than my silicone lube, but that is ok. It did out perform every water based lubricant I have ever used before in my life. Plus, I have only had to reapply once during an extended play session.

Now, Sassy is not a desensitizing lubricant. And, to be honest, if you own some...get rid of it. Desensitizing is not safe due to the fact that you are less likely to feel true discomfort that would normally be an indicator of a more serious problem. So you will feel the stretching and whatnot of anal play, but go slow and be careful and you should have a great time.

My only complaint is the cap. I have come to appreciate pump systems because of the drip type spout everyone else uses tenancy to leak. My other Sliquid bottle leaked so badly I had to put the lubricant into a whole new container just to be safe. This particular bottle hasn't leaked, but I still prefer pump style lubes.

It even comes in a cutesy light blue and pink bottle. Now, I know this isn't for everyone, but...Some people may find anal play to be a nerve racking thing, and some of the lubricants can tend to look really tough. This lightens the look of anal play, and, for me anyway, can make it seem less intimidating. Also, because there is no taste or smell it is user friendly to oral sex as well.

This is a great started lubricant to anyone who is interested in anal play. Since there is no desensitizing aftermath, and it is safe for use on all toys (pair it with glass or metal for a silky smooth ride), you get a great amount of lubricant for the price (although you may need to note that you can't take it on a plane until you have transferred bottles because the smallest bottle is still over 3oz.), it is long lasting, and Sassy is super thick. I would honestly recommend Sliquid Sassy to anyone at all.

Sometimes it can be too much

2010-04-13T07:25:00.003-05:00

It's been a while since I have really written a post here. There are reasons for that, though. I had some drama I had to dismiss recently and it was harder than I expected. I ended up losing a friend over it all, not that I really care though. You see a so called friend of mine had an affair...that I can deal with, because you know...shit happens. What I could not deal with was her total inability to take responsibility for what she did. She just kept making excuses rather than saying, yup I did it, here is why, and it was wrong.

Let me begin here. I have a good friend who's great husband allows her to have a boyfriend on the side. Now, I don't know all the details in that relationship, and to be honest they don't really matter all that much. What matters is is the fact that she is honest about her lifestyle. In the other situation, that friend is not honest. She sneaks around, uses us as her excuse. That is the part I take issue with. I don't like that she repeatedly says it was an accident. Umm...so will it be an accident tomorrow? Most people learn from their mistakes, not her.

The part that really grates at me? She had the audacity to call me her best friend. All she does is lie and cheat and she calls me her best friend. I haven't heard an honest thing come out of her mouth in years. Excuse me if I don't think we are actually friends. So I basically told her I was choosing sides in a giant mess she created and that we were no longer friends to any remote extent. Do I feel bad? Not really. I mean, she lies and cheats and is not a good person, so in all I feel I have lost nothing.

In other news...

I was diagnosed with PCOS, clearly it is a rising issue in women. My concern is that I am all about having more kids...you know, like I want 6 or so...

Well, that is on hold for now because I am no longer fucking ovulating. Stupid ovaries. I was really upset about a week ago because of this. Actually, a few weeks ago I broke down and cried because my sister sent me her wedding photos and she's knocked up with damn twins and I can't even get one. AGGGHHH. Can you just hear me screaming into my pillow? Yes, I know I have kids...I want more. I feel like it is the only thing I do right sometimes. I never had issues getting pregnant before and now it is driving me nuts. What makes it worse is that my very best friend has PCOS and she has no kids at all. Plus, her 17 year old cousin just got pregnant. Said friend is almost 27. She is a wreck over it all. I can't even begin to imagine her pain. If I feel this bad because I can't have more, I can't begin to know how bad it feels to not be able to have one. To add insult t injury for her people keep giving helpful alternatives to her...I think she may kill someone. I want to slap a few people for her. It's been a long few weeks.

On the upside I will be moving to San Diego in the middle of May!!! Yay!!!

I'm a wiener!!!

2010-04-06T13:09:00.006-05:00

Err, well winner anyway. So I was just notified by Insatiable Desire that I won third freakin' place in her Birthday Bash contest on her website!!! Fucking AWESOME!!! Especially since I had totally forgotten that I had even entered the damn thing.

Squee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-04-06T09:10:00.003-05:00

So we have been crazy busy over here. J got home and about a week later the dogs got out and ran off to God knows where. I actually got a call saying someone saw one of them running around Harding Rd (mind you that is a big fucking street), like I am supposed to not take my kids to school, call the bank to yell at them, and do my other 39,667 I have to do today just so I can drive for another three hours looking for a dog that is, more than likely, not mine...again. Ugh. But I miss my babies, and I want them home more than you can imagine. I just know someone has my beagle and has seen one of my 200 ads and is refusing to give him back...I hope he bites them in the shins. Ok, I am clearly lacking sleep too.

After the pups ran off I had to go to the Dr for a raging UTI, gee, I can't imagine how I would get one of those (you know, since J is home after a year of being gone). When I got home the MIL has this retarded look on her face and J says to pack our shit, we are moving to San Diego. Are you fucking with me? No, he wasn't he got the job in San Diego, and now...we get to go. Ok, well, he will go in a week or two, then we wait for the midgets to get out of school, then I will get to go out there. Stoked. So, we are looking at apartments, and condos in San Diego, Alpine, and Poway. Yippee!!!

Oh, and to make matters better, I finally got my E-stim vibe in the mail from EF yesterday :)

Better than old stale chocolate, but not the good stuff

2010-04-03T22:52:00.004-05:00

With all the hype surrounding the Better than Chocolate I figured it deserved a go round. Basically the BTC is just a simple clitoral vibrator with several functions. The box it comes in closely resembles a jewelry box and the first thing I thought was that because of the design and box this would make a great gift to a good friend or to a partner. It is elegant and would seem like a sweet thought rather than a "here's a new sex toy." The box also provides the storage, and it even comes with a draw string bag for your new toy. I use the bag for my batteries.

Its shape makes holding it easy and lessens the chance that you will be annoyed because it slips all around like other vibes. The BTC is made of non-porous TPR and comes in three different colors (mine is pink). It is 100% bleach-able and you can also use a toy cleaner. Since this isn't an insertable toy there really is no need for boiling, but if you get the urge...don't. The batteries are inserted in the hand held end of the toy, and I had a hard time trying to open it and get it closed again. The control panel...

Oh the amazing touch technology. This is innovative, and kind of fun...in theory. The actual controls are a sliding touch pad that goes by body heat. Sometimes it wouldn't work at all, and others it was overly sensitive. The control pad allows you to lock the vibrator to whichever speed or pattern you prefer, but I usually can't get it out of the lock, and I have to turn it off, then back on. I am sure you can imagine how frustrating that can get.

The vibrations are not very strong. Don't get me wrong, they aren't weak, they just aren't as strong as my other vibes. The vibrations can be felt throughout the entire toy, so full labia stimulation is a great option with the BTC. The tip of the toy is rather pinpointed and is great for clitoral stimulation alone and with a partner. On the upside it is fully waterproof and makes for some fun bath time experiences. The BTC is also great for nipple stimulation because of the weaker level of vibrations, I personally hate nipple play, so the weaker vibes made it more tolerable.

Overall? This is an innovative and just plain neat vibrator, but as far as actually doing its job and helping to reach orgasm it falls very very short of it expectations. I was sad at this revelation, but I have nothing but hope that Naomi Tang will introduce a stronger vibrator in the future. The TPR is great, it allows a lower cost of production (which is clearly not evident in the price, but the new technology is) and it isn't clear and sticky like other TPR. This is a beautiful toy, but it simply didn't live up to the hype.

Thanks to Babeland.com for sending me the BTC to review.

Meh...it wasn't anything to write home about

2010-03-24T07:53:00.004-05:00

And believe me, if it was, I would have. I am a lube whore. I love love love it. You see I have this issue that keeps me in gawd awful pain during sex and we are always looking for a good lube to help us out with some of that. Well, I have been eyeing Liquid Silk for a while now. It is a water based lube, well more of a hybrid really. It contains no glycerin (no stickies later, and no burning now) so I am up for trying it. It does contain parabens, so if you don't like them in your lubricants this is your warning here. Also, as I said, it is a hybrid, while it's water based it does have Dimethicone listed as an ingredient. Dimethicone is a key ingredient in silicone lubricants, and having it in the "hybrid" lubes gives them more staying power over all.

While is use with just me and J this lubricant worked really well. I did experience some burning, but I am not wholeheartedly sure that was caused by the lubricant specifically. We also used it with a condom with no adverse affects. My only concern is that I have heard that some people have had their silicone toys react badly to this lube. That would be devastating to me, so I will not use it on my silicone toys just as a precaution. So, I have heard it, but will not be testing it.

The Liquid Silk lasted without needing any additional applications during sex, so I was very impressed by the staying power it had. It is a milky color and a little thicker in consistency, I am very sure you are thinking of what it looked like going "oh!" I wasn't too fond of the bottle itself. The smaller bottles are very hard to squeeze and take way too much time to get it all out. As far as reapplication, all I had to do was add a little bit of water and it was set to go, but the lube itself actually lasted over an hour. Would I set this out as my go to lube? No, not likely. I liked it, but I am not a fan of parabens, so this wouldn't be a good everyday lubricant for me. But it just might make a great go to lube for you.

Thank you to Babeland.com for sending me the Liquid Silk Lubricant for review.

Way too expensive for such a small motor

2010-03-24T07:06:00.005-05:00

The Sexpert review for the month is the Cal Exotics 7 function remote bullet. Now, the bullet is really bulkey, 1 inch thick x 3.75 inches long. I am used to much smaller bullets, but since this was made for vaginal insertion and wear-ability I can certainly understand (it needs to be large enough that the average woman can hold it in with little to know effort). There is a cord for easy removal on the base of the bullet, so removing the bullet is next to effortless, much like removing a giant tampon.

The bullet comes with a remote control for use from a distance. Now, you can use this alone for self stimulation, or you can hand your remote off to a partner for some surprising fun. There is an on/off button, a function button, and a vibration control. So, while you do get 7 functions you are really getting much more than that because of the differing levels of vibration. This is by far the best feature of the toy as a whole.

For actual use? The bullet is strong and all, but only as an external stimulator. I was bored having it inserted. The only way to really feel much is to have it on high, and people can certainly hear that. And on that note, discreetness is virtually non-existence with the remote control bullet. It is loud and even while wearing it, someone near you will hear it, I have doubt about that in my mind. Tried, and confirmed. We were out to diner and when he turned it on he could hear it. So I took the controls. When I turned it on, he could hear it. He had no idea when I would be pushing buttons. And while I could feel the vibrations while wearing it, they were nothing more than an annoying buzz coming from within my vaginal walls...nothing worth remembering three minutes later.
The biggest issue with this toy? Batteries. Seriously. I have no idea why anyone would have a toy on the market using a 12v battery and watch batteries. Neither are cost effective at $6 plus per package, and you only get 2 12v in a pack, and they only last about two hours. Pointless, in efficient and not cost effective, not to mention, have you ever tried to buy watch batteries for a toy? Do you have any idea how many sizes there are? Hello people!!! And 12v batteries aren't exactly sitting around waiting to be used, I had to go to four stores to even find one pack of those stupid batteries.
Would I recommend this to anyone? Hell no. Especially when I got 20 minutes of use from the bullet and the controller only lasted 2 hours on the most expensive batteries you can get your hands on. This toy could have easily accommodated a AA battery with no issue, so why would I ever suggest to throw money away on overpriced and hard to find batteries?

Ouch...where the fuck did that come from?

2010-03-22T07:28:00.004-05:00

So almost all of you know J came home last week. He was in MS and I had to go get him because he refused to wait until Friday to come home. So I drove to MS Tuesday and picked him up; we stayed the night in AL and came home Wednesday. We had a ton of fun together. I have missed him way too much for my own good since he left.

Then comes Friday night...

Oh my. Where do I even begin. Well, let's start with the fact that he has been gone almost a whole year and hasn't had a chance to really play with me, or any of the newer toys. Sure...he was here in November, but we were in Bostone, NYC and Philly during that time and we had the kids with us. So Friday night came. He seriously didn't want me to know what he was going to do to me apparently. There are never blindfolds in our play, but he used one.
And cuffs
And a flogger
And some clamps
And the Vamp (we won't get into that, but damn I am still sore)
And a g-spot vibe
And who knows what else...

It was like that for a while too.

I am still recovering. That's it.

Like Hershey's only sexy

2010-03-21T19:21:00.000-05:00

Chocolate...

Love, sensual, taste, most girls love me...

So it is no wonder over priced chocolate sauces made for body painting are common now. It is sexy and naughty, and people love that. Why pay more though for basic chocolate? Ambiance people. Ambiance.

The Shunga Body Paint is one of those "overpriced body paints" that have become so popular. I have to admit, food in the bed grosses me out. Massively. I think it is so nasty and food should stay in the kitchen, and furthermore, food on me? Oh. No. Well, I knew I was breaking my own boundaries with this body paint, but, no pain...no gain. Right? Right.

First, the bottle is adorable. I love the glass bottle and the awesome little paint stick it comes with. They are elegant, sensual, and clean. Just dip the tip into the bottle and paint, write, whatever on your partner. You can trace the chocolate with your own tongue and lips and enjoy your closeness. The body painting is extremely erotic, and I can't say enough about that.

Cleanup...well, you have a few choices. Ok, only one, but still. Attempting cleanup is a blast. You can lick it of or dip fruit in it right off your partner, so on and so forth. Afterward...shower. I don't care if it is together or whatever, but you need to shower to get the shit off.

Taste:
Hershey's. Seriously. It tastes like Hershey's. I even went as far as to make chocolate milk with it. That is how much like Hershey's sauce it was. It took me back to this winter in the Hershey factory in PA, it brought back the same smells, tastes, and everything.

I was in a state of shock when I discovered this, but whatever. We normally don't do food during sex; it really isn't our kinda thing, so this is actually good for me. I can use it for desserts or any other thing I really want to.

Overall, I must say I would actually purchase the Shunga Chocolate Body Sauce for a bedroom adventure. It is incredibly sexy and sensual and can bring a romantic evening to anyone, even those who aren't into kink. This is an amazing alternative to spice up the bedroom without getting all wild and crazy.

Thanks to Babeland.com for sending me this item to review

Inky situation

2010-03-15T09:35:00.007-05:00

The Hand blown glass probe by Cal Exotics is a piece of artwork. Truly beautiful. It features sort of a pirate-esque tattooing on the smooth end of the shaft, with a formed and dulled pointed head on one end and an increasing ripple on the other end with a gorgeous curve for g-spot or p-spot stimulation (unfortunately for you I am a chick, so you get no info on p-spot use). The glass is clear and seems flawless, one of the wonders that draws us all near to glass toys.

It is actually a lot smaller than I thought it would be. The shaft is 1 inch thick with the thickest part of the toy being the head at 1.5 inches thick. The probe is 8.5 inches long, the curve makes it look about 7.5 inches long. The smallest nodule on the probed end is about 0.75 inches thick with a total of four sizes up to 1.5 inches thick.

I love glass. It doesn't give at all, so if you need pressure to reach an orgasm you will be set with one good glass piece. As I held it to examine it for cracks or fissures (it is glass, so all precautions need to be taken seriously) I noticed that the inking was on the outside of the glass. Some parts were smooth, almost sticker like, and some were more raised and rough. Now, I don't know about you, but that is a no go for me. I did use it of course (I was, after all, supposed to still review it). I did use a condom, so my review is a wee bit tainted...get over it. During actual use of the probe...umm yeah, wow. I loved it. Really, I did. The glass held cold very well and the tip end of the probe was nice for g-spot stimulation. I would be careful if you're a thruster though, slamming into the cervix with a glass probe hurts. I know this for a fact.

The tapered bubbly end of the probe was great both anally and vaginally (umm, no vaginal after anal though). I didn't need a condom since I just made good and sure the painty area wasn't up in me. Lovely thing about glass? Any lube you love. Any. Really, awesome. Also, you can clean it easily too. Hold it in boiling water for three minutes, 10% bleach wipe down, or a toy cleaner. Options are limitless with glass toys. The curve and the textures helped in holding the probe during use, but be aware that the toy will get slippery if lubricant ends up on whatever you're holding on to.

My only issue:

Now, I say this is my only issue, but it would be the one to make or break this review for the hand blown glass probe (which, by the way could have had a way more kick-ass name).

The inking on the probe is on the outside and when I went over it with my nail in a few areas a top layer type thing came off (hence the condom). Only a few little areas of ink flaked, but it is enough for me to say I won't be shoving it into my body. Especially since I have no idea what the hell the tattoo is actually made up of or how it is applied or anything. And nothing against China or the manufacturers, but we all remember the Walmart fiasco where there was lead in toys and appliques on clothing, right? Well, if that is the case...umm I don't want that in me. Now, I don't know this for sure so don't be all like "well Alley said that [blah blah blah]." All I am saying is I am picky about what I use, so I won't insert this without protection.

Small side note: This is not really discreet, I am pretty sure people will know what it is for. Plus, you should store it away from other heavy toys to avoid cracks and such. I store mine is a padded draw string bag to ensure safety if it drops.

Recommended?

I don't know if I would actually recommend this without actually knowing the answers to my questions. As of now...no, I in no way recommend this toy.

If I were to recommend this it would be to someone who actually ever owned a toy before. Glass is fragile and can crack and whatnot, so care is essential. I wouldn't recommend this as a first toy for a few reasons:
1. It is a probe and can be used anally, but someone with no knowledge of anal toy safety could potentially hurt themselves.
2. Glass can hurt. If you slam into your vaginal walls or cervix you can bruise them, so knowing how to use a toy for yourself can be helpful.

Since it is small you could get this as a first glass toy.

Teneo Uno...a no no for me (maybe not you though)

2010-03-13T13:00:00.004-06:00

So I was lucky enough to get to review the Smartballs Teneo Uno (the single) by Fun Factory. Let me begin with the packaging...oh my wow. Seriously, it was a nice package, high quality, with everything in like umpteen dozen languages.

The Teneo Uno is like the basic Teneo set of Smart Balls, but rather than two balls there is only the single ball. They are about 1.5 inches thick and an oblong(ish) shape. The ball and the removal cord are both 100% silicone (and therefore fully sterilizable), so they can be cleaned by bleaching, toy cleaner and water, or boiling for three minutes. There are some crevices, so be sure your toy is totally clean before and after each use.

Basically the Teneo is used just like the double, but instead you only need to insert one ball...this is a relief to a lot of women who have issues with the double set of Smartballs because of the length of the toy. Once the ball is in you PC muscles will work to hold the ball in...in theory...

But...my PC muscles didn't need to work at all because the velvety texture along with the massive size held the ball in place the entire time. I felt nothing, other than a giant ball in my vagina, and really got absolutely nothing out of the experience. I did give it 30 minutes a day for a week, but the results we nothing, my own personal PC exercises do more than the ball could. Also, I am not sure how well sex while using this could work. I have heard of people doing that, but the ball is so large that I can imagine it would be in the way and nothing more.

While the Smartballs are well made and have a great price tag, I must say one would be better off paying a little extra for the Luna Beads set and use it as a double, a single, and change the size if need be. It would be a far better investment, in my honest opinion. The Teneo might be nice for someone who just had the third child and has never done a PC exercise in her life, but for the rest of us, I just think it is far too large to do any actual good for our pelvic floor. Although I don't think this is the best vaginal ball ever, the quality of the toy and materials used are superb, and if your average sized toy is over 1.5 inches wide...I say go for it! If you have really strong pelvic muscles, well, don't bother. Vaginal exercisers are a hit and miss kind of thing, you just have to try it out and hope for the best.

Thank you to Babeland for sending me this item to review.

Actual enchancement you can use

2010-03-09T08:00:00.005-06:00

Oceanic Naturals: Intense Pleasure Pack for Women

I will begin with the Stimulating Gel in the Pleasure Pack. It is thin, but when I placed a drop onto my finger it wasn't runny. It really holds its place very well. It is glycerin free and lasted me about 20 minutes or so. While it did do something to stimulate my clitoris, I am not really sure what that was. I really didn't feel any tingling sensation, just a very obvious swelling sensation. The swelling, of course, caused a faster orgasm, and allowed for multiple orgasms. After, the cleanup was great. The stimulating gel just absorbed right into my body and I didn't have any mess that needed to be really cleaned from the gel.

The Massage Gel in the Pleasure Pack is so nice. It is basically a silicone lubricant that you use as a massage oil. It is still thin enough that you can use it as a lubricant, but not so thin that is wears off quickly. This oil does need some washing to remove it from your body because it is silicone based, but that can just add to the pleasure with a nice warm shower together :)

Keep in mind that since this is a silicone based oil you cannot use it with any silicone toys or you will degrade them. The silicone in the oil allows for a slick surface for massages and full body contact. It is non-irritating and has no real smell to it at all...oh, that reminds me; the stimulating gel smells like Play-Doh. If you are a parent you know this smell well, and you realize it is not a sexy smell, so try to avoid oral sex after the gel has been applied.

While I was not overly impressed with the quality of the set, I cannot say that it didn't work. It didn't give me mind blowing orgasms, buuuttttt...

The Pleasure Pack did enhance the feeling of the orgasms as well as offer a great sensual massage. Also, because the massage oil can be used as a personal lubricant there is no need to have anything else out and ready when you decide it's time for some play. Overall, I would recommend this product for sensual and sexual enhancement.

Thank you to TabuToys.com for allowing me to review this item.

add lib: Libido Enchancement Pills

2010-03-08T06:58:00.007-06:00

add lib Libido Enhancement...

TabuToys.com sent me a box of libido enhancing pills to review...

I really don't know where to begin with this one...the box claims it it recommended by women's health professionals, but I am inclined to ask which ones? add lib is made up of all natural ingredients, most of which are mood stimulants (i.e. B12, ginseng). After trying the pills for a few days, twice a day, I was left with nothing but nasty tasting burps. For hours I burped up a grassy flavors. Not. Sexy. Not even a little. My libido was not enhanced. Now, I will not say that these do not work, but they did not work for me.

They come in a 30 day supply box (60 capsules). There is a strong odor to the pills once you open them. You will have no doubt that they are natural pills. The box lists all the ingredients, and the side of the box lists the common known results (or what they claim to be them anyway) of the ingredients. What the box does not tell you is that if you are on any type of blood thinner you should NEVER take Fenugreek. Now, that will thicken your blood, I am not pleased that the warning is only to those who are pregnant or lactating. This is a huge ball to have been dropped by Oceanus Naturals.

I don't really have much else to give you, readers, because the Libido Enhancement pills enhanced nothing more than my heartburn and disdain for natural pills. It also reinforced my theory that pills don't usually increase libido. Yes, I know, that have some that do, but OTC ones are not really going to do anything other than waste your money...

If you want to pick up your libido in an instant use this...Actual enhancement you can use.

Le Curve has "le power"

2010-03-01T21:54:00.007-06:00

Ok, so I wasn't really sure what I could compare this to, but then I realized that the Le Curve by Cal Exotics could easily be compared to any other clitoral vibrator around. Basically the Le Curve is the California Exotics response to the Layaspot. I don't own a Layaspot, but I do have a Better than Chocolate. Which did I like? Le Curve. It is an easy to hold vibrator with a bulbous handle that is a powerhouse of vibration. Other clitoral stimulators I have used have not matched up yet. I was genuinely shocked at the amount of vibration this toy offered. The nose is not pointed, so while it is pin point vibrations, the area it covers is not as small as most clitoral vibrators. I really felt this was a great bonus.

Three AA batteries keep it powered and ready to please, but don't be fooled by it's pretty and shiny metallic appearance. It can actually be rather harsh for direct stimulation if you prefer more diffuse vibration to your clitoris. I prefer pressure and power, so the Le Curve was actually a wonderful match for me. It is about 6 inches long, but held in my hand it feels bigger than it looks in a photo. As I said before though, the size makes it very easy to handle. It is about 1.25 inches in diameter, but that really doesn't matter since it truly isn't meant for insertion. The Le Curve is non-porous plastic, so care is very easy. Since you don't insert it and the batteries are located in the handle there really is no concern of water damage. It is made of plastic so feel free to use your favorite lubricants. And to really clean (other than toy cleaner and water) you can wipe it down with alcohol.

The controls on the Le Curve are great. There is a dedicated on/off button on bottom, and the buttons will be lit as long as the toy is on, so you can't forget to turn it off. Seven functions. That's it, just the on/off and a function button. You can scroll through your favorite functions and once you get through them it goes back to "off," or well, not vibrating anyway. My only complaint is the noise level. I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said the Le Curve actually rivaled in noise level to my Hitachi. Seriously. It is that loud.

As far as vibrators go, especially clitoral types, I am really impressed with the Le Curve. It offers powerful vibrations, a sleek, nice looking, and easy to clean surface, and is very well made. Offering plenty of variety as far as functions (from basic vibes to pulsation patterns and escalation), this is a great toy to add to a toy box for a woman who likes power. And even if you don't like power, well you can always use it as a pin point back massager (I was serious when I said it had power). Unfortunately it is so not discreet, but hey...for the price and the power, I think I can forgive the fact that everyone in the state can hear it.

I certainly wouldn't say a toy like this is for everyone, but I do think that the vast majority of people would really enjoy this toy. Because it is easy to clean, is small enough to travel with, and is so powerful it can only add to your collection. Plus, well, it's kinda pretty.

Thank you to Vibrator.com for sending me this toy for review.

Ugh...marriage

2010-02-26T22:03:00.002-06:00

Really. I don't even know where to begin. My stress level is through the roof as I look for a job, J has been bugging the hell out of me about it, and my sister is a pain in the ass on top of all that. I am undeniably tired of the bullshit.

I hate where we live, the schools suck ass, the people are rude, and you can't get a decent Italian meal for shit. I am sick of it and I am SO ready to uproot and move to NYC or somewhere relative to who we really are.

Anywho...I have a butt load of reviews to push out, but I am lost on some of them. Ick. I hate that. Oh well.

Wow, a first for me...thank you!

2010-02-24T08:48:00.007-06:00

Ok, so I have never owned a rabbit style vibrator. The one reason I have never owned a rabbit vibe before was size. I don't particularly care for girthy toys. The Bella is 1.25 inches thick and the insertable length is 4.75 inches. I suppose that may not be enough for some women, but for me it was wonderful. The Bella features a slight nub at the tip for g-spot pleasure (although I never really felt it), and is soft and squishy(ish). It really resembles my Enchanted vibe, which is another member of the Cal Exotics couture line.

The Bella is made of silicone, but I am not so sure it is 100% silicone, rumors of people cutting them open and finding foam made it my way. Umm, I don't care? Nope, I still like it. The silicone allows for sterilization, you can use a 10% bleach solution or boil it (I am guessing by holding it upside down in the water). The texture of the silicone is matte, so it isn't slick, but it really doesn't have a whole lot of drag to it. Also, silicone means only water based lubricants may be used on this toy. Period. Try some of these.

There are ridges along the top of the internal vibrator, and along the clitoral stimulator (which totally looks like a thumb, if you ask me...and you did...that's why I am reviewing it). The tip of the clitoral stimulator has dots on the top of it for added stimulation (in the shape of a flower even), these actually do work a little bit. While there is still that squishiness (now I am making up words) I love about this line, there is less give because of the added motor in the top of the vibrator.

The control unit is on the base, and I love it. It is a sleek silver, and you will know it is on when the lights come on as the indicator. There is a dedicated on/off button for the entire unit, and two different buttons to control the rotating head and the clitoral vibrator. The control for the rotation is two arrows forming a circle and the waves are for the clitoral stimulator, each is totally separate from the other so you can use just one or both. The rotation has three speeds, and I found them to be decent, but not too thrilling really. This is the draw to the rabbit vibes for me, the rotating heads most of them have, but I was a little disappointed. The rotation loses significant power once inserted, but from what I have gathered this is not an uncommon complaint. The clitoral unit has seven speeds, your basic three speed, plus four pulsing speeds...basic, faster an escalation, and a variable pulsing. The escalated pulsing is my favorite for a good tease during use, then I will escalate up to the steady speeds for a good orgasm. I must add that if you use both motors at once they do lose some power, but it wasn't enough for me to call it an actual issue.

If you leave the rotation off you can thrust while using the clitoral vibe. It isn't particularly my favorite thing, but I actually prefer a dildo for thrusting anyway. Plus, the base is a little bit bulky and a kind of squared off shape, so holding it tight is not the most comfortable way to work. As well as thrusting you can just let the rotations relax you and get you in the mood for some heavier play. The softness of the Bella will not allow for enough pressure (for me anyway) to orgasm from it alone, but it makes for a great foreplay toy if that is what you are looking for. You can also use this for nipple stimulation or anything else you can imagine...you only need to think outside the box.

Speaking of boxes...well, I simply don't like the box. It is too large considering the toy is just tossed in there in a sealed bag. The box features the toy under running water all pretty like, but doesn't really do much for me. I certainly don't need a half naked hooker on the box, but I guess I do need more than just water.

The batteries we a bit of an annoyance. I seem to be coming across more and more toys using three AAA batteries. What the hell people? Ugh. So after I dug the damn third battery up I inserted them. The battery case is very self explanatory. There are two slots on the front and one in back. Match them up like your two year old does with all those puzzles, umm be sure the metal pieces are down though, and put the cap back on. I did get about two hours out of my vibrator on one set of batteries, not bad considering I am working with two motors. Just so you know, to extend battery life always remove them when your toy is not in use.

I must note that the Bella is in no way, shape or form anywhere near close to being discreet. It looks like a vibrator. Sorry, but anyone who sees it will know off the bat what it is they are seeing. It is loud, but the noise is easily muffled, although you could hear it just the slightest bit through my bedroom door. So I would not recommend this to anyone who needs serious discretion. Beyond that...well, I love that this isn't a traditional phallic shape. I prefer non phallic toys, so this is a great way for me to still get my rabbit vibe.

I was very pleased overall. I enjoyed my time with the Bella. Oh! Did I mention she is waterproof. Tried and true. I took her in the bath with me. Now...the battery cap is plastic and it just twist locks and has NO o-ring. So, the safety is still questionable with water. I believe it is only a matter of time because my Enchanted battery cap is very loose now and wiggles if you move the vibrator. An additional thing to note, and quite possibly something that Cal Exotics might want to fix in future models.

I would mostly recommend the Bella as a first rabbit. Why? Well, the controls are crazy easy to use, it is non-threatening to anyone looking for a first toy, but...size. Plain and simple, 1.25 inches thick isn't all that big. Most rabbit style vibes average in at 1.5 inches. This is something to consider when looking at this vibrator. If you are a size queen, keep looking. Despite a few flaws, I really love how well this toy operates, and how nice it looks. It was a wonderful first rabbit vibe, and I am so happy I didn't need to run through ten rabbit vibes to find just one I liked.

Go-Girl Review

2010-02-23T20:47:00.005-06:00

Oh. My. Goodness. I was skeptical when Babeland sent me the Go-Girl for review, but man, oh man.

The go girl is a cone(ish) shaped object that is made to allow women to pee standing up. Umm...hell yeah! It is made of 100% silicone, so it is totally sterilizable. You can clean it with a 10% bleach solution or toss it into a pot of boiling water for three minutes.

It is kind of a bent cone shape with little lips on the area that covers the vulva to prevent leaking. Ok, well, it did leak a few times, but once I got the hang of it I was good to go and didn't have anymore issues. I do recommend using it at home until you master it before trying outside the home. The bend in the funnel pushes the urine right into the toilet...I really have no idea how men are constantly missing the bowl, because I never had a single issue, and I even left the toilet seat DOWN. Apparently men are just messy. I think they aim to miss, ya' know?

So anywho...I really think this is a great item. Not just for those who are interested in peeing while standing, but for all women. It comes in a tube with a plastic bag you can put it in after use to bring it home, and even some toilet paper. Hello!!! Brilliant much!?!? I can totally see myself using this. I even wish they had a kids' size because public restrooms can be mighty gross from time to time.

There was discomfort during use. Let's face it, I am not a guy, so unzipping and whipping it out is not an option. You do have to pull your pants down considerably and spread your legs a bit, so be aware of this. Other than that, there really is no downside to this item. Once you're done using it you can either rinse and roll or put it into a baggie and roll it up and put it into it's little compact tube and throw it back in your purse.

When would you actually use it? Well I can think of plenty of times when I would use my Go Girl. Camping. Fishing. Road trips. Those nasty bathrooms you know haven't been cleaned since 1974. The possibilities are endless. Plus the Go Girl comes in both pink and a tan color. So you get choices. As I said before...I only wish it came in kid sizes, because if you have kids you can likely think of at least ten other times you might use this.

Get your Go Girl and other sex toys at Babeland.com.

Thank you Babeland for letting me review the Go Girl for you.

Blah, blah, blah...BULLSHIT

2010-02-23T16:27:00.004-06:00

Oh sorry, I may feel a rant coming on here. I know, I know...where the hell are the reviews Alley? Well, geeze people give me a moment. I will have a new review or two up by tonight...YAY. Anywho...this blog isn't just about reviews...I have a life too (kinda).

Well, I love Facebook, but good heavens people...

QUIT BITCHING 24/7

I don't care that you haven't slept in two weeks because your child is teething. Been there. Done that. Get the hell over it.

I don't care if your husband won't help with the dishes. Lots of women do dishes all by themselves. Get the hell over it. Oh and if he notices that you spend 12 hours a day on FB bitching about him and he chooses to leave you...it's your own damn fault you idiot.

Gosh people. Aren't we just a wee bit selfish.

I haven't slept in months...sick kids, sick me and my stupid hospitalizations. I have been poked and prodded to Georgia and back. My hair is falling out, I was diagnosed as postmenopausal...blah blah blah. Who the hell really cares.
*Ok, well I care about that stuff, but that isn't the point of this rant*

I really wish people would make a concentrated effort to SMILE. Just once a day. That's all. Just a smile.

On a wonderful up note I had a fun experience online with J today. Hehehe. It was totally innocent until he decided I needed an orgasm. Um...ok? I will take it when I can get it. Plus he should be home soon so let the doors be ready to be locked for a long time!!!

I am demanding at least 48 hours child free. After that I will go back to being Mommy by day and sex toy by...well, whenever J wants. :) I have some restraints that need some SERIOUS attention.

When the hell did I get so FUCKING busy???

2010-02-22T23:14:00.003-06:00

Oh. My. Word. When the hell did I get so damn busy? I feel like it has been the week or two from hell. Doctors appointments, more flippin' snow days (because 1/8 of an inch of snow means we can't leave the house, right?), sick kids, lots of reviews, preparing for J to come home, and who know what the hell else. Oh wait. The mother~in~law moved in too.

So about those Doctor's appointments...

Yeah, well it appears I have Alopecia. Yeah. No shit. But the good news is that it can be managed easily. Well, that's more like it. I ended up buying a fall because I couldn't take looking at my nasty scraggly hair any longer, so I covered that shit with a headband fall. So I have a special medication I use daily for a month then twice a month for...well...forever really. Awesome. Just what I needed.

So let's recap shall we. In October I was put in the ER because of H1N1, then I was admitted for a high heart rate and was told I have SVT. Super. So then my doctor decided I am not depressed or crazy, but I have PMDD. OB/GYN treats that with NuvaRing even though I told him I was allergic to Estrodile. NuvaRing makes my hair fall out. Not a little. Over 3/4 of my fucking hair fell out of my head. Why? Because I am fucking allergic to Estrodile. Stupid Dr. My scalp swelled up and my hair fell out. Then blood tests come back saying I am post menopausal. OB/GYN says that isn't possible. Well, test results beg to differ. Ugh...I am just so over all this shit.

Aslan Silicone Ball Gag

2010-02-16T21:27:00.003-06:00

The Aslan Silicone Ball Gag is your basic ball gag. The round ball is connected to a head piece to allow the gag to be held in place. I was sure, and I mean sure the ball would be way too big for my mouth, but I was delighted to find that this is actually not a large ball. At damn near two inches thick, it didn't actually feel that large to me. It is made of silicone, but I will say it had a very rubbery smell to it when it was brand new. After washing the gag thoroughly the smell dissipated. The silicone is pliable enough to bite comfortably into, and yet it silences yelps and what ever the hell other odd sounds you may make along the way. What's really cool? You can boil this ball to sterilize it. I just thought that was a great thing to have if you have multiple play partners.

The head harness is totally leather, and a great quality of leather at that. the middle piece slides through the ball and snaps to itself around two D rings. Why do I like this feature? Well I have asthma and this offers a really great quick release for emergency situations we may run into (very important for someone like me).

The two D rings are each on their own piece of well crafted leather. One piece has a buckle on the other end and the other has multiple holes allowing for a multitude of sizing options. This is awesome if you plan to use this on different partners or share between yourself and your partner. Another wonderful feature of the buckle system is that it holds much better than velcro or just an elastic band. Honestly, I prefer the buckles because of the hair issue (I hate having velcro stick to it).

Note: The ball gag will fit heads between (loosely) 16 inches to 23 inches. I say loosely because once the leather conforms to the head you may notice some slipping, and unfortunately you can't tighten it anymore than it is.

In Use:

I have to say...it holds up quite well. For me anyway. The leather may stretch some, so I am not sure that it will hold up over years of use, but hey...you can replace the straps if needed. There was some discomfort to having the ball in my mouth, but for me that is a good thing (I am not really aiming for comfort here). I do think this may be more comfortable if you aren't petite like me, I have a really small mouth. After a while my jaws hurt unbelievably, but again, I am not going for comfort. The straps on these usually give me a slight headache, but I didn't have any issues because of added pressure. The leather stretched to fit my head and stayed in place very well.

This might be a good first ball gag given the quick release and pliability of the silicone ball, but it is certainly sturdy enough for even the most experienced players. Thrashing, crying, moving and whatever else you can imagine one might do to get the hell away from a sadist didn't destroy this gag as it has others. I never once bit through it, in fact I didn't even manage to leave a friggin' dent in the damn ball. Overall I am very impressed with this gag, and it holds itself up to the reputation that precedes Aslan in other toys.

PS...you can't use a safe word when you are gagged, you may want to come up with a signal if you use them :)

Happy play time!

Pick up your Ball Gag at Babeland today ;)

Thank you to Babeland.com for allowing me to review this toy.

Figures

2010-02-13T22:33:00.002-06:00

So, I am behind in reviews...well ok, not really. I am good as long as I am sure to get the sponsored reviews out first and foremost. But see, I am doing this video review that should have been up yesterday, but I have fucked the editing up massively and I am all frazzled. I deleted an entire section then saved it. After I was like...yeah, no shit that would happen. So I am redoing the whole damn thing tomorrow and hopefully it will be done and over with.

formspring.me

2010-02-12T18:10:00.002-06:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/JsCuriousAlley

So, I just got this and thought I would add it to my blog so you can ask me anything. You can tell me your name or just put in a question. I am a pretty open book, plus it is fun to get to know one another.

Plus, whadda y'all think of the new blog layout??

Blood Play

2010-02-11T19:09:00.001-06:00

Ok, maybe not because that is SO GROSS. But...I did get my period today, which means I am bleeding like a stuck pig and have gawd awful cramps to go with it.

So, I was just standing there minding my own business when it happened. GUSH. Seriously. I wanted to die. Right through a tampon, a menstrual cup, and a pad. No shit. Really. I had only taken precautions earlier (two hours earlier) just in case by body failed me like it has so many times before. Yup. It happened again. Nice.

Orchid G + Smart Girl's Guide...

2010-02-09T17:40:00.005-06:00

I had the chance to review the Orchid G and the Smart Girl's Guide to the G-Spot. My overall view was great. I loved the information and the opportunity to test out that given information.

The book:

Honestly, I have read better. I was bored most of the time and felt as though I was reading my own personal owner's manual. The Smart Girl's Guide to the G-Spot is an informative book that walks you through the female body and explains the ins, outs, whys, and wheres of the g-spot and various other parts of our anatomy. Unfortunately, I am familiar with all this and was bored almost instantly. I felt more compelled to do some self exploration than try to actually learn anything from the book. It isn't that I am a 7 year old, but some color or photos or something to keep my attention would have made this book feel a little less like a text book for women (or men, whatever).

Don't get me wrong there is plenty of great information in the book. Information that can lead to wonderful orgasms via your g-spot. I just couldn't really absorb that information because of the actual delivery. That is most likely me though.

I would recommend this to anyone (male or female) who is interested in the g-spot and is uneducated in the location and workings of it. She covers the location and what it is and how it works. If you are not well versed in the art of hitting your g-spot this book can certainly cover that for you. I would just suggest reading the whole book through first, then playing, otherwise you are likely to never return to the book.

The Orchid:

This is a beautifully packaged set. You get the book to learn and a tool to practice with. Honestly the orchid with its thin shaft and bulbous head offers some of the best g-spot stimulation I have ever felt. The bulbous design of the head allows you to rub the g-spot or thrust with no pain. The vibrations are deep and forceful when they are on high. For once there is a vibrator that can be felt internally. The stiffness of the vibrator allowed for great internal stimulation and wonderful clitoral orgasms.

The Orchid is plastic and slick, so minimal lubricant is needed for use. The noise could possibly be an issue if you have roommates, but is not a major concern if used under sheets and behind closed doors. It's also waterproof, so if you want to learn to hit the spot in the shower...feel free. I am not a huge fan of playing in the tub, personally.

The Orchid is controlled by a simple turn style on the base of the vibrator. This makes for really easy changing of speeds and allows a smooth transition between different speeds. The Orchid operates on two AA batteries, I do recommend removing them between uses to allow the batteries to last longer. Once the power seems to be lacking the batteries do need to be changed.

Thanks to Babeland.com for allowing me to review this toy.

Hairloss and my sex life?

2010-02-07T10:24:00.003-06:00

So if you happen to have read on my other blog you will know by now I was diagnosed with Alopecia (a condition that causes random to total, in my case total, hairloss). The catalyst for the Alopecia is unknown, which is really sickening to me. But what is my most recent concern? My sex life.

Why? Well I know J says he will still love me, and I don't doubt that, but I also know that he likes long hair. It kills me to think that when he comes home I may have, no...most likely will have no hair left on my head. I know he loves me, but what will he think of me? Will he be in shock, will he not mind at all, truly not mind? Will it be unattractive to him? I really believe these are valid concerns of a married woman.

*Sigh*

If you want to see what all is happening and how it all goes you can follow here.

Passion Flower G

2010-02-07T00:18:00.004-06:00

I have thought long and hard on how to write this particular review...so here you have it:

What is that thing?
It is the Passion Flower G made by California Exotics, a vibrator made for women. The end curves to hit the g-spot while the two nubs are located to offer not only clitoral stimulation, but some anal stimulation as well. It is made of TPE which can be cleaned with a toy cleaner and warm water or a quick rub down with alcohol (no, not the kind you drink), and it can be used with either silicone or water based lubricants. It is only 1 inch wide and is about 3 3/4 inches long, so it is a relatively small toy. There is a bullet located at the base with a push button control with one vibration setting. The flower part of the toy is meant to be added stimulation, because let's face it, some women need clitoral stimulation to reach an orgasm.

How well does it work?
Well...that is where it gets a bit tricky. First off, I think the stem that is meant for vaginal insertion greatly resembles ET's finger, which to me is kind of gross (but hey, no judgments here). The stem part fails to hit my g-spot, but we are all different. The biggest issue though is the material, because it is so pliable that it doesn't carry the vibrations well at all, and is too soft to even begin to offer g-spot stimulation {for me}. Basically it was like being finger fucked by a 15 year old boy who just wants to hit a home run; you can feel it, but it isn't all that interesting.

The flower...oh my. The clitoral stimulator doesn't do too much for me, but I can imagine that some women might really enjoy this. It does vibrate fast and it is soft enough that no real discomfort is actually possible. But, if you need pressure you are SOL. The anal stimulator...haha...no. It does nothing, nada, zip, zilch. I felt nothing, I didn't even realize it was there. I would be more specific, but really, I felt nothing at all. The petals vibrate some, so if you like having your labia played with this can be a benefit for you.

I don't like anal play...
Don't worry, this feature didn't work. There, feel better now?

Can I share this toy?
Sure, with a toy cover...I would recommend a condom, but I am not sure they run this small. The upside? If you are new to toys this won't be too large for your first one :)

What did you like the least? The most?
Well, I liked the overall concept, and if you like toys like this, well great! It is wonderful to have a triple stimulation toy on hand (if it works). But, I don't care much for TPE because if you have pubic hair it will catch, stick and tug. That is so not sexy at all and can ruin a toy for you. Also, it had little slits for straps, I was all cool, it has straps, but then it didn't. Then I was all you have to buy straps separate, well that's stupid. If you are going to make a strap on vibrator for women, put a set of straps in the box please, it's just rude not to.

Overall this would be a nice toy if it came with straps, was silicone (for the stiffness), and reached any of the spots it was supposed to. I was really disappointed, but in my opinion vibes like these often fall short.

This toy was provided by California Exotics

And the winner is...

2010-01-31T23:52:00.002-06:00

Comment #9

Comment #9 was made by:

Cinnamon!!!!

Congratulations Cinnamon!!!

Send me your address and I will get your new toy out to you right away!!!

jscuriousalley {at} yahoo {dot} com

Onye Fleur

2010-01-30T10:16:00.002-06:00

The Onye Fleur is basically a bullet on steroids. Seriously. One look and you can tell it is a bullet design right down to the push button at the end. Around the center of the vibrator is a silicone grip to hold onto, which I really like. At 4.5 inches this vibrator is a powerful addition to any toy box.

This toy uses three AAA batteries, which made me just roll my eyes. Generally speaking AAA batteries offer no real power, so I was not thrilled. BUT...then I turned it on. Holy shit! At the lowest setting I was shocked. Once I upped the power level I was in awe. This little motor packs a real punch! The highest setting is loud. More of a buzzy vibration than a rumbly. I loved it. Why? Since it is designed like a bullet I used it like one, but The Onye Fleur offers more coverage area and so I was able to use it and add the pressure I needed to reach my orgasm. I wouldn't say this will be my go to toy, but it is amazing for foreplay :) If you are super sensitive this may really rock your world.

The Onye Fleur is really easy to clean. Since it is a clitoral vibe, although you can insert it if you would like (vaginally not anally), and it is plastic some water and toy cleaner will keep it nice. You can also use toy wipes, alcohol, and a 10% bleach solution on it. It is nonporous so the clean up and sharing issue is isn't a huge one (I do recommend sharing only with people you are fluid bonded with, though). The Onye Fleur is not waterproof, so take care when cleaning not to get water into it.

Also, batteries (especially 3 at a time) can be costly, so remove them when you are not using your toys.

Sum it all up?

Ok. This is a wonderful vibe. It is small, powerful, and pretty. But...it is not quiet, people will hear it. You will need privacy. If you have the privacy and love pretty looking toys, this should be added to your toy box, really. The grip spot is wonderful as it will not slip out of your hands.

The Onye Fleur comes in red and purple, mine is purple...but secretly I like the red better. Head on over to Babeland today to pick yours up.

Thank you to Babeland for allowing me to review this toy.

Pleasurists #62

2010-01-26T22:40:00.001-06:00

via MUSE

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #61? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #63? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then you can use our submission form and submit it before Sunday January 31st at 11:59pm PST.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Em and Lo Book Contest Deadline: January 29th.

EZ Bend Vibrator Giveaway Deadline: January 31st @ 6pm Central.

V-Day Cards Deadline: January 31st.

Glassvibrations – a Contest Deadline: January 31st.

Evolved Vibrator Giveaway! Deadline: February 1st.

Cupid’s Fun Factory Contest Deadline: February 10th @ 11:59pm.

Looking for something other than reviews?

e[lust] #5

Editor’s Pick

Fun Factory Flexi Felix by Dr. Ruthie

Note: I really enjoy Dr. Ruthie’s reviews and also think she is absolutely adorable. I think this one is wonderful, especially as an anal review since she talks a lot about uses of anal beads as well as safety and the toy itself. There is also a written component to this review if you click on the link above.

Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

LELO Mona by Laurel

LELO Mia by Toy With Me

Je Joue Gi-Ki by Laurel

I Rub My Duckie Bondage by Undressed Reviews

LELO Iris and Gigi by Joanna Cake

Thrusting Jack Rabbit by Melen’s Rayne

Fly Micro Vibe by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew

LELO Iris by Amber from Scarlet’s Letter

Close2You Opus by EffinSara

Cloud 9 by EffinSara

Thrusting Jack Rabbit by Cinnamon

Je Joue Gi-Ki by Bad Bad Girl

Vibrating Panties by Bad Bad Girl

Jimmyjane Iconic Pocket by Amber from Scarlet’s Letter

OhMiBod Freestyle by Pretty Power Tools

LELO Ina by Saraid

Spellbound Stud Curved Jack by Mistress Kay

Onye Fleur by CarrieAnn

iTap Egg by CarrieAnn

Wisper Mistery by Kristi

LELO Mona by Sammi

Silicone Flexi Power Rod by Red

Triple Treat Rabbit by Sammi

Evolved Symphony Opus by Kateanon

Evolved Citron by Pretty Power Tools

Velvet Purple Pill by LikeSunshineDust

Dildos

LELO Ella by Mistress Kay

Don Wands Nubby Fat Head by Ginger Leigh

LELO Ella by Dani Darling

Tantus Compact by EffinSara

Rainbow Nubby by Lithaewyn

Anal Toys

Luxotiq Metal Plug by Sammi

Luxotiq Glass Plug by Saraid

Bootie by Profligacy

Toys for Cocks

Gear Essentials Titan by Hubman and Veronica

LELO Bo by Amber from Scarlet’s Letter

Boss Cock’s Pleasure Ring by Mistress Kay

Wave Rider Cock Ring by Sammi

LELO Bo by Kateanon

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

Astroglide Shooters by Undressed Reviews

Intimate Organics Aromatherapy Massage Oil by Saraid

Intimate Organics Relaxing Massage Oil by Red

Hathor Aphrodisia by Domina Doll

BDSM/Fetish

Lavish Nipple Clamps by Cinnamon

Zeus Deluxe Digital Power box by Bad Bad Girl

Superstrap Ankle Cuffs by Melen’s Rayne

Fulfill-a-fantasy Suede Flogger by Mistress Kay

Six Vaginal Electrodes by Sweet Tart

Nipple Clamps by Domina Doll

Adult Books

The Human Pony by Cinnamon

Moregasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex by Dani Darling

Moregasm by Alley

The New Topping Book by Domina Doll

Adult Movies/Porn

Nina Hartley’s Guide to Erotic Bondage by Domina Doll

Midori’s Expert Guide to Sensual Bondage by Lexi B.

Real Lesbian Sex: Jay & Pike by The Porn Librarian

Vengence by FrzKey

Riot Grrrls by J.D. Bauchery

Straight Guys for Gay Eyes – Bo Dean by The Porn Librarian

Princess Kali – Domme In Training by FrzKey

Sex Furniture

Liberator Memory Foam Body Pillow by Beautiful Dreamer

Storage

Tunti Illuminating Toybox by Domina Doll

Tunti Toybox by Mistress Kay

Miscellaneous

Teneo Uno and Duo by Beautiful Dreamer

Portable Pink Dancing Kit by Beautiful Dreamer

Ophoria K-Balls by CarrieAnn

Sour apples and some sweet fun

2010-01-24T01:01:00.010-06:00

I had a great chance to review a super cute gift pack, the Sex Tarts Kit in green apple flavor. This kit includes a small squeeze tube, think hand lotion tube, of green apple (fizzy even) lubricant, a g-spot vibrator, and a set of duo-tone balls all bundled in a cute little plastic package that has a string on top (see photo) to hang it up with.

G-spot vibe:

Ok, so I love my g-spot vibrator. It is the Slimline G (mine is green of course). The vibrator is a total of 8 inches long, 7 of those are insertable. The tip curves to hit the g-spot, and it is about 1.5 inches in diameter at its widest point, although the shaft is about 1/2 inch wide. So basically this toy is meant only as a g-spot vibe. If you love to be filled this will not be your toy. Also, if you need discretion, this is not for you; the strong vibes are matched in loud noise.

If you are new to g-spot play this may actually be a great starter vibrator. The thickness of the bulged tip offers good pressure to the g-spot, and makes finding it all kinds of easy. Plus, the multi-speed function is on a turn dial at the base so that the speeds just roll into one another, making finding your right speed very easy. The slimline vibe is made of plastic, so it is body safe and can be cleaned easily. Just clean with a toy cleaner or wipe it down with some alcohol and you are set to go.

Now, this is a vibrator and there is no mistaking that, so don't leave it out if you are easily embarrassed. It takes two AA batteries, and the motor is actually fairly decent. I was sure it wouldn't be very strong, but I was wrong in my assumptions. The downside is that it feels like the motor is in the shaft, so your hand will get that numb-y feeling from the vibrations. Ooh, ooh...the vibrator is waterproof too. So if you are looking to try female ejaculation, you can try in the shower for faster clean up!!!

Duo-Tone Balls:

I don't know where to begin here...

Let's begin with the material, because that is what I first noticed. The material is plastic with, what feels like, a rubber-cote or TPR coating. It's not very ideal for easy insertion. I like my vaginal exercisers to be smooth and not need lubrication because I prefer to be able to hold them in without added lubricants fighting against me. This was my first issue.

Second. Size. They are huge, way to long for me. I am small, think Oompa Loompa. I am 4'11" and these were relatively painful to wear. The balls are connected with plastic in the middle which added to my difficulty wearing them, so keep this in mind if you are smaller like me. They may be too long to wear comfortably and you may need a set connected by a string or not connected at all (I prefer the latter, personally).

Ok, what the hell are they? A vaginal exerciser. You pop 'em in and hold them there using your PC muscles. This set is connected as I mentioned, and inside each ball is another ball that rattles around and stimulates (in theory) your vaginal walls. I have never been stimulated by any vaginal ball, so I cannot attest to that claim well (unfortunately). I can say I did feel these for the 45 seconds they would stay in at a time. There is also a cord attached to make removal easier on the person wearing the balls...it's really no different than a tampon string as far as feeling it goes.

To clean these all I can recommend is washing them in warm water with a good toy cleaner. You cannot boil them because of the plastic and I am not sure you can wipe alcohol on them...I will have to update you on that when I learn the exact material the balls are made up of.

Lubricant:

Ok, so...here is my only real issue with this item:
"Sugar free"
Yet...it contains sucralose, the stuff used to make Splenda, which is derived from sugar itself. Apparently you can label items as sugar free if under a certain amount is to be consumed as serving...being that this is a lubricant you shouldn't be eating it, so that works...technically.

However, on a "I am going to shove this into my vagina" note, the sucralose can have the same undesirable affects as sugar (i.e. yeast infections). Umm, yuck. So I don't recommend this for vaginal use unless you like to itch, burn, and stuff Monistat inside your lady parts. If you don't get a yeast infection easily, you can just ignore my little rant-y issues. I am a bit of a lube snob, so sorry.

Ok, now I did use this vaginally just to test for reviewing (and immediately showered and cleaned off...plus I have a Diflucan pill on standby). It did work well, but I found it to be watery, and so it dried up kind of fast for my liking. I ended up using something else entirely because I don't like to re-lubricate my toys during use. When I say it dried up fast, I mean within like three minutes fast.

I don't really care for green apple (although the taste wasn't so bad to me) so I took this to a friend and had her try it. She liked the flavor, so there you have it, the flavor of the lubricant was excellent. This would be good for giving head or a hand job (I do think you would have to go through a lot for a hand job though, so consider carefully). To be totally honest this lubricant reminds me of something a fifteen year old high school couple would buy just because it is cute, but as a full blown personal lubricant it doesn't quite cut it. Since it is water based it washed off very easily.

Would I recommend this kit?

Yes and no. Yes because of the vibrator; it is just yummy. I would recommend that vibe to anyone who wants a good g-spot stimulator. I don't recommend the lubricant for various reasons, but main ones are the ingredients which include parabens. I would recommend the duotone balls to anyone who believes their body type would be a good match for them; unfortunately vaginal exercisers are a hit or miss kind of thing, so you just have to try them out for yourself.

Soulgasms (Babeland's Moregasm review)

2010-01-21T21:12:00.008-06:00

I had the outrageously wonderful opportunity to review Babeland's new book "Moregasm." When I first got the book I was skeptical about whether or not the book would actually offer good advise. I was wrong for being skeptical {I will never say that again, so shut the hell up}. "Moreg asm" is the sex book to end all sex books, seriously. I will explain my reasoning soon enough for my love of this book, but first I want to cover what this book has to offer as far as advise and what sections are in the book.

How well do you know your body? Think again. You don't. Not at all. "Moregasm" goes into detail about your body as well as your lovers body. You will learn the ins, the outs, and what works where, how and why. I am appalled at what I was so unaware of regarding my own body as a woman. The book offered up body information as well as ways to make different parts of your body feel amazing.

Other sections:

Masturbation & Toys
Getting Off: By hand, by mouth
Doing the Deed
A lifetime of good sex

So basically here is a rundown of what you will learn {assuming you actually *read* the book rather than peruse the photos}. You will be told about toys, they different types and why you may want to use them and how they work {ish...they didn't go into total detail}. You will learn {basic} techniques for sex, including, but not limited to anal sex, rimming, oral sex, positions, and much more. What's more? They give recommendations for different toys...umm hello, sex toy shopping made easy {unless you're me and you own those toys so you then have to hunt down something better, but there is nothing better because you own all the kickass toys out there}. There is even a BDSM section...hell yes! Ok, well it isn't great place for crazy info like some of us want, but hey, not everyone is into pain play, ya' know? I am very glad to see this included as a way to spice up your playtime though.

The book then goes on to discuss safer sex. Topics include STIs, safety during sex {all types, not just vaginal}, birth control, and product recommendations for having safer sex. This section is followed by a Q & A section with some questions like "what about douching?" "Can I put a condom on a zucchini?" And my favorite "I really like anal play. My boyfriend started off using his fingers, then I got into butt plugs, and now we have anal sex regularly. Will I be in adult diapers by the time I hit fifty?" These are real questions from real people...GREAT!!! Umm, I am so not telling you the answers, you've got to buy the book for that :)

Ok, so on to why I love this book so much...

Well, I must begin with the fact that I do not believe the techniques offered here will bring you mind-blowing sex as the book claims {unless of course you are undeniably boring before reading it}. The techniques are basic with the exception to a few. The reason I love this book so much is because the whole first section focuses on YOU. The reader. You need to know yourself and what you like to have mind-blowing sex. I love that this book is so positive, and they want you to have a positive self image. The positive self image and the anatomy area of the book could easily be given to a teen and used as a sexual eduction resource. I wish I had been given the whole first section of "Moregasm" when I was in high school. I would have felt better about me, and I would have treated myself better than I did. This is a great resource book, honestly. While you may not get mind-blowing sex ideas from it, you will learn about yourself. For instance, I have learned that I do not have the perfect body according to society, but according to my husband I am amazing.

Honestly, I recommend everyone to have a copy of this book. I know for sure I will be sending my best friend who hates her body a copy. She deserves to love herself.

Oh, and one more thing...
The photos. They are real people. Not some perfect size double zero model, real. Like you and me. They look like people you would pass on the street.

Thank you so much Babeland for allowing me to review "Moregasm" :)

Love your body please

2010-01-20T19:52:00.003-06:00

So, seven years ago I was a size zero with B cup boobs, thick legs (which I thought were totally sexy) and long thick dark hair. I looked as Latin as my genetic roots are. I am of an American-Italian decent, so I really portrayed that well. And I loved my body, I felt good. I always wished I had bigger breasts, but hey, that could be done, right? Then I met J.

Well, I got pregnant and my body was shot to hell. I was underweight at a whopping 98lbs, so I gained a ton of weight. I looked like a fucking whale, and NOT a cute one. When I had my daughter I lost 90% of the weight, but not all of it. I was devastated. I knew that would happen, but it hurt me to look at my new "mommy" body. After a ton of working out and dedication (thank you USMC for giving me the strength to do that one), I was at a place where I was happy with my body. J was deployed and he came home to my new body. Then, he got my new body pregnant. Again. Ugh...

I had my second daughter and never really could lose all the weight due to several medical issues after giving birth. Four years later I was finally happy with my body again. Thank God for that. Then I got sick...FUCK ME. I began to gain weight because of medications and hormones...here we go again. I am still not happy with my body to the fullest extent (in part due to Alopecia, so now I have a belly and I am going bald...fucking awesome), but I have made a decision.

I am going to look at one part of my body and love it for a month. I started with my breasts...I nursed one child, they grew, and they aren't all saggy, so damn it I will love my breasts. I stand in front of the mirror, and as I cringe at my belly or my ass, I look at my breasts and say..."well, at least you two look good." Then I walk away. I am working on the parts I don't like, but I will learn to love the ones I cannot change.

Why am I writing this? Because so many girls and women hate their bodies. I vote we all ban together and vow to learn to love what we have. Nothing is more powerful than self love. They say you will never really love anyone until you learn to love yourself first. So let's all do that, learn to love ourselves first. Then we can pass this amazing knowledge onto our daughters. And they can pass it onto their daughters, and so on and so forth. I know most women know all this, but I am suggesting we all try to do it together, as a group. When you have a support group you are more likely to commit and see through that commitment.

I may never learn to love every part of my body, but maybe I can learn to be ok with it. To all of you who have mastered this:

You are my heroes!!!

Pleasurists #61

2010-01-19T22:18:00.001-06:00

by Gene Magic

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #60? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #62? Use our submission form and submit it before Sunday January 24th at 11:59pm PST. Be sure to read our submission guidelines.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Giftcard Giveaway! Deadline: January 22nd.

A Tickler of Your Choice! Deadline: January 24th @ 10pm Pacific.

Mona? Mona! Deadline: January 25th @ 11:59 Eastern.

EZ Bend Vibrator Giveaway Deadline: January 31st @ 6pm Central.

Evolved Vibrator Giveaway! Deadline: February 1st.

Cupid’s Fun Factory Contest Deadline: February 10th @ 11:59pm.

Looking for something other than reviews?

e[lust] #5

Editor’s Pick

Basic Essentials Softee by Undressed Reviews

Marketing Guy 1:

What do chicks love?

Marketing Guy 2:

My Dick!

MG 1 & 2:

WOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHH!

MG 1:

No seriously, though…they love pink…and….and….

MG 2:

My Dick!

Note: Seriously hilarious. If you like your reviews with a side of comedy and snark like I do this one is fantastic and may occasionally have you wondering wtf.

Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

LELO Ina by Amber from Scarlet’s Letter

Thrusting Jack Rabbit by True Pleasures

Chester Cheeky by Ginger Leigh

Impulse 5 Hypersonic Wand by Joan Price

Tongue Joy Turbo Pack by Red

Power Breeze Bullet by Joan Price

Wahl by Epiphora

Sweet Stimulator by Mistress Kay

LELO Gigi by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew

MyPleasure Cosmetic Kit by Mistress Kay

Lovemoiselle Cecile by Wilhelmina Wang

Tantus Delta by namelesschaos

JeJoue Gi-ki by Saraid

She Devil by Sundae

The Cone by Kristy

Dildos

Fun Factory Wave by Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

Anal Toys

Pop Plug Large by Darling Dove

Crystal Chic Wand by Dr. Ruthie

Toys for Cocks

Support Plus Extended Ring Head Exciter by Alley

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

Pink water by Sarahbear

AfterGlow Wipes by Scintillectual

Afterglow Wipes by Cinnamon

Body Essentials Kit by Beautiful Dreamer

Pjur Med Clean Spray by Sexorcism

BDSM/Fetish

Behind the Back Restraints by Cinnamon

Hog Tie Set by Sammi

Doc Johnson Bondage Rope by Mistress Kay

Leather Paddle with Fleece by Mistress Kay

Teddy Bear Spank-Her by Mistress Kay

Adjustable Spreader Bar by J’s Alley

Adult Books

Moregasm by Undressed Reviews

Carrie’s Story by Mistress Kay

Adult Movies/Porn

Girls Make Love by Garnet Joyce

Women Seeking Women: Volume 50 by Thursday’s Child

Roulette Dirty South by J.D. Bauchery

Sun Valley Bareback by FrzKey

Collin O’Neal’s World Of Men – Colombia by The Porn Librarian

Hustlers Untrue Hollywood Stories Lindsay Lohan by J.D. Bauchery

Foxy Nudes by FrzKey

Sex Furniture

Fetish Fantasy Mini Position Master by True Pleasures

Storage

For Your Nymphomation Adult Toybox by Kaijah

Yummy Win

2010-01-18T00:16:00.003-06:00

Ok, so I am having a Mommy moment here. I did post this on my other blog, along with the recipe if anyone wants it, but I neededto post it here too. I am just so freaking proud of my to die for truffles that I made. I plan to make them for Valentine's day for my kids' classes, but I needed a test run first so I didn't fuck them up completely. Because, that would suck. Ok, I won't bore you with Vanilla type crap anymore tonight. I am going to have a truffle and light my candle and have a glass of wine, oh wait...I have no wine...damn it all. Ok, well 2 outta three isn't too bad.

Thanks Cupid

2010-01-17T12:24:00.003-06:00

YAY!!! SoI got my candle today from Cupid. Aww, he is so very wonderful. Basically Cupid loved my Valentine plans so much that he sent me a pheromone candle that I can use for Valentine's day for me and J. Eek!!! Look for a review to be posted soon :)

EZ Bend Vibe Giveaway

2010-01-12T19:37:00.008-06:00

So, I have made my decision. I am giving away a toy that was purchased and sent to my by a friend. She was kind enough to buy me a small toy to offer up on my blog {after she listened to me whine and cry about not having anything to giveaway}.

So I received a Cal Exotics EZ Bend Gems vibrator...and now...you can have it!!! 6.5 inches of vibrating multi-positional fun!!!

How can I enter?!?!

There are multiple ways to win this contest, but first and foremost:

{1} You must follow my site or subscribe to my feed (either RSS or via Email...I don't care, but leave a comment letting me know)

{2} Comment and let me know why you want this toy

{3} Follow me on Twitter. You can tweet about this contest for up to five extra entries, but you must be sure to include #rcezbend and @jscuriousalley in your tweet!!!

{4} Put a link on your blog leading to mine and you will get an extra entry, be sure to leave me a comment and let me know you did so!!!

Deadline is January 31st at 6pm CST

Winner will be chosen at random

Just....no

2010-01-10T13:29:00.005-06:00

Ok, so I have mulled over this review long enough. I have tried everything I can think of to enjoy my latest toy from California Exotics. The nice people at Cal Exotics sent me the Support Plus Extended Ring Head Exciter for a Sexpert review.

Let me tell you, when I opened the box and saw the toy my head fell as I shook it. This is not the type of toy J and I would ever {even in a million years} would purchase, so I was beyond lost. I am well aware of my natural aversion to these toy types. I put all my preconceived thoughts aside as I opened the box and washed of the toy. The first issue I had with the Exciter was the material {TPR}. As great as TPR can be, let's be honest...it sucks if you have any form of pubic hair. TPR is sticky, and sticky pulls out hair OUCH.

A few notes on the toy itself in case you may be wondering.

There are two half circles in the base that are made of steel {I am guessing they kind of act like a cock ring}. I would have liked a whole ring, but that is just me.

There are three steel pleasure nubs in the TPR on the shaft {I got no enjoyment from them because of the TPR sticking to me}. These are pronounced enough that {with enough lube} they should offer enjoyment though.

TPR ~ You can use either water based or silicone based lubricants with this material.
The width is about 1.5 inches...I got mine stretched over 3 inches {you wish boys...you wish}

So, I tried this in multiple ways...including as a pleasure sleeve on some toys...no. Just no. When there was a ton of lube on the toy I was able to enjoy it for a few seconds, but that never lasted long before hairs were torn out. I really tried to have J try it, but he just laughed and said "you've lost your fucking mind." Well, that wasn't very nice, now was it? Apparently my screams and yelps of agony were enough to deter him from being remotely willing to help with the review at all. I suppose with some lube a man could slip this on, but then I would worry about it slipping off, or even being able to get it off without pain.

I am truly sorry I wasn't able to provide a better response to this toy {and if I run across other reviews of it I will certainly post them as links...Sexperts only though}. I would normally offer up a "this toy would be better if..." but I just can't think of anything that could improve this particular design for me... :(

Thank you California Exotics for allowing me to review this toy!

New progress

2010-01-08T23:13:00.002-06:00

Just a quick teaser to a new review y'all should be seeing soon :) So, where the hell have I been? Ok, let's begin with the last minute call from Daddy saying we had tickets to SoCal {home to me} for the holidays. Then I am on a plane. But oh wait! TSA managed to DROP my laptop. After I was done screaming at the guy I grabbed my laptop and boarded my plane. Now I am on a plane. Then I am in Cali with family and my very best friend on earth is getting married! Squee!!! I helped plan a wedding, drank way too much wine on several occasions, convinced best friend's fiance to fix said laptop, saw several family melt downs, and began speaking to my sister again because we both agree Daddy's an ass. All in all, a very bust few weeks. Oh, and I saw a long lost friend who caught her hubby in an affair and was too embarrassed to tell us.

Busy, busy, busy. Then we came back to hell {Tennessee to everyone else}. School was canceled due to slush {they think it is snow}. I can't look for a job while the kids are in my house people!!! School needs to resume. Now my life is back to boring, and I am kind of thankful for that. Oh, and everytime Tweetdeck goes off I reach to answer my phone. I am not in a happy place, but I am working on that. Sex toys won't give me the feeling I need, so I am back to scrapbooking. I have thrown myself into a huge project that I am stoked about! I am trying to get a scrap area together for me...possibly even set up my laptop and do photos for reviews there and all. I am really excited. I am even trying to come up with and idea for finishing the "Little Black Book" I started several years ago for J. Basically it is a book with photos of me for him. Now it will be a little "blue" book though because I bought a new album to put it in. Yay! If you want to you can follow my progress {J don't you even dare follow the book} you can do so HERE.

Sleek, sexy, pretty....yup, that's all

2010-01-06T22:11:00.010-06:00

Ok, so Eden Fantasys allowed me to review the Panache pure sophistication vibrator by Orion. I was so excited, I mean, it is pink, and shiny and it comes with a discreet box to store it in. Um, hello...of course I wanted one.

So a little background info to help you decide what you think of the style and size of the Panache. The Panache is made of plastic and can be used with all types of lubricants, and it can be cleaned with cleanser and warm water or by wiping it down with alcohol. It is 5.25 inches long and all but one of those are insertable. Now, this is a basic type of vibrator, just sleek and slim (only one inch thick)...although it is a bit short. The Panache is waterproof (tested and affirmed, thank you very much!), and has the classic turn style base to control the speed and function(s). I, however, would not say it is multispeed (that insinuates that you can change the speed and count how many speeds there are)...no...it is more like two speeds (high and low) and you can continuously escalate from low to high, and vice versa).

What's so cool about the Panache vibe? Oh, well for me that's super simple...the little storage box it comes with. Pink and shiny like the vibe, but it conceals your toy in plain sight with no sign that there is a sex toy in the room. The container looks amazing! As an added bonus the Panache came with a small storage bag as well. So I can just toss it in my bag and not have to carry the box.

So how was my experience with the Panache? Well, it seems as though discreet may have been done all too well. Rather than becoming a super cute go to toy I think of this more as a toy made for prudish type women who don't want to admit they like their vibrator. My main concern would be the lack of power to the vibrator. The Panache only requires one AA battery, and well, if that doesn't seem like a lot, it is because it isn't. A single AA battery just doesn't offer the "oomph" this vibe needs. The vibrations are a deep rumble with very little actual vibration moving through the vibrator. The highest setting is hardly a warm-up vibration, even for most first time toy users. The vibrations are concentrated in the tip of the vibe, which would be good for clitoral stimulation if they were just a little bit stronger. As for internal stimulation, well you can't possibly feel the vibes inside your body. I was totally unable to reach an orgasm, but I did enjoy using the vibrator. I have to admit, even with small rumbley vibrations this toy can be a good addition to a toy box.

I love the look, and the overall girly style of the toy. I do wish the vibrations were stronger, but hey, I can live with a warm-up toy too. I would totally recommend this vibrator to a girly girl who is looking for a nice warm-up or a toy that potentially takes all night to give you an orgasm. This isn't an amazing toy, but it certainly isn't a bad toy.

A clean glow

2009-12-14T05:46:00.005-06:00

So, ya know how when you want to use your toys you sometimes need to re-clean them? And doesn't it just suck to have to get up and clean off those toys right after you are done and all you want to do is sleep? Or maybe you have family or roommates and you just don't want to leave your room with an arm load of sex toys? You know what I really hate? When you're about to use a toy (and you're really into your session, whatever it is) and there is lint all over it and you have to get up and go rinse it off because there is no way you are using that fur covered toy in your body. I hate that.

So basically you're left with this nagging feeling and annoying voice telling you to take care of your toys, but you just want to curl up and stay cozy for a while. Ok, well we can solve that issue. Afterglow toy and body wipes claims that they do a great job cleaning toys after use. Well, I got the chance to find out for myself when Babeland sent me a pack of Afterglow wipes.

Packaging and wipe information ~

The Afterglow wipes came in a pack of 20. The 20 pack comes in a small plastic wrapper like regular pack of baby wipes, but smaller. Really, it is small enough to throw in your purse for an overnight trip or whatever. The pack is resealable to keep the tissues from drying out, so no worries there. Afterglow wipes clean using a disinfectant and an antibacterial formula. They are safe for your toys and for use on your body.

Please note that it is still recommended that you follow the manufacturer's recommended cleaning from time to time.

Use and performance ~

Ok, I will admit I was skeptical. I will also admit I was wrong. These wipes are great. They are odorless (well as odorless as you can expect a cleaner to be...smells like unscented baby wipes) and I love that. I would love to tell you what they taste like, but I am not eating a wipe in the name of reviewing...I can, however, tell you there is no after taste left on the toys. My toys were so clean I was willing to lick them for my review. See, I am dedicated to my readers.

I was able to get me, plus three toys clean all with one wipe. So cool. Umm, just a side note, clean you first then the toy. K? Thanks. Moving on. Afterglow wipes are surprisingly thick, I had no issues with tearing while taking one out or during use. My only complaint, and it is very minor to me, is that after I wipe the toys down they are sticky for a bit until the dry all the way. Now, this really isn't an issue because I used the wipes in an effort not to have to go to the sink, so leaving them there to dry was not a problem at all. The stickiness I noticed? Yeah, it doesn't do that on you (well at least not on me). I was actually clean. I mean, I felt clean...really clean. I liked the feeling. I am usually running off to clean up in the bathroom, but nope, not this time. It was awesome to know what guys feel like. You know, because they have the ability to just roll over and go to bed. HA! Now I can too. So take that!

Overall ~

I love the Afterglow Wipes. Really and truly. I may even spring for the 24 pack in the future. Did I mention that? No?

*Ok, well the 24 pack is a box of 24 individually wrapped wipes. Not exactly green, I know. But they are extremely convenient. You can take them with you anywhere. So I can slip a few into my purse and maybe even one into J's wallet (you know like teens to with condoms). I would leave some by the bed, and put a few into my make up case and my sex toy case. See? They're convenient.*

Back to my review. As I said I like these, a lot. They are convenient and they are body safe. I can use them in a multitude of ways, including cleaning up my kids if need be. Honestly, I can't think of a reason not to have a pack lying around the house.

Thank you to Bableland for sending me Afterglow Wipes to review.

Turbo 8 Indeed

2009-12-13T06:26:00.000-06:00

The wonderful folks at Tabu Toys were kind enough to send me a set of Turbo 8 Accelerator Vibro Bullets made by California Exotics for review. Ho hum...another set of Cal Exotics bullets. I was sure I had tried every set they made. Apparently not.

The Turbo 8 is big, and bulky looking. Not the world's most attractive double bullet set. Really, I took one look and cringed. It is huge, the remote resembles a television remote control. I am not kidding. The bullets are around two inches long and about an inch wide with the sleeve on them. Let's talk about those sleeves for a moment, shall we? The box claims they are silicone...umm, no, no they are not. TPR. That is what the sleeves are made of, not silicone. Yeah, maybe it is TPR silicone, but that is still not silicone. It cannot be sterilized, so don't boil them, they will like melt or, well I am not sure, but you shouldn't boil or bleach them. The bullets are made of plastic, so they can be wiped down with alcohol if you would like. This toy is not waterproof, so take care not to get the internal parts wet.

The bullets are connected to the remote by a cord about two feet long. This cord is not able to be removed for cleaning or anything though (unlike other corded bullets). Now, this toy runs on four (yes...4) AA batteries. Umm, yeah that is a lot of power for such a small type toy. The bullets have 8 different speeds...from high to damn near earth shaking (well, as close as a bullet can get to that, which is pretty damn close). This isn't a Hitachi or anything, but we're pushing the power limits here. The on/off switches are actually separate, so the left one controls the left bullet, and vice versa. Just click the up to turn that bullet on and to raise the level, and click the down to go down in speed and turn it off. Why do I think that is so cool? Well if you like level 3 but your partner likes level 6, you can each have your own bullet at your preferred level. Umm...genius much?

Performance during use ~

The Turbo 8 is amazing to say the least. The vibrations are strong, even on the lowest setting. Once you start turning the vibes up they are deep and strong. Unfortunately with that strength comes a high noise level. You will definitely need to be alone to use these (I mean no one around that you don't want to hear them). I was only capable of getting them to level three while using the bullet on my clitoris. I was able to use higher settings on other parts of my body (ie nipples, stomach and my legs), but that was more for testing purposes for me. As I said, the vibrations are crazy strong.

The spiky tickle sleeves were not my cup-o-tea. Uh-uh. Not. At. All. They hurt. Like that stingy feeling you get from being pricked with a needle. Now, this may just be me being way to sensitive and all, because I know there are people who really enjoy this type of feeling. That feeling was not for me, so I removed the sleeves. They are easy to put back on, just a drop of water based lube inside and they slide right on. I say water based lube because, while the Cal Exotics website says they are TPR, the box claims Silicone, so best not to run a chance. Use water based lube just to be safe. The bullets are silver plastic, and they are good with any lube you want...so have at it. There is a seam in the middle, a noticeable one, but it didn't bother me during use as these aren't really big at all.

I didn't attempt this anally, and I suggest you don't either since these are bullets and the strength of the wires only goes so far.

Overall ~

I really liked these bullets, they may just replace all other corded bullets I own. I would recommend them to anyone who likes power. I do wish they took less battery power, but you should be able to maintain the batteries by removing them between uses. I really am not sure this is the best toy for someone new to sex toys, but who would I be to judge, maybe it is a goal to reach, or perhaps you can come up with a new way to use it. Plus this is a great couples toy. Each partner can grab a bullet and set it to their specific setting that they like.

If you like a well made and even better thought out toy, this is your sex toy!

Thanks again to Tabu Toys for allowing me to review the Turbo 8.

Hey look...I blogged

2009-12-12T22:08:00.002-06:00

Well, I looked at my blog today, and I'll be damned if I didn't realize I have been so flippin' busy reviewing that I haven't been posting like a normal person. Really. Sheesh Alley, get with it.

So yeah. Lately I have been having more and more of those I need you and I miss you moments. See, I battle depression, well actually PMDD (or Bipolar...they can't tell because it follows my jacked up cycles). Unfortunately there isn't much they can do for PMDD other than birth control and maybe some meds that I won't get into because you'll look at me like, aww poor girl she's all messed up and her husband it half a world away. Yeah...not me.

So basically I have no hormones...yup you read that right. Very low testosterone, which is so cool, but I also have really low estrogen levels as well...yeah, that sucks. And every now and again my estrogen will even out, except I kind of freak out when it does...oh it is awesome...I yell and scream and cry, just wonderful. Then to top all that off I have high progesterone. I have no idea how that happens. Really. And somehow I keep getting pregnant, fun right? I have had these issues since I was 9...yeah 9, like little girl kind of 9.

Until recently I wanted a hysterectomy, in fact I would beg and cry to doctors to give me one. Now that I am 26 and doctors are willing to consider it, I don't want it...and with good reason. Not only would that take my ability to have children, but it won't solve a damn thing. My patterns basically look like I am going through menopause...uh that will be the same once they take it all out, so what's the point?

Anyway, so why don't I just take birth control and let it even me out? Get this shit: I am allergic to Estrodile (the estrogen component in birth control). Oh, and...the reason I get so violently ill while I am ovulating? Oh, yeah...I am allergic to estrogen. Allergic. To. Estrogen. What the fuck is that about?!?! Seriously?!?! Who the hell is allergic to their own fucking hormones. Oh, because being a chick isn't bad enough with the bleeding once a month and the whole don't touch me I feel gross thing, but now I am allergic to myself! Oh. Oh. Oh...and telling J, holy hell what fun that was. He laughs and says of course you are baby. What? What does that mean? Oh well apparently he already knew I was all kind of fucked up (since when are ovarian cysts fucked up?) and he just assumed that I had to have something really wrong.

But see, this is beyond wrong. This is unnatural. It's, well, it's just sick. Like some kind of sick joke. So what do we do? Mini pill, ok, because I need more progesterone right? So my GYN says NuvaRing. Brilliant! Since the hormone doesn't pass through my whole body I don't get as sick...awesome! So I love my NuvaRing (J hates it, he can feel it when we have sex...I think that's funny). But, umm...I am still super bitch from hell. Antidepressants. That is their answer to everything, I swear to God. It is so retarded. So now I am a happy bitch. That's fun. But that's not all...now that I have some estrogen in my body I cry. All. The. Time. Like at least 3 hours a day is spent crying. Oh for the love of Pete. Really? I fix one small thing and three more present themselves. Amazing.

Well, I guess we will see...

Girls are easily distracted by shinies :)

2009-12-10T23:24:00.009-06:00

Recently I got my nipples pierced...ok, well not recently, but still. Anyway. So when Babeland offered these Lavish Nipple Clamps for review I jumped. I love nipple clamps, and I thought it would be an interesting point of view to have a review of some nipple clamp s from someone with pierced nipples. The Lavish Nipple Clamps made by Spartacus Enterprises are stunning! Just absolutely beautiful. They are a tweezer style clamp...meaning they look like tweezers with a small ring that slides up to close them. Since the ring slides up, the tightness is controlled and can be changed to anyone's liking. The tips are covered in a soft plastic cover for added comfort (hint: these can be removed for more of a bite). There is a dangle part with some beading (faux pearls) and a ring of very small [what looks to be] rhinestones.

Caring for your jewelry ~
Really these should take care of themselves, but, you can clean them off with water and a light soap. Be sure to dry them well. Also, the plastic covers can be wiped down with alcohol to be sterilized if you would like. Mine haven't rusted after cleaning, but I had a set rust before, so be sure to cry all the way (again). These can be kept pretty much anywhere...mine are in my jewelry box for simple and quick access when I want them.

Use ~
Just place them over the nipple and close. Simple. I do recommend beginning with a somewhat hard nipple because you will get a better grip on it. The ring allowed me to pick the perfect tightness for my body type (it would leave some crying in pain). The great part is that when I just want some nice jewelry I can clip them lighter and be more comfortable. It is a bit more tricky to attach the clamps with rings in, but the added sensation was incredible. It was more painful with the rings in, so if you are not all about the pain I wouldn't suggest having your nipples pierced then wearing the clamps, or at least take the piercing out first.

The weight of the clamps {they are a bit weightier than their smaller counter parts...other Spartacus clamps} is great. They pull more than your average lightweight tweezer clamp that meant to be worn as jewelry. It adds more sensation. While the clamps are on, given that they are tight enough, you or a partner can tug and pull and add more sensation to your sex life with them. They stayed just fine for me.

My only complaint is that if they are worn long enough they stick to you, and can hurt a lot during removal. Like, it brought tears to my eyes kind of hurt. I was able to avoid this by using a little bit of water based lubricant on the insides of the clamps, but be aware that they may slide some in the beginning and you will have to readjust them. Plus, you can't really wear them under a bra, but oh well, if I wanted I could go bra~less and wear them under a shirt and give a few people a good show.

Overall ~
I really can't think of a single woman who wouldn't want these...although I am sure there are some. They are sleek, beautiful, and fully adjustable. Beginners will love them for added sensation, but without the pain of more advanced clamps. While more experienced users can tighten them, and even remove the covers for added pain and pleasure. Your partners will love to see them on you, and it adds a new dimension to your sex life.

*Oh and you can also use them as a clit clamp...just an added idea for you.

Thanks to the wonderful people at Babeland.com for providing the Lavish Nipple Clamps to me for review.

Like an Indian Arrowhead

2009-12-09T22:34:00.015-06:00

Tantus Alumina line...new and definitely innovative. The entire line is made of aluminum, which has some great properties I will go over momentarily, and is made in two parts. PLUS...it is green, so it is environmentally friendly. The first part of each sex toy is the handle and the second part is the top end, or toy part (although all parts of the Alumina series can be inserted as far as I can tell). The Alumina series is a semi-customizable set (assuming you have more than one toy) of high quality sex toys.

The Tantus Alumina Pace is the butt plug of the Alumina series. The look of it kind of reminds me of an Indian spearhead. Made of aluminum, the Pace will not rust, can be sterilized for better use, and it is phthalate free. Four (insertable) inches of metal with a 1/2 inch wide base to hold the plug in place makes for a nice toy. Widest point on the Pace is 1.25 inches wide...smaller than the average dildo. The Pace is top-heavy...which is always nice in a plug...so you can feel the toy inside you.

The Tantus Alumina Pace comes in a nice black box with a foam padding molded to hold the toy in place. The box is nice enough that I will be storing my Alumina Pace in it for a long time to come. The unfortunate part of the packaging is the large size of the box, which limits where some people may be able to put their boxes. Mine is in the top drawer, our "toy drawer," in our large dresser. If someone were to catch a glimpse of it they wouldn't be able to tell what it was.

In Use ~

As I held the Pace I knew it needed to be warmed before use (aluminum holds temperature and is wonderful for temperature play). I held it for a few minutes and it warmed right up to body temp. I used a water based lubricant, but all lubricants are safe for use on the Alumina Pace, so pick your favorite. The sleek and smooth head of the toy is pointed, but not too sharply, for easier entry. I did begin with this toy vaginally, just to see what it might feel like...the results were just sad. The Pace is not recommended for vaginal use because of its size, or well lack there of anyway. Once I began the anal use of the Pace I was actually pleasantly surprised. I was prepared to not enjoy the toy based on its looks (I won't be making that assumption again any time soon).

The sex toy slid in with no issues at all, a small miracle for me. Thrusting (light thrusting anyway) is a nice option as well. I wouldn't really say the Pace "filled me up," but rather that I could feel its presence in my body. The long narrow neck aided in comfort and provided a nice space to keep my body from sucking in the rest of the toy. Speaking of sucking in...my one complaint about the Pace is the lack of a really well defined base. While I had no actual issues with the bulbous base (the base is a small ball rather than a flared anal base), I would have still preferred the added security of knowing there was an actual base to keep the toy from sliding up.

I thoroughly enjoyed the sleek feeling of the Pace entering me, and the added comfort of it staying there. However, the comfort level slides some if you plan to wear the Pace out. Not really a great idea. The bulb sticks out and makes stilling on harder surfaces very uncomfortable, plus I was constantly wondering when this little sucker was going to slide all the way up into me...eep!

Temperature Play ~ Oh, how I love my temp play. The Alumina series is wonderful for this. You can heat the Pace with a hot water bath or cool it one of a few ways. Cooling can be done in clod water baths, ice water, the refrigerator, or in the freezer (I do not recommend this one, too much cold can potentially damage skin tissue). Temperature play offers many extra levels to your sensation play. You can run the Pace along your partner, or you can insert it and use it that way. The options are plenty and it is all up to you. Honestly, the whole point of the Alumina series is temperature play. If you like it...you may well need this plug.

Who is the Pace for? ~

Well, the Pace is a nice start for beginners in anal play for one. Why? Because the size is small enough for a beginner to use with ease, the temperature play offers added interest. The only thing I would caution with a beginner is the base...use very carefully or with a partner.

For more advanced anal players the only benefit of the pace is the temperature play. But, you can honestly do that with any glass or metal plug, so I guess it is all dependent on just how curious you are about the Alumina line.

Also, this is a good option for anyone who may like the idea of mixing and matching their toys. You can add a new head to the handle or a longer handle to the head for the thrusting option. Just a few ideas.

A special thank you to Vibrator.com for sending me the Tantus Alumina Pace to review!!!

Ella always does as she's told

2009-12-08T20:22:00.007-06:00

So, I have been lusting, and I do mean lusting over the Lelo Ella for a while now. So imagine my excitement when the wonderful people at Naughty & Discreet asked me to review her for them!

So I waited patiently, like two days...fast, and I attacked the box like a hungry bear. Inside sat my coveted for Lelo box. You see, not only is Ella a superior toy, she comes in superior packaging as well. A black box that very resembles a large jewelry box with plastic holder for the toy. Inside the box a white satin storage bag was waiting to be filled with the Ella...guess what...I was waiting to be filled too.

On to Ella:
7 inches of high grade silicone *water based lubricant ONLY*
a specially shaped head to give amazing G-spot stimulation
1.25 inches at the widest point (great for beginners as well as experienced toy users)
clearly can be used in the water
both ends can be inserted for maximum stimulation

Basically Ella is a g-spot dildo. A well made g-spot dildo that will make missing your g-spot nearly impossible for anyone. Solid velvety silicone that has just enough give to allow for comfort during use, but not so much that it feels like using a $5 jelly penis. No different than the other 500 dildos you can find elsewhere, except that is high quality at an amazing cost.

After fondling the Ella for quite some time I decided it was time. Well, now, my first review of the Ella didn't go over so well. My g-spot was well stimulated, but thrusting was outright painful. The shape of the head caused a "catching" action on my pubic bone that left me teary eyed and angry. Not to mention when Ella was good and stuck, and of course I freaked, I pulled hard, she caught, she popped out, I yelled, my NuvaRing flew across the room. Really? Not what I had pictured at all. After I cleaned off my birth control and put it back I cleaned off my Ella with some antibacterial toy soap and water and gave up for the night.

Of course y'all, I am not a quitter, and I have wanted Ella way too long to let it end like a bad relationship with the guy you never wanted in the first damn place. I put my nose to the grind and decided I would like it! Here comes the real test and review. I set the mood and got out my Ella. This time around was better. Beginning with the smoother side of the toy as a warm up truly helped. Holding it from the narrow neck was comfortable and almost natural. Once I turned the toy around to get the g-spot stimulation there was no more catching, although I still don't care to thrust the Ella unless I am using the straight end. The curve allowed my g-spot the perfect angle and helped the toy to curve in and out of me easily.

Why I needed Ella:
I can't hit my g-spot. Ever. Really. Never. So I need something that will make it fool proof. Did Ella pass? YES. Hell yes. Finding my g-spot was simple as can be and I was able to keep the Ella on it long enough to really get my libido going. Unfortunately I wasn't able to get to an orgasm, but not at any fault of the toy's. I just, don't know how. Beyond that, the size of Ella is perfect for me, it is small enough for beginners (and I prefer smaller toys), so I was able to not be overwhelmed by the size of Ella.

Overall, I must say, I enjoyed the Ella very much. Is it the best dildo I have ever used? Umm, maybe not...I love my glass toys. But, it hits the g-spot effortlessly each time I use it, and as long as I warm up to it, the g-spot end no longer catches...it does take a bit of getting used to though. I would definitely recommend this to anyone looking for a good g-spot toy. I believe both inexperienced and experienced people would benefit from owning one of these toys as a basic staple in their toy bags.

Anal Ella Note:
I never tried Ella anally, it is just too large. However, just a note that it can be used as such (very carefully) without fear of sanitary issues. Ella can be boiled, bleached (10% solution) or washed on the top rack of a dishwasher with no soap. As well, you can use a good toy cleaner on it.

Thanks to the folks at Naughty and discreet for letting me review this product!!!
Get this and other body safe toys at Naughty and Discreet for great prices!